The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns 1 [16]

Michael92

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

oh, look, I am psychic :p
Haha, I actually got to work some on it at Friday, but didn't manage to finish it. Saturday and Sunday went away by partying and working, but we'll see if I get the time tomorrow;)

I finally got to read it and it is very long but still very great. I love it Mike.
Thanks. Never too late for your criticism ;)

It sounded great in the beginning... but in my mind it got tiresome for me to read that much... i think it's too long
You're a new reader or an old one? If you're a new reader you might get lost, and that's understandable. However it is possible (for now anyways) to not have read my original work before reading this chapter.

Well if you really like to read FanFiction. Length is never a problem unless it's too short. At least in my opinion. Thanks anyways:)
 

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

This is a sequel Fanficiton, so you would have to read my original work to know the full storyline. Although it's still possible to keep up.
I guess then I missed some chapters of your original work....lol
Don't worry I'll get back when m done with those :p
 
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Michael92

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

I guess then I missed some chapters of your original work....lol
Don't worry I'll get back when m done with those :p
Well actually you didn't miss anything regarding why Jiraiya (Naruto's son) is Hokage now and not Naruto like before. Haven't really revealed what happened yet, but I'm getting there slowly, but steadily.
 

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

1) Faces are in shadows, the person you don't know stands in the hoakge mansion and you can't stop yourself from asking who the hack is that. The amount of anxiety this scene generated in me was almost palpable. I love how there was stark difference in mood between two parts (so to speak). As much as detailed description of weather was awesome and ambience building, the difference was the thing that made it all the better. It also immensely helped in dividing aforementioned two parts. There was [...], but human mind doesn't work that quickly and that sudden change really made me feel like seeing a change of scene in a movie.

2) In the ramen part, I really liked how Naruto acted normally even though he is Hokage. I know that the strain of being Hokage should be unbelievable, but it's nice to see that Naruto found time to spend with his friends and old habits. Among other things in that part, I would like to emphasize the change in Gaara's and Naruto's personalities. Gaara has become more laid back, as shown with saying that Mei should come and enjoy the day, showing that that he evolved even further from becoming Suna's hokage. His old personality was, although friendly, still quite strained and gloomy. What I really liked was change in Naruto's personality. By using "screw" he has shown us that he matured even more (I'm not saying that people should swear and curse around all the time, but I do feel that a man should do it every now and then and if one says he doesn't I can know almost for sure that he is lying - not to mention how it makes the scene look all the more realistic). What I liked even more was his easy and calm demeanor when the subject of chunnin exams was reached. He's not the old hyped-up Naruto anymore. He's responsible person capable of fully reigning in his emotions if need be.

3) The training. I really liked it how you managed to fully equip each boy with senseis to remove any kind justified of jealousy among boys and readers as well (nobody likes it when characters get it too easy :D). What I didn't like though was the thing that Jiraiya is eight. I mean, it's just a bit over the top. Have you seen an eight-year-old? How could one possibly get his mind right at that early age? Let alone learning rather complex jutsus like chidori [at this point I don't know whether he learns it or not at the end (although I think that it's pretty safe to assume that he does)].

4) Again, eleven years old and jonin. One of the brighter points of that part was that Dialogue between Naruto and Jiraiya as it's yet another thing that shows Naruto's maturity.

5) Back in the hokage mansion. Well, I personally can't say I expected to see Jiraiya there :D You painted Jiraiya's family quite nicely considering how short that part of the chapter was. I also liked how you've shifted focus back on that mysterious mission.

Hands down, one of the better chapters of your series if I were the one to be asked :D
 
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Michael92

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

1) Faces are in shadows, the person you don't know stands in the hoakge mansion and you can't stop yourself from asking who the hack is that. The amount of anxiety this scene generated in me was almost palpable. I love how there was stark difference in mood between two parts (so to speak). As much as detailed description of weather was awesome and ambience building, the difference was the thing that made it all the better. It also immensely helped in dividing aforementioned two parts. There was [...], but human mind doesn't work that quickly and that sudden change really made me feel like seeing a change of scene in a movie.

2) In the ramen part, I really liked how Naruto acted normally even though he is Hokage. I know that the strain of being Hokage should be unbelievable, but it's nice to see that Naruto found time to spend with his friends and old habits. Among other things in that part, I would like to emphasize the change in Gaara's and Naruto's personalities. Gaara has become more laid back, as shown with saying that Mei should come and enjoy the day, showing that that he evolved even further from becoming Suna's hokage. His old personality was, although friendly, still quite strained and gloomy. What I really liked was change in Naruto's personality. By using "screw" he has shown us that he matured even more (I'm not saying that people should swear and curse around all the time, but I do feel that a man should do it every now and then and if one says he doesn't I can know almost for sure that he is lying - not to mention how it makes the scene look all the more realistic). What I liked even more was his easy and calm demeanor when the subject of chunnin exams was reached. He's not the old hyped-up Naruto anymore. He's responsible person capable of fully reigning in his emotions if need be.

3) The training. I really liked it how you managed to fully equip each boy with senseis to remove any kind justified of jealousy among boys and readers as well (nobody likes it when characters get it too easy :D). What I didn't like though was the thing that Jiraiya is eight. I mean, it's just a bit over the top. Have you seen an eight-year-old? How could one possibly get his mind right at that early age? Let alone learning rather complex jutsus like chidori [at this point I don't know whether he learns it or not at the end (although I think that it's pretty safe to assume that he does)].

4) Again, eleven years old and jonin. One of the brighter points of that part was that Dialogue between Naruto and Jiraiya as it's yet another thing that shows Naruto's maturity.

5) Back in the hokage mansion. Well, I personally can't say I expected to see Jiraiya there :D You painted Jiraiya's family quite nicely considering how short that part of the chapter was. I also liked how you've shifted focus back on that mysterious mission.

Hands down, one of the better chapters of your series if I were the one to be asked :D
1: Hehe, you're really one of the first to put extra pressure on the mood of the scene(s), which is great :p I agree with everything you said in this first part, and that the scene change feels like watching a scene change in the movies is exactly my intention.

2: Damn you analysis is deep, and I love it :p The Ramen scene was actually one of my favorites in this chapter as I tried to put much effort into forming the characters, and showing how they've changed with the years. And yeah, I agree with the swearing, not too much and not fully cut out is kind off a balance I like to keep. About Gaara, I've actually got some comments about his personality change didn't really fit him, but if you ask me, I think that's how he will change by the year, seeing how Naruto drastically helped change his personality before.

3: Hehe, I know as I try to base much of the next generation on the generation of Naruto, Sakura and the others, only with perhaps some more established characters as guides, senseis, etc.
Haha, well in the actual Manga, Kakashi became Chunin at 6, so the aging in Naruto seems a bit screwed up if you ask me. I mean, Naruto, a 16 years old saving the world? He seems like he's over 20 judging by his personality.

About the Raikiri, you will see in later chapters :p

4: Kakashi Jonin at 13, Itachi Anbu Captain at 13, need I say more? :p
Yeah, that was one of the big moments of this chapter I think ;)

5: And you're one of the few that didn't get confused by the time skips in this chapter (believe you me, I heard that a lot already, lol) :p
Family wise, my FF is going to be crazy, lol.

Thanks ^^ I personally find this chapter to be one of the better I've written, written/story-wise. Chapter 6 though might be one of my better action-wise, when you get that far :p;)
Five great points my friend, and you reviews are always welcome ;)
 

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

interesting, your fic is different. I think that the transition of time was a nice spin to add onto the fic. Also i think the change in pace is spectacular; it's interesting how you can move from a fast paced action packed story(LSOK) to a slower paced plot focused sequel(LSOKR) without it loosing it's flair. So all in all this chapter was... interesting.

Nah;but really enough with the interesting, it was a good chapter and to those who would say something like tl;dr(because lets face it there are some) it's worth the read.
 
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Michael92

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1

interesting, your fic is different. I think that the transition of time was a nice spin to add onto the fic. Also i think the change in pace is spectacular; it's interesting how you can move from a fast paced action packed story(LSOK) to a slower paced plot focused sequel(LSOKR) without it loosing it's flair. So all in all this chapter was... interesting.

Nah;but really enough with the interesting, it was a good chapter and to those who would say something like tl;dr(because lets face it there are some) it's worth the read.
Thanks old friend :p I've heard some people complain about the sequel not picking up on the action that the first one ended with right away, but this approach felt natural and it really picks itself up by chapter 3 :p;)
 

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Retrospective Afterthoughts, Part 22:

Wow, just wow...


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I gave Kakashi Chronicles chapter 3 credit for being new and refreshing, both in style and in the way of writing (structure, grammar, pacing, flow, etc), but this one really knocked it out of the park. By far the best written chapter of them all so far by a long-shot, and that despite the fact that there was no action in this one. It sets up Jiraiya's character quiet well too while using the unwritten fragments of the cancelled Jiraiya and Konohamaru chronicles in the process. This was a bold start to the sequel taking place even further into the future with Naruto's son having become Hokage, while also re-exploring the events of the Chunin and Jonin exams he had passed as mentioned in the very first chapter of the original story before it all began. Great callback to those events that keen eyed readers could connect.

Rereading it now I can even to this date say that the Ramen shop scene is one of my all-time favorite written scenes and it has really stood the test of time in quality. I could go on about fluency and structure here but it's already pretty obvious what I think. Some nitpicks here and there in the narration and a few grammar mistakes, but overall a very solid chapter, a chapter that managed to nail the beginning of a sequel in a way chapter 15 should have nailed the ending of the original you could say.

I do recall this one being a bit notorious for causing some misunderstanding back then though, as shown in the comments, because a lot of people hadn't read anything of my stories in almost a year since the last release, so without the sense of an overview of what had happened already fresh in mind, it could be easy to not see where everything took place. A bit stronger narrative focus could have helped clear the confusion a bit though, but it's reasonable to point this out as the main cause as some understood it perfectly, especially those that had recently caught up. So all in all, it wasn't that bad.

I haven't even mentioned Naruto's speech to Jiraiya. So good.

As for a score for this chapter, it would be wrong to give it anything less than those I reviewed before it with all that in mind, and being as good in comparison as it was, this will have to be the first 9 in the entire series so far...

9/10
 
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Michael92

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The chapter I dislike the most is the one you give the highest rating huh. I guess cause of Boruto I basically hate new gen. Like anything after the original, not just in Naruto.
Lol, well if you are only here for the action you probably hated 75% of the story so far because that's about how much of it has been without battles, lol. Until this sequel the battling hadn't been as good as the rest and this chapter was a perfect example of how big a difference the quality was when I didn't have to do that.

Also two of the reviews from Escorpiius and Kaziname were amongst the best and positive reviews that had been given so far which supported the claim that it was much better in quality than anything else I had written, to the point that from this chapter onward I started looking back at my first story as poorly written, lol.

Also, also, The entirety of Legacy and the Series finale is like 32-150 years after the 4th great shinobi war, so if you don't like original characters and ignore stories with them in it then I don't know what to say lol:ROFLMAO: Ironically the further away we get from fanfiction territory, the better it gets imo. The prequel about Hagoromo almost has no Naruto-verse connection at all.:lok:
 
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