Give opinions and ideas

Pervyy

Immortal
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
43,024
Kin
3,706💸
Kumi
32,227💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Ok in the past couple of days ive wrote My own fanfiction of when jiraiya returns to the village after training nagato and he becomes a Jounin and gets his own squad:

Here is the first 4:

Part 1 -

Part 2 -

Part 3 -

Part 4 -

Part 5 -

Part 6 -

Part 7 -


Please post what you think and help me with some ideas, i welcome critisism :)
 
Last edited:

Revan

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
2,085
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
i liked the stories, even if i think that minato is way to overpowered knowing his strongest jutsus already as genin coming from academy. maybe you should re-balance them by powering the other two, or it's going to become a one man show.
but apart from that, i think you describe especially minato's and jiraya's character and their reaction on each other pretty good, they are how i imagined them. the atmosphere is good :D
 

Pervyy

Immortal
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
43,024
Kin
3,706💸
Kumi
32,227💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
I was going to give Shin the sharingan on there first mission and then shina would be good at genjutsu, then id have minato struggling with rasengan and say the downside of his jutsu is he only has one kunain with a seal
 

Revan

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
2,085
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
I was going to give Shin the sharingan on there first mission and then shina would be good at genjutsu, then id have minato struggling with rasengan and say the downside of his jutsu is he only has one kunain with a seal
k, that sounds good. so the ts-jutsu is more or less a one shot-jutsu, which sounds more balanced.
you could create a zabuza, somebody who is about as strong as jiraya in order to create tension.
 

BigBen

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
133
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Dude these are awesome i love the fact you made the FTG a bloodline limit
and you kept what we know about the real story and charactor's intact i'm impressed keep them coming :)
 

xxzyyzxx

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
154
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
I think this is the stupidest thing ever kid.
There's a thing called constructive criticism. You know..when you don't agree with them but you give them advice on how to improve? Try reading up on it, it's a fairly wonderful gesture.

-------------------

I'll read it all in a bit and tell you what I think.
 

Sharpism

Active member
Regular
Joined
Jan 4, 2010
Messages
1,005
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Although I haven't read it, I might intend on doing so. I read that Minato got his Jutsu at a young age why not re-writing and have him slowly start to develop his Jutsu. Surely he didn't think of using the kunai as markers when he first started, so why not implement that later on in the fan fic. I'll read a bit now and give some C+C on what I have read.
 
Top