Duty to NOT love?

[Infant]

Say you're married, under common circumstances.

What if the person next door visits sometime and it turns out that they are the perfect ideal (unrealistic, I know) for what your spouse would consider the perfect partner - body, personality, background, the works.

In such a scenario, does your spouse have a responsibility to not only remain loyal, but not even allow their heart/mind to fall in love with this neighbour? (since that's a route/opening that leads to infidelity, as well as whatever ideas about how far loyalty extends)

Or is it the opposite, such that you have a duty to be so good to your spouse that its impossible for them to have any space in their heart/mind for someone else to nudge in (in the romantic sense, of course)? (since its part of love to please the other person, as well as any ideas about how far this duty extends)

Or is it some sort of balance of both?

What say you?

 

[GrapeApe]

id go with a balance of both. communication and honesty is just extremely important in a relationship ive learned and realistically you can be attracted to someone else other than your partner. its unrealistic to think, oh im in this relationship so that means im magically not attracted to anyone else, just doesnt happen like that

also every relationship hits boredom, its just inevitable the longer youre together. but its the job i believe of -both of you- to put in the effort to make it exciting again or bring new energy into the relationship if you want to stay together, not just putting the responsibility on one person. a lot of married couples i know whose relationship ended in divorce, either friends or just family, the dating phase ends once they get married and they stop trying to create romance. like i believe at any stage of an intimate relationship, you have to always be in the dating phase mentally. always trying to create romance. if your lady or you is looking elsewhere for romance, theyre not happy with what theyre getting with you or you with them. theres a dialogue that needs to be happening there instead of her expressing it through her interest in your neighbor

-but- with that said, theres still traps and slippery slopes. it daily is happening to me but im sure everyone has experienced it. you just know, like i get all kinds of women dm'ing me nudes on social media and trying to flirt everyday. just today i was thinking how id smash the shit out of this chick on instagram if i was single who was in dm's. but i made a promise to my girlfriend to be monogamous, so i didnt even respond to her message. -but- she was my type totally and as gorgeous or slightly more so than my girlfriend. but i didnt allow myself to build on that crush. like a crush and love are two different phases separated by the level of attachment, even when *** is involved. ive had a threesome with one of my ex's before who was bisexual with a women we both liked, had to lay ground rules before hand for everyone involved that it was nothing more than physical and for fun. and even that created a slippery slope cause i started looking for other women constantly that i could possibly have a threesome with. but the problem was with our *** life being expressed through me looking for others because she had sexual trauma and a lot of hang ups when it came to *** with guys

though i believe based on this scenario if it was my lady id trust that she wouldnt let the attachment build with the neighbor past a crush if we made that agreement to be exclusive to each other, you got to have faith in your partner, showing a lack of trust in your spouse can also create problems but you cant pretend to be oblivious to what youre seeing if youre not okay with it. if she tells you she -loves- him like you said, theres a pre existing problem with your relationship thats being expressed by her in that way you two need to talk about and try to work out together

 

[Infant]

id go with a balance of both. communication and honesty is just extremely important in a relationship ive learned and realistically you can be attracted to someone else other than your partner. its unrealistic to think, oh im in this relationship so that means im magically not attracted to anyone else, just doesnt happen like that

also every relationship hits boredom, its just inevitable the longer youre together. but its the job i believe of -both of you- to put in the effort to make it exciting again or bring new energy into the relationship if you want to stay together, not just putting the responsibility on one person. a lot of married couples i know whose relationship ended in divorce, either friends or just family, the dating phase ends once they get married and they stop trying to create romance. like i believe at any stage of an intimate relationship, you have to always be in the dating phase mentally. always trying to create romance. if your lady or you is looking elsewhere for romance, theyre not happy with what theyre getting with you or you with them. theres a dialogue that needs to be happening there instead of her expressing it through her interest in your neighbor

-but- with that said, theres still traps and slippery slopes. it daily is happening to me but im sure everyone has experienced it. you just know, like i get all kinds of women dm'ing me nudes on social media and trying to flirt everyday. just today i was thinking how id smash the shit out of this chick on instagram if i was single who was in dm's. but i made a promise to my girlfriend to be monogamous, so i didnt even respond to her message. -but- she was my type totally and as gorgeous or slightly more so than my girlfriend. but i didnt allow myself to build on that crush. like a crush and love are two different phases separated by the level of attachment, even when *** is involved. ive had a threesome with one of my ex's before who was bisexual with a women we both liked, had to lay ground rules before hand for everyone involved that it was nothing more than physical and for fun. and even that created a slippery slope cause i started looking for other women constantly that i could possibly have a threesome with. but the problem was with our *** life being expressed through me looking for others because she had sexual trauma and a lot of hang ups when it came to *** with guys

though i believe based on this scenario if it was my lady id trust that she wouldnt let the attachment build with the neighbor past a crush if we made that agreement to be exclusive to each other, you got to have faith in your partner, showing a lack of trust in your spouse can also create problems but you cant pretend to be oblivious to what youre seeing if youre not okay with it. if she tells you she -loves- him like you said, theres a pre existing problem with your relationship thats being expressed by her in that way you two need to talk about and try to work out together

Friendly advice: please edit your post and instead make it about "a guy I know . . . ", instead of 'my 2nd cousin' like you did there . . . life is crazy and you don't know what can come out.

Do you believe in seduction? That another dude can come out and seduce your girl and have her cheat on you without her intending to be infedelious? And vice versa?

Also, would you ever attack another guy for making a move on your girl or is it a matter of 'her choice' (assuming he isn't being pushy)?

 

[Infant]

lol second cousin? idk where you got that from...

i do believe in seduction, ive done it and have had it done to me multiple times. but in the scenario youre using it in, everyone has a choice. i dont care how much game someone has, if your lady cheats on you that was her decision she should be held accountable for and vice versa. you have a choice in that scenario whether you want to have *** with someone, if not, you got raped. like what he was just so charming your panties took on a mind of their own and came off? like theres no excuse unless you were raped

ive never dated a women that wasnt hit on in front of me or around me. it just comes with the territory when youre dating someone super attractive. but you have to show strength i believe with women, if im acting all insecure and jealous, throwing combos and tantrums every time someone tries to get at her, that just shows weakness and signals a lack of trust to both of her and the guy shooting his shot. like shes gorgeous, i get it, thats why im hitting it. i just let her handle it, usually guys back off when shes like, "that my boyfriend over there" or something

Hehehehe

So in some cases seduction works and in some scenarios it magically stops working and the person has their mind working properly 100% of the time?


Okay, lets say a dude pretended to be just a friend but you knew he was putting his moves on her?

 

[GrapeApe]

lol second cousin? idk where you got that from...

i do believe in seduction, ive done it and have had it done to me multiple times. but in the scenario youre using it in, everyone has a choice. i dont care how much game someone has, if your lady cheats on you that was her decision she should be held accountable for and vice versa. you have a choice in that scenario whether you want to have *** with someone, if not, you got raped. like what he was just so charming your panties took on a mind of their own and came off? like theres no excuse unless you were raped

ive never dated a women that wasnt hit on in front of me or around me. it just comes with the territory when youre dating someone super attractive. but you have to show strength i believe with women, if im acting all insecure and jealous, throwing combos and tantrums every time someone tries to get at her, that just shows weakness and signals a lack of trust to both of her and the guy shooting his shot. like shes gorgeous, i get it, thats why im hitting it. i just let her handle it

 

[Infant]

How did that happen?

 

[GrapeApe]

How did that happen?

lol my bad i deleted the post and reposted it because my phone messed up the send

Hehehehe

So in some cases seduction works and in some scenarios it magically stops working and the person has their mind working properly 100% of the time?


Okay, lets say a dude pretended to be just a friend but you knew he was putting his moves on her?

seduction is just another form of suggestion. like if i suggest to have *** with a women who shows interest in me by like talking in her ear, telling her how sexy she is and what my tongue wants to do to her, kissing her neck, rubbing on her lower back, pulling her close to me and kissing her lips, etc. im suggesting sexual activity to her or in other words seducing her. shes aware of whats happening, women arent stupid, at some point she decided to be open to the suggestion. even with hypnosis, hypnotherapists are feeding your subconscious suggestions but -you- have to be open to accepting the suggestion, they cant make you do something you dont want to do. now if shes so drunk or high where her decision making is impaired, that she cant respond to a suggestion and is in a situation where shes doing something sexually she doesnt want to do with someone who suggested it. she didnt cheat on you in that case, she was raped

i would kiss her infront of him, slap her butt, wrap my arms around her and kiss her cheek. one of those while hes doing it to get my point across

 

[Infant]

lol my bad i deleted the post and reposted it because my phone messed up the send



seduction is just another form of suggestion. like if i suggest to have *** with a women who shows interest in me by like talking in her ear, telling her how sexy she is and what my tongue wants to do to her, kissing her neck, rubbing on her lower back, pulling her close to me and kissing her lips, etc. im suggesting sexual activity to her or in other words seducing her. shes aware of whats happening, women arent stupid, at some point she decided to be open to the suggestion. even with hypnosis, hypnotherapists are feeding your subconscious suggestions but -you- have to be open to accepting the suggestion, they cant make you do something you dont want to do. now if shes so drunk or high where her decision making is impaired, that she cant respond to a suggestion and is in a situation where shes doing something sexually she doesnt want to do with someone who suggested it. she didnt cheat on you in that case, she was raped

i would kiss her infront of him, slap her butt, wrap my arms around her and kiss her cheek. one of those while hes doing it to get my point across

Technically, people are analogous, not digital/binary.

In this context, it means we don't switch between "drunk" and "fully, 100% sober". So the idea that someone is fully in control of themselves or can't be overpowered - even by mere suggestion, never mind full on seductive techniques (that do not need to be described) that appeal to deep instincts - just because they're not drunk is faulty. That's just with normal people, never mind with most people (see what it did there) who have childhood issues that make them specifically susceptible to certain types of suggestions (from fear based manipulation to desire based manipulation). It's why/how the propaganda industry exists and has so much power - people are never immune to something, even basic suggestions.

So do you not see a scenario in which your SO could get gotten by a skilled manipulator of the mind?

Post automatically merged: Aug 12, 2020

Simply put, I'm looking for the precise line that separates things, here.

The grain of sand that turns a hill into a mountain, if you will

 

[GrapeApe]

Technically, people are analogous, not digital/binary.

In this context, it means we don't switch between "drunk" and "fully, 100% sober". So the idea that someone is fully in control of themselves or can't be overpowered - even by mere suggestion, never mind full on seductive techniques (that do not need to be described) that appeal to deep instincts - just because they're not drunk is faulty. That's just with normal people, never mind with most people (see what it did there) who have childhood issues that make them specifically susceptible to certain types of suggestions (from fear based manipulation to desire based manipulation). It's why/how the propaganda industry exists and has so much power - people are never immune to something, even basic suggestions.

So do you not see a scenario in which your SO could get gotten by a skilled manipulator of the mind?

i dont disagree in theory but in this context i dont think its possible. suggestion works because it makes you believe that something is a good idea, right like in marketing, politics, etc. theyre making you believe something by triggering existing thoughts in your subconscious. hypnotherapists put you in a trance state and plant suggestions in your subconscious to help reprogram your mind, which is important, they reprogram your mind. marketing ads, politicians, players, etc. are already adhering to the program. so for seduction the suggestion would have to be adhering to the program, someone cant reprogram it without you letting yourself be susceptible to your subconscious like in hypnotherapy. thats so because its really hard to reprogram your subconscious thoughts past a certain age (late teens), a good example would be like habits people have, its extremely hard for most people to create new habits or switch their habits and it takes constant conscious effort to do so. that because theres a program ingrained in your subconscious

if youve lived youre whole life believing strongly against infidelity, someone trying to seduce you wont override that in this context. they could possibly adhere to you leaving the person for them. but making you have *** with them, when you didnt want too, i dont think so. even like people who are put into like blackmail situations make a choice to adhere to that, out of fear but it was their conscious effort and decision after weighing the options. but to have some guy penetrate her without her allowing it or agreeing to it is rape. that why youre original question i gave the response i did, at some point she would have to have made a decision to cheat, otherwise she was raped

Simply put, I'm looking for the precise line that separates things, here.

The grain of sand that turns a hill into a mountain, if you will

with someone hitting on her and me wanting to fight?

 

[Infant]

i dont disagree in theory but in this context i dont think its possible. suggestion works because it makes you believe that something is a good idea, right like in marketing, politics, etc. theyre making you believe something by triggering existing thoughts in your subconscious. hypnotherapists put you in a trance state and plant suggestions in your subconscious to help reprogram your mind, which is important, they reprogram your mind. marketing ads, politicians, players, etc. are already adhering to the program. so for seduction the suggestion would have to be adhering to the program, someone cant reprogram it without you letting yourself be susceptible to your subconscious like in hypnotherapy. thats so because its really hard to reprogram your subconscious thoughts past a certain age (late teens), a good example would be like habits people have, its extremely hard for most people to create new habits or switch their habits and it takes constant conscious effort to do so. that because theres a program ingrained in your subconscious

if youve lived youre whole life believing strongly against infidelity, someone trying to seduce you wont override that in this context. they could possibly adhere to you leaving the person for them. but making you have *** with them, when you didnt want too, i dont think so. even like people who are put into like blackmail situations make a choice to adhere to that, out of fear but it was their conscious effort and decision after weighing the options. but to have some guy penetrate her without her allowing it or agreeing to it is rape. that why youre original question i gave the response i did, at some point she would have to have made a decision to cheat, otherwise she was raped

Aren't we already born with some degree of pre-programming?

Or if not, then by the time we're adults we already have a strong attachment to some kind of programming, yes? Since every style has a weakness and triggers, that means that we are even more susceptible to the openings within our specific programming. So that means someone who knows how to play them could get you to dance with them with you hardly thinking about it. Similar to how you'd automatically run from a knife wielding thief without any thought, or how those magicians (Focus, Now You See Me) do suggestive card tricks.

So if somebody uses this knowledge for . . . Then . . .

with someone hitting on her and me wanting to fight?

Specifically, with you feeling the need to intervene while simultaneously your girl hasn't been pushed against her will.

And in other contexts, what actions can people be held accountable and responsible for, what actions can they be excused for.

And so on

 

[minamoto]

tbh i can't answer you cuz i dont know..

 

[Infant]

tbh i can't answer you cuz i dont know..

Knowledge is a collection of ideas and confirmations.

So,even if you just have an idea, perhaps it can be combined with others or confirmed in some way to lead to knowledge. It's always useful

 

[HowDidIGetPrem]

I think monogamy is flawed because this. Relationships, even friendships to an extent, truly do work on a first-come first-served basis.

 

[minamoto]

i love lesbians....my dream is to have 3 womens sleep with me..

 

[Infant]

I think monogamy is flawed because this. Relationships, even friendships to an extent, truly do work on a first-come first-served basis.

What of the idea of committment requiring such effort that polygamy simply diminishes the value of any relationship.

That is to say, romance takes too much effort to get the most out of to think any individual can commit to more than one person at a time?

Post automatically merged: Aug 12, 2020

i love lesbians....my dream is to have 3 womens sleep with me..

Hahahaha

Isn't that just the default setting for the any guy?

 

[minamoto]

grapapp let me PM u stop hiding teh PM option..

 

[GrapeApe]

Aren't we already born with some degree of pre-programming?

Or if not, then by the time we're adults we already have a strong attachment to some kind of programming, yes? Since every style has a weakness and triggers, that means that we are even more susceptible to the openings within our specific programming. So that means someone who knows how to play them could get you to dance with them with you hardly thinking about it. Similar to how you'd automatically run from a knife wielding thief without any thought, or how those magicians (Focus, Now You See Me) do suggestive card tricks.

So if somebody uses this knowledge for . . . Then . . .



Specifically, with you feeling the need to intervene while simultaneously your girl hasn't been pushed against her will.

And in other contexts, what actions can people be held accountable and responsible for, what actions can they be excused for.

And so on

well they say that the most important years are ages 0-4, in that time period is pretty much where youre programming is created. i get what youre going for but like reacting on instinct isnt the same as acting from suggestion. youre consciously choosing to run as a defense mechanism from the thief, thats instinct, youre also not being suggested during the robbery, youre being threatened with violence. a closer example of a thief using suggestion would be a con artist swindling someone out of their money, like a pyramid scheme for example but again you have to be open to the suggestion, its not possible to make them do something they dont want too with suggestion. with a magician using a card trick, youre making yourself open to suggestion like i said before. most people are familiar with magicians, so when they ask you, "do you want to see a card trick?". you have the choice to either make yourself open to the suggestion or not based on your prior experience with it. which would be the same in theory suggestively as someone trying to seduce a women, like i said women are smart and can tell when someone is trying to get some pussy. at some point when the guy brings that into their awareness (which is apart of suggestion) they have the choice to either be open to the suggestion, or decline......

hmm...i would feel the need to intervene if like it was an ex of hers trying to get back with her. they already have the histroy and prior attachment, nothing drastic, just like making my presence known and getting involved in the conversation. thats probably the only scenario i could think of

theres so many actions people can be held accountable for....thats a rabbit hole. what people can be excused for is totally based on context i believe, context is really important

Post automatically merged: Aug 12, 2020

i love lesbians....my dream is to have 3 womens sleep with me..

i believe in you Mo, you can do it

 

[Infant]

well they say that the most important years are ages 0-4, in that time period is pretty much where youre programming is created. i get what youre going for but like reacting on instinct isnt the same as acting from suggestion. youre consciously choosing to run as a defense mechanism from the thief, thats instinct, youre also not being suggested during the robbery, youre being threatened with violence. a closer example of a thief using suggestion would be a con artist swindling someone out of their money, like a pyramid scheme for example but again you have to be open to the suggestion, its not possible to make them do something they dont want too with suggestion. with a magician using a card trick, youre making yourself open to suggestion like i said before. most people are familiar with magicians, so when they ask you, "do you want to see a card trick?". you have the choice to either make yourself open to the suggestion or not based on your prior experience with it. which would be the same in theory suggestively as someone trying to seduce a women, like i said women are smart and can tell when someone is trying to get some pussy. at some point when the guy brings that into their awareness (which is apart of suggestion) they have the choice to either be open to the suggestion, or decline......

hmm...i would feel the need to intervene if like it was an ex of hers trying to get back with her. they already have the histroy and prior attachment, nothing drastic, just like making my presence known and getting involved in the conversation. thats probably the only scenario i could think of

theres so many actions people can be held accountable for....thats a rabbit hole. what people can be excused for is totally based on context i believe, context is really important

So you're saying that suggestions happen inside a room of possibility, but the girl (or guy) has to open the door first?

What if some one gets you tipsy, and then does their abolute best look-a-like of your girl. Would that count as you cheating or you being tricked out of your control?

What if your girl is thinking: my dude isn't guaranteed to be happy ever after, I need to keep my options open (security reasons, its rough in da hood when you ain't got a dude), so she entertains an approach - but not because she's actually planning to cheat there and then. If the dude who's hitting on her then turns out to be some epic yogi/guru of charm and all that, and your girl falls for his charms, would you blame her?

 

[GrapeApe]

So you're saying that suggestions happen inside a room of possibility, but the girl (or guy) has to open the door first?

What if some one gets you tipsy, and then does their abolute best look-a-like of your girl. Would that count as you cheating or you being tricked out of your control?

What if your girl is thinking: my dude isn't guaranteed to be happy ever after, I need to keep my options open (security reasons, its rough in da hood when you ain't got a dude), so she entertains an approach - but not because she's actually planning to cheat there and then. If the dude who's hitting on her then turns out to be some epic yogi/guru of charm and all that, and your girl falls for his charms, would you blame her?

from the person trying to seduce yeah, id say thats accurate

the other two questions i already explained earlier. though i am curious now what you think about your scenario with the spouse and neighbor?

 

[Infant]

from the person trying to seduce yeah, id say thats accurate

the other two questions i already explained earlier. though i am curious now what you think about your scenario with the spouse and neighbor?

Atalanta just lost.

I'd just move the fam to a different neighbourhood. Human psychology is weird, too wierdfor me to say with 100% certainty that every decision is an expression of free will and not some sort of trickery. So avoid the problem altogether.