Give opinions and ideas

[Pervyy]

Ok in the past couple of days ive wrote My own fanfiction of when jiraiya returns to the village after training nagato and he becomes a Jounin and gets his own squad:

Here is the first 4:

Part 1 -

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Part 2 -

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Part 3 -

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Part 4 -

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Part 5 -

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Part 6 -

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Part 7 -

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Please post what you think and help me with some ideas, i welcome critisism

 

[Revan]

i liked the stories, even if i think that minato is way to overpowered knowing his strongest jutsus already as genin coming from academy. maybe you should re-balance them by powering the other two, or it's going to become a one man show.
but apart from that, i think you describe especially minato's and jiraya's character and their reaction on each other pretty good, they are how i imagined them. the atmosphere is good

 

[Pervyy]

I was going to give Shin the sharingan on there first mission and then shina would be good at genjutsu, then id have minato struggling with rasengan and say the downside of his jutsu is he only has one kunain with a seal

 

[shumits]

are they really uchiha or did u make it up?

 

[Revan]

I was going to give Shin the sharingan on there first mission and then shina would be good at genjutsu, then id have minato struggling with rasengan and say the downside of his jutsu is he only has one kunain with a seal

k, that sounds good. so the ts-jutsu is more or less a one shot-jutsu, which sounds more balanced.
you could create a zabuza, somebody who is about as strong as jiraya in order to create tension.

 

[Pervyy]

part 4 is now up

 

[Pervyy]

part 5 is now up!

 

[BigBen]

Dude these are awesome i love the fact you made the FTG a bloodline limit
and you kept what we know about the real story and charactor's intact i'm impressed keep them coming

 

[Pervyy]

Sorry guys, i dont feel like people are too interested lol, if you really want me continue vm me or something

 

[DepthCharge]

I think this is the stupidest thing ever kid.

 

[xxzyyzxx]

I think this is the stupidest thing ever kid.

There's a thing called constructive criticism. You know..when you don't agree with them but you give them advice on how to improve? Try reading up on it, it's a fairly wonderful gesture.

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I'll read it all in a bit and tell you what I think.

 

[Decipher]

Dude I think its awsome. Keep writing them, maybe Minato learning those jutsus was to early, but other than that its great ^^.

 

[Sharpism]

Although I haven't read it, I might intend on doing so. I read that Minato got his Jutsu at a young age why not re-writing and have him slowly start to develop his Jutsu. Surely he didn't think of using the kunai as markers when he first started, so why not implement that later on in the fan fic. I'll read a bit now and give some C+C on what I have read.

 

[Pervyy]

Part 7 is up but it kind of sucks

 

[Lord of Kaos.]

great work keep going pls

 

[yusufms]

look you shouldnt judge the chapter yourself, the fact is that these stories are interesting.
Dont give up

 

[Pervyy]

lol didnt think people were that interested in these random ideas

Ill put up another part 2mos xd

 

[Rayz3n]

Keep them coming baby xd

 

[Pervyy]

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heres part 8

 

[-Ace-]

nice stories