Sad lil' Poem

[-RoseLilly-]

Writing is not my thing but sometimes i come up with little things, so be kind.
This is a poem called When everything goes wrong:


Did you see that girl?
standing all alone
Her heart is always melting
because nothing is left at home
Her family doesn't see it
her friends don't seem to care
About her dead fake smile
and her unruly hair
She wishes for the future
and to never be alone
She wishes it was easy
and for her pain to be known
But her dreams don't seem to matter
when pain is always there
Her heart is always racing
and she wouldn't seem to care
That everything around her
is pulling her down
Her heart slap cold
as she begins to drown
She doesn't even fight it
she doesn't even want to
But wishes that someone
would come to her rescue
But it's all to late now
her heart is almost gone
Alone Forever
When everything goes wrong​

 

[Zombie]

Not bad. Compared to other poems I've seen on NB it's actually quite good.

Though there are some grammatical errors. For example, in the fourth to last line it should be: "but it's all too late now."

Other than minor grammar errors, it has a nice vibe to it. It reads well out loud. It's not too repetitive. Overall, I'd give it a 6.5/10. I'd give it between a 7 and 8 if all the grammar were fixed.

 

[ChrisWolf]

Writing is not my thing but sometimes i come up with little things, so be kind.
This is a poem called When everything goes wrong:


Did you see that girl?
standing all alone
Her heart is always melting
because nothing is left at home
Her family doesn't see it
her friends don't seem to care
About her dead fake smile
and her unruly hair
She wishes for the future
and to never be alone
She wishes it was easy
and for her pain to be known
But her dreams don't seem to matter
when pain is always there
Her heart is always racing
and she wouldn't seem to care
That everything around her
is pulling her down
Her heart slap cold
as she begins to drown
She doesn't even fight it
she doesn't even want to
But wishes that someone
would come to her rescue
But it's all to late now
her heart is almost gone
Alone Forever
When everything goes wrong​

I rele like that, I've written pretty depressing poems too, Ima send you a friend request we should share our writing

 

[-RoseLilly-]

Not bad. Compared to other poems I've seen on NB it's actually quite good.

Though there are some grammatical errors.

hehe thank you i didnt think it was that good

curse the grammatical errors >.> im horrible at spelling and grammar sorry

and okie dokie chriswolf

 

[Lovelikehoney]

aah good then i think it's a very nice poem

 

[Gilda]

I do like it

 

[-RoseLilly-]

well then thank you lovelikehoney
thanks gilda

 

[BishamonSama]

I liked it ^-^

Not bad. Compared to other poems I've seen on NB it's actually quite good.

Though there are some grammatical errors. For example, in the fourth to last line it should be: "but it's all too late now."

Other than minor grammar errors, it has a nice vibe to it. It reads well out loud. It's not too repetitive. Overall, I'd give it a 6.5/10. I'd give it between a 7 and 8 if all the grammar were fixed.

Grammar is completely irrelevant in poetry >_> Perhaps she meant to write "to" instead of "too". It would have a meaning different from the one that you seem to have ascribed to it, but would still be 'correct'.

 

[Buraisu]

Hmmmm... interesting. I like it.

 

[-RoseLilly-]

thank you bishamion and buraisu

 

[Howard]

O_O good one Lil.... but was it about yourself >_>

 

[-RoseLilly-]

thank you howard and i dont really wanna say who its about

 

[Howard]

thank you howard and i dont really wanna say who its about

Okay... >.> good job anyway...

 

[-RoseLilly-]

Okay... >.> good job anyway...

sorry, *smiles* and yeah thanks again

 

[Two]

It's really gurd [=

 

[-RoseLilly-]

thank you

 

[Venus]

0_0 Reminds me of a poem that 2pac wrote lol

Nice.

 

[-RoseLilly-]

lol why dose it remind u of that?
thanks

 

[Venus]

lol why dose it remind u of that?
thanks

I Cry by Tupac

Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.

 

[MasqueradeNX]

Nice Poem lol