Wow, really nice fanfic. I hope to see you make more, this could be FF of the Month material for sure.
It's still a bit rough around the edges, like how you rushed the beginning scene a bit, and the entire base could use a tiny bit more work ( It's still pretty amazing for a first chapter, and i LOVED the beginning poem, you should check out mine if you need some inspiration for them )
Keep it up, don't listen to anyone who tells you to stop, because this will go far if you give it enough effort.