Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 1
It took awhile but i read all 15 chapters plus the Kakashi & Sasuke Chronicles i like what you did it was excellent 10/10 it would make a great anime it was very interesting even tho i agree with some of you couples not all but even so it is good to be different so i like what you have done.
the writing in this chapter was to small but apart from that it was very good as well plz let me know when you release the next chapter.
plus rep
Almost overlooked your comment because of Escorp's big one yesterday, so I'll reply here instead..
Thanks you so much. I wasn't really expecting any new readers at this stage in my FanFiction, as you would basically have to read the original 15 chapters + the 6 chronicles chapters or just adapt, which might become very hard once I start continuing the story from the events of the original.
Yeah about the couples. Over the time, I've always pictured new possibilities, and it's been a bit weird and hard to make them as it's either hooking up some strange ones, some fitting ones or give them new unknown or fictional characters, which is no fun.
There is actually going to be revealed some new couples in the next chapterxd
Small as in hard to read, or small as in the chapter itself being short? If you're referring to the first, you might have the screen a little too much "scrolled out." If you scroll in (as in zoom in) to make it bigger, you won't have any trouble reading. The only thing I changed from the original was the hand writing, not the size of the words. I will
And thanks again
Well, I knew it was going to be big; so I started in advance but yet, time was running out. So I added that note on top.
There's a Reviewer Book : I need that :noc:
Meh~ you're forgiven But, yeah it's a little glitch.
I know that you tried to portray Gaara in later days and thus bring out a personality change but still, on this one, I like Kishi's Gaara more. Through his eyes and little talking, he expresses much already and I find him awesome like that. The closeness between him and Naruto reminds me of Gaara dancing in the Opening Song of Shippuden. xd
I mean, you are supposed to live with your husband when married not glued to your pop's Ramen shop everyday. But it doesn't really matter since I doubt we'll see Ayame in every chapters of yours. Perhaps, she won't be in, am I right?
You did took time to mention it.
Love it as I said. Like you rightfully said also, it enables you to do a general flashback instead of from Jiraiya's memory only.
I repeat it. I was writing the review as quick as I could and when time was elapsing, I finished it quickly and added the top note. If there was time yesterday, I would have checked each comment while writing. So yeah, I didn't peeked. So that was the family tree, you were talking about.
And you achieved the feel perfectly.
O, his hair is brown :| It sounds a bit weird but hey, never mind.
I could have thought in future like some years pass after Kabuto and his crew are gone but not that, all your main characters are now in their grandpa-grandma days. And I wonder what about other persons like Mei, Tsunade, Shizune, Kakashi ect...I hope they can still fight and don't need a cane and dentures xd
Well, it was my pleasure.
I see
So you used my advice of writing in notepads then, or maybe that's something you've always done?
Everyone has the reviewer book
Nah... He never reached the final, so Gaara wouldn't pay much attention to his name, nor who he was at that time
Well I guess you can't like everything down to the smallest detail, but that's basically how I think he will change over the year once the war settles down, he gets more friends, and gets closer to the other people like Naruto, etc. I like to look at him as the more serious type in the ramen scene, while Naruto and Killerbee are the ones arguing and shouting out in the classic Naruto-Bee style. So it's not like Gaara starts acting crazy cracking jokes, more like the way Kakashi would crack a joke, if you get where I'm going
xd Well since you're so obsessed with her, I thought I would lay the map out for you. In part one she's 17-18... or maybe that's part two... anyways, in the Ramen scene, Naruto is 25, meaning it's 9 years after the manga, so she's still in her 20s, possible 30 at top.
Glued to the ramen shop?!
:rofl: You always make me laughxd
Yeah that was the idea, but not sure if everyone grasped it perfectly though.
Amazing.. then my prediction of you being the first to actually tying the "next generation" to the current generation ended up right. Jiraiya hooking up with Miyuki and Kushina hooking up with Ebizö was something I had on mind ever since I wrote chapter 11 where Tsunade briefly hinted towards Kushina and Ebizö hooking up in the future. And even more with Sasuke C3 when his family was introduced. There is going to be something really funny and awkward happening in one of the future chapters when "we'll" take a look at how Jiraiya and her met in a flashback
xd
And no, the "family tree" was just something I drew down on a paper at work one day as I was thinking of how complexed it would become. I've even lined out Minato's childrenxd And if I ever do that 2nd sequel like I mentioned to you that I might, it will be about Minato growing up and his children's generation, meaning Tsunade will be very very old, or dead and Kakashi will be like 86 or something xD
I was actually going to draw in a line into the first scene of this chapter, stating how Jiraiya looks like the 1st Hokage Hashirama, but I ended up dropping it for now. Maybe I'll write it in later. The thing is that I picture Jiraiya to let his hair grow out when he gets older, and change some from his earlier days. However, Minato is going to look exactly like Naruto though when he was a child. So I'm kind of making it up for those who's disappointedxd
I think this perfectly sums up everything there is to be said about the chapter, as even if it's more or less detailing the past to a greater extend, everything in this chapter is more or less been referred to before. So it's not like there's a lot of things in this chapter that we didn't know about. At least when it comes down to the overall picture. Like Jiraiya becoming Chunin and Jonin. I like to view this chapter as a more character build up, and I think that's why I liked writing it as much as I did.
Actually... There is one thing that just crossed my mind... that nobody has mentioned yet. Even I completely forgot about it.
And that is Jiraiya going into Kakashi's footstep of both learning Chidori and Rasengan... Only that I picture him to be the opposite with having Rasengan as his main "weapon" of destruction.
If there is something I like about your FFs that is that they make me sit, read and read. And when I finish reading, I start doing that again.
I love the name of Naruto's kid and I love that you made him look quite talented. I also admire the way you describe things, it makes things come at the reader warmer. I love those times when there is a playback or something.
Well that is kind of the thing I strive for the most when writing my FFs. If you're not able to attract the readers, the point of writing would pretty much been nullified. Especially when writing big chapters like this, the danger lies in making the reader tire out, having to take breaks or similar. And the thing that makes it even more important to keep the reader interested, is if a chapter not only is big, but if there isn't really any action going on in it. So that's basically my main focus when it comes to writing and I often tend to scratch sentences or dialogues, only to start over as they sometimes feel pointless, uninteresting or just plain dull.
So thanks for stating that as it really means a lot to me as a writer
Thanks. I always aim to be as close to the canon characters as possible, but I also keep in mind that people change as time goes by - for the better or for worse - so it might not always be according to the readers demands of how they know or think a character would act or behave, but I always try to apply new stuff to already strong characters, to make them true to their creator, but at the same time, making them my own.
That's were the fictional characters comes in handy, when making up Naruto, Sasuke (and so on)'s family and kids and even their grandchildren and so on. My main concern here is to try and base their main traits on their parents, but at the same time making them anything else than simple copies. It's always easy to make new characters, but the hard part is giving them a believable personality. One of the things I tend to aim for is that I try to recreate similar relationships to those that already exist in the manga/anime. Like the relationship Naruto has to Kakashi, Jiraiya, Shikamaru, and so on, and let them be recognized in the next generation of characters.
In this chapter there was only fictional characters in the "current" time of the series, so it might be a dangerous play as the whole series is already based upon something that is made by someone else, so when the split goes from writing about already made characters in the Naruto universe, to start portraiting only fictional ones in the same "space", it's easy to get lost on the series main principles. So no matter how far I go into the future, I always try my best to keep the core feeling of the series recreated through new characters.
