So Long A Letter

[Seffy]

I can't used cried, if I take liberties like that in writting to exagerate the happenings i'll get marks off, I understand what you're saying though. I know what to fix in that section.

i never said cried lol i only was re-arranging your sentences lol there was only one sentence that I actually changed to make it sound some what better. See my last post on page 1. that's the best i can do without saying F it and re-writing it lol

@isthatnecessary yeah it's hard to do when you don't know what's going on story wise xd lol

 

[Avani]

i never said cried lol i only was re-arranging your sentences lol there was only one sentence that I actually changed to make it sound some what better. See my last post on page 1. that's the best i can do without saying F it and re-writing it lol

@isthatnecessary yeah it's hard to do when you don't know what's going on story wise xd lol

Yes, but I was just trying to fix the sentences which felt a bit odd to me personally.

My main handicapt is not the unfamiliarity with the story but, not being the native English speaker.

 

[Makeril]

I can't used cried, if I take liberties like that in writting to exagerate the happenings i'll get marks off, I understand what you're saying though. I know what to fix in that section.

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph, but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and, this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons ("which includes"... Other than that I never found a quick way to explain this. Meh!), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

EDIT: I made a mistake in my first sentence (as there probably are in others), Kudos to you if you can find it.

 

[Reborn]

I tried some editting- whatever.. I haven't read the story.

Some of it, I've already taken out prior but I'll get to the others thanks.

i never said cried lol i only was re-arranging your sentences lol there was only one sentence that I actually changed to make it sound some what better. See my last post on page 1. that's the best i can do without saying F it and re-writing it lol

@isthatnecessary yeah it's hard to do when you don't know what's going on story wise xd lol

Yeah I just saw it now, I'm probably not going to get to finish this tonight I still have about 2 hours of homework to do.

I understand that none of you have read the story but can you understand what I did in my presentation though? Maybe not lolxd I'm probably going to get another F on this paper. Oddly enough though, my teacher doesn't grade too much on grammer but how well the point gets accross.

I need to get rid of the repitition and find another way of conveying my point. It's a habit of mine but I'll have to get over it fast if I'm going to pass.

For everybody. The story is written in the form of a letter by the protagonist. She's writting to her closest friend and she speaks about her life through a time span of a few years.

She goes through her husband getting another wife without her knowing, his death, marriage proposals, and her 12 children having problems that she has to deal with.

That's a summery in case you all don't like being left in the dark. I'm not meant to speak on the plot of the story, just the assignment given to me.

 

[Reborn]

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph, but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons (which includes... I never found a quick way to explain this, meh), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

Thank you.

Ask ThatOneChick about my grammer, it is horrible.

My teacher hates when we italicize. I know why but it would be too long to explain. It's difficult for me to comprehend language even if it's my native tounge. Explaining that would take too long as wellxd

 

[Seffy]

Yes, but I was just trying to fix the sentences which felt a bit odd to me personally.

My main handicapt is not the unfamiliarity with the story but, not being the native English speaker.

Yes it needed a lot of work but hopefully with all of our advice he's able to spruce it up enough to at least get a passing grade!

Some of it, I've already taken out prior but I'll get to the others thanks.



Yeah I just saw it now, I'm probably not going to get to finish this tonight I still have about 2 hours of homework to do.

I understand that none of you have read the story but can you understand what I did in my presentation though? Maybe not lolxd I'm probably going to get another F on this paper. Oddly enough though, my teacher doesn't grade too much on grammer but how well the point gets accross.

I need to get rid of the repitition and find another way of conveying my point. It's a habit of mine but I'll have to get over it fast if I'm going to pass.

For everybody. The story is written in the form of a letter by the protagonist. She's writting to her closest friend and she speaks about her life through a time span of a few years.

She goes through her husband getting another wife without her knowing, his death, marriage proposals, and her 12 children having problems that she has to deal with.

That's a summery in case you all don't like being left in the dark. I'm not meant to speak on the plot of the story, just the assignment given to me.

you should have given me more noticed on this! lol I could have had an excellent paper for u xd lol

 

[Makeril]

Thank you.

Ask ThatOneChick about my grammer, it is horrible.

My teacher hates when we italicize. I know why but it would be too long to explain. It's difficult for me to comprehend language even if it's my native tounge. Explaining that would take too long as wellxd

LOL! Just heed the warnings and you'll be fine. Also, look at my older post again. If you can solve that, then you are good to go.

 

[Seffy]

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph, but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and, this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons ("which includes"... Other than that I never found a quick way to explain this. Meh!), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

EDIT: I made a mistake in my first sentence (as there probably are in others), Kudos to you if you can find it.

Another NEVER do in a sentence is use the same word twice. Mix up your vocab say different things that mean the same, but refrain from using the same words often.

 

[Reborn]

Yes it needed a lot of work but hopefully with all of our advice he's able to spruce it up enough to at least get a passing grade!



you should have given me more noticed on this! lol I could have had an excellent paper for u xd lol

If I had more warning myself, I would've finished this at an earlier date then just now.

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph, but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and, this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons ("which includes"... Other than that I never found a quick way to explain this. Meh!), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

EDIT: I made a mistake in my first sentence (as there probably are in others), Kudos to you if you can find it.

I'm not the guy to be asking for corrections. I'll give it a try but no promises.

Give me a moment.

I've got nothing

 

[Makeril]

Another NEVER do in a sentence is use the same word twice. Mix up your vocab say different things that mean the same, but refrain from using the same words often.

LOLWUT?! Why'd you reply to me? it didn't answer my question but you reiterated what I said. Why?

 

[Seffy]

LOLWUT?! Why'd you reply to me? it didn't answer my question but you reiterated what I said. Why?

was adding onto your rules xd
emphasizing a point for him lol

 

[Avani]

LOL! Commas are not your friend (lines 1 and 2). You also repeat yourself sometimes (Lines three and four). Line 5, Personally I would say, We get an understanding/feeling of vs. "We get a feel on"; and , an article isn't needed for tradition in that sentence (take out the "the"). Take out "inside the story" as well while you're at it. Focus on not using the word "story" too much. You follow the next sentence with the same word that started the previous sentence *gasps*; that is a no-no. Do not ever do it! Instead say, My group and I or something along those lines. OMG! (Last sentence of the Paragraph), do I need to tell you what a third is considered? Death Penalty! Also, you forgot the word going between "was to be".
Not bad so far. But tell me if you want me to go further since I'd hate to be here all night and you won't take my criticism. We're all here to learn, eh?

Are you talking about those red things? Capital w and extra comma..

 

[Makeril]

was adding onto your rules xd
emphasizing a point for him lol

LOL! OK! I'd love to see the first person who finds my small error though

 

[Avani]

LOL! OK! I'd love to see the first person who finds my small error though

You mean errors.

A period would be more suitable after the words death penalty as well- just my opinion.

 

[Makeril]

Are you talking about those red things? Capital w and extra comma..

Nice eyes; but, your looking at the wrong post. Next one. LOL! I know you guys will find it soon enough.
EDIT: I am no English prof. but, I am passing along what has been helpful for me over the years. --I-- am guaranteed to always make small --errors--.

 

[Seffy]

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph, but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and, this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons ("which includes"... Other than that I never found a quick way to explain this. Meh!), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

EDIT: I made a mistake in my first sentence (as there probably are in others), Kudos to you if you can find it.

this ; and, u don't need a comma there lol

 

[Makeril]

You mean errors.

A period would be more suitable after the words death penalty as well- just my opinion.

I was supposed to put *voice of --* then I realized I forgot the show and the actor. So, I left it as is. The exclamation still stands though for emphasis in someone else's voice:shrug:.

 

[Makeril]

this ; and, u don't need a comma there lol

You seem to have something there. But, where exactly are you referring to?

 

[Avani]

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, (to) never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph , but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and , this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons ("which includes"... Other than that I never found a quick way to explain this. Meh!), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

EDIT: I made a mistake in my first sentence (as there probably are in others), Kudos to you if you can find it.

... missin commas which you placed where they weren't needed? and a missing to and what not.
I am no proof reader. :|

Use commas after If and but.. that's the rule .. isn't it?

 

[Seffy]

Biggest advice I can give regarding English would be, never start new sentences with the same word used in a previous (within the same paragraph, but better if within 2), use articles (the) properly, and remember or look up transitional phrases to substitute when you've ran out of ways to start a new sentence. This is the aim for English teachers: to see that you can think about what you are writing; and, this forces you to use new words. Also, use more semicolons (two sentences that can be joined together based on how fast you would continue onto the next sentence if you were speaking out-loud, basically), colons ("which includes"... Other than that I never found a quick way to explain this. Meh!), italicizing (emphasis, which gives life to the story) and commas. I've left references of each as well. Good luck!

EDIT: I made a mistake in my first sentence (as there probably are in others), Kudos to you if you can find it.

the bold no comma after and