Creative Writing Competition #2

Michael92

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Just a suggestion I think people have to confirm who are participating and create a list and future competitions could you make it more vague the fun part of writing stories for me is creating interesting premises.
The first contest was actually pretty vague if you read its premise. All we got then was the theme 'Assassination.' It changes from contest to contest obviously to keep things fresh. Next one could be even more specific or even vaguer than the first one for instance. You can suggest themes here:
 

The Pervy Sage

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The first contest was actually pretty vague if you read its premise. All we got then was the theme 'Assassination.' It changes from contest to contest obviously to keep things fresh. Next one could be even more specific or even vaguer than the first one for instance. You can suggest themes here:
The next one is gonna be unique as well, but open at the same time, it's gonna see how well you are at adapting
 
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DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE SUBJECTIVE OPINIONS AND CRITIQUE. Im not thinking this through. Just writing what I feel about the pieces and might even change my mind while typing. Second no real criteria. I like what I like and feel what I feel. LOL. Overall I just want to read something awesome. Im sure others have different opinions so please don't be mad, or don't read these if you think you might get mad.

Entry 1
It never hurts to have a fan favorite as your character of choice. I love Levi and I think It was written well. The deaths were very AOT like as they were sudden and shocking even though you saw it coming (Mikasa's especially). I liked it, but I think its held back by the world and the series. This prompt gave everyone an opportunity to put characters in unlikely positions and I think we've kinda seen this playout in a way with these specific characters. Moreover, since its such a brutal world although the deaths of main characters were shocking to say the least, the emotional response just wasn't there for me through no fault of your own because you held true to the nature of the show. Its just that if you've watched the show you have mentally prepared yourself for sudden, brutal deaths and so its just hard to get a reaction when someone dies other than..."Damn." Other than that its good and I think you did really well by staying true to the characters and making this believable which is a testament to your skills.

Entry 2
Thought the style here was interesting. Don't know much about the series but I think I picked it up more or less. The ending was my favorite part because I think the reasoning behind his decision was beautifully written and something you could seriously relate to. It's definitely easy to remember this entry so that could help it get some votes. Plus metaphors? Love those things. LOL "hugged my mother", "Kissed my father" like damn. Used positive terms to highlight the dark act taking place. Then you circle everything back to the first couple of lines which never hurts so all in all great job. That was cool beans.

Entry 3
Absolutely loved this. Written really well and I love how you slowly reveal the character although you can probably guess what it is halfway through. I think they used the prompt really well and built around a world where you wouldn't normally see this kind of thing which only added to how awesomely tragic it was because the whole time you're like wtf, are you serious? The imagery was eye opening because again you don't see this sort of thing in that show so It just hits you so hard. But in the same token its believable because the show takes place in a best case scenario reality, but if you wanted REALITY this is what could really happen in such a universe so its still believable. Its not like you made Mr. Ratburn a serial killer and Arthur is trying to get revenge. So the entire time I'm just crying out here because you're describing in detail just wtf took place. This is further enhanced by telling it from the point of view of Pikachu because you normally don't get to see actual dialogue to specifically know what is going on through its mind so to hear its thoughts as this is all happening invokes an emotional response as well. Pikachu really can't do anything about its trainer getting injured and it just makes it hurt even more because although you want to save them you simply cant do it. A lot of feels and I think this has a real chance to win.

Entry 4
I liked how they went outside the box and chose a villain to be the star of the show. I feel like this was a good concept to try but I would have preferred they chose a villain/antagonist you could sympathize with more since you can't help but kinda like the fact that Doffy is in this position. Don't get me wrong I love Doffy as a character/villain and his backstory is tragic, but he is just such a prick man. Like dude is evil incarnate, so while many of the other prompts evoke an emotional response and get me invested I'm just like...that's what you get dude but I guess that is also good in its own way. I did enjoy getting to look into his psyche since it was told from his point of view. He is so twisted that it is a once in a lifetime chance to actually see what he is thinking so maybe that was what you were going for. Its just for me personally I cant feel sorry for him and we have kind of seen this playout already. (And I'm thinking as I'm typing so forgive me if I'm all over the place) but maybe you didn't want us to feel sorry for him at all. Maybe you wanted us to see what motivates such a man. SO this was one of my favorite parts right here.>>>‘I’ve always known that, So I had to ask myself, how do you hurt one who can neither love nor mourn, who misses nobody, what drives and motivates this feeling-less hollow shell of a man? The answer was simple when I thought about it. Power.’" He snapped his fingers as a nearby chunk of debris vanished and was replaced with a body. A white shrouded crumpled heap lay between us. Caesar the Clown.

Reason I love it was because it put it into perspective of what CC represented. Most if not all the other stories involve a physical companion whom they value more than anything but for Doffy it was the concept of power itself. CC was just the concept incarnate. It was his Power on the brink of death, his control. It was his power that would be lost should he take revenge and satisfy his pride, so he saved Caesar but in reality he was just saving the power and control he represented. Loved that take and the more I analyze your story and debate with myself the more I love it so Kudos.

Entry 5
….WHOO that thing is long. I liked the story and enjoyed some of the twists. I imagine having to explain the new concepts helped lengthen this piece as well as a fleshed out battle scene. That aside I liked the different takes on Kakashi since he is a relatively reserved person and you got to see some really drastic sides of him, ranging from committing suicide out of hopelessness to committing genocide after losing his mind because of that same hopelessness. Perhaps you should work on doing more with less, but I think it was pretty good and to be honest I've seen longer works. LOL

Entry 6: Okay like the third one this effed me up. My heart strings are torn. Really, Deku and Ocha like damn man. Really brings the prompt to your mind and the responsibilities of a hero. I could totally see Deku balling his eyes out while shouting "I'm here" like damn man chill. Your bestfriend possible romantic interest is lying their dying and you have to leave her knowing she is going to die if you don't save her to save people you don't know while this jerk taunts you. NO SIR I PASS! The whole time I was wondering if I could make that same decision. Man Idk I really loved this one and my mind is all over the place because I like those characters and they both are the least deserving of such a fate. It was simple yet so thought provoking. I could totally see this scene playing out in my head and I could definitely see this happening fr although I'm sure the creator wouldn't kill her off....probably. BUT THIS...THIS LINE RIGHT HERE

“I am sorry Ochoko,” Deku finally said. She smiled in response.
“It’s okay Deku because you are here,” she responded.
“I AM HERE,” Izuku echoed. He lowered Ochoko to the ground


Nah eff that I'm not crying, you're crying. Nah man get that out of my face frfr. You ruthless jerk why would you do me like that.
I honestly think this got the strongest response out of me. Like in entry 3 the whole thing was steadily having me in the feels, but like with this It kind of hits all at once right here and just...damn. His responsibilities as not only a friend but a hero was on full display and made this decision even harder than it already was. I also think this has a good chance to win the competition.

Huge edit cuz im goofy as hell.
Entry 7-.Now I like the plot twist of all for one becoming Deku and I loved the bitter ending of Bakugo sacrificing everything only to have All for One stay alive except *badump tis* that’s not the ending! Whoo u really fooled me cuz I didn’t see that spoiler. So first of all I’m an idiot and second of all thanks to the perv master for setting me straight. Now I love this ending. It’s realistic, keeps with the prompt and still maintains the emotions as ur taking for a ride. If u read my previous review I was talking about bakugo’s hot headedness and how I don’t think he would kill his mother;however, i think it works well here as a miniature plot twist. You see as he is debating it ur sitting there like “he wouldn’t kill his mother...would he”. So yeah while u debate it u have to recognize, or at least I feel like their is a 20-30% chance he would do it although rationally I can see he thinks really well under pressure. Then as u read ur like...aw crap he did it. Then ur like...it didn’t even work! *gasp*. Then finally u see he made imo the right choice although his friend is a monster basically and everyone has died. So I like the roller coaster and u actually fooled me fr. Lmbo good job good job. Glad u didn’t off his mom.

-These are my thoughts don't kill me guys
 
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nice thoughts Omega, now I dont know if you gonna make an entry or already have, but I know i have and you have given your thoughts on mine. Anyways, i have also read them all, and I am slowly working through them in my mind to figure which one i like best. Now I myself is not so easily emotionally attached to a piece, so none of them to be honest made me cry or made me emotional even though they should have, its a fault on my side, but Ill be thinking on them all.
 
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The Pervy Sage

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DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE SUBJECTIVE OPINIONS AND CRITIQUE. Im not thinking this through. Just writing what I feel about the pieces and might even change my mind while typing. Second no real criteria. I like what I like and feel what I feel. LOL. Overall I just want to read something awesome. Im sure others have different opinions so please don't be mad, or don't read these if you think you might get mad.

Entry 1
It never hurts to have a fan favorite as your character of choice. I love Levi and I think It was written well. The deaths were very AOT like as they were sudden and shocking even though you saw it coming (Mikasa's especially). I liked it, but I think its held back by the world and the series. This prompt gave everyone an opportunity to put characters in unlikely positions and I think we've kinda seen this playout in a way with these specific characters. Moreover, since its such a brutal world although the deaths of main characters were shocking to say the least, the emotional response just wasn't there for me through no fault of your own because you held true to the nature of the show. Its just that if you've watched the show you have mentally prepared yourself for sudden, brutal deaths and so its just hard to get a reaction when someone dies other than..."Damn." Other than that its good and I think you did really well by staying true to the characters and making this believable which is a testament to your skills.

Entry 2
Thought the style here was interesting. Don't know much about the series but I think I picked it up more or less. The ending was my favorite part because I think the reasoning behind his decision was beautifully written and something you could seriously relate to. It's definitely easy to remember this entry so that could help it get some votes. Plus metaphors? Love those things. LOL "hugged my mother", "Kissed my father" like damn. Used positive terms to highlight the dark act taking place. Then you circle everything back to the first couple of lines which never hurts so all in all great job. That was cool beans.

Entry 3
Absolutely loved this. Written really well and I love how you slowly reveal the character although you can probably guess what it is halfway through. I think they used the prompt really well and built around a world where you wouldn't normally see this kind of thing which only added to how awesomely tragic it was because the whole time you're like wtf, are you serious? The imagery was eye opening because again you don't see this sort of thing in that show so It just hits you so hard. But in the same token its believable because the show takes place in a best case scenario reality, but if you wanted REALITY this is what could really happen in such a universe so its still believable. Its not like you made Mr. Ratburn a serial killer and Arthur is trying to get revenge. So the entire time I'm just crying out here because you're describing in detail just wtf took place. This is further enhanced by telling it from the point of view of Pikachu because you normally don't get to see actual dialogue to specifically know what is going on through its mind so to hear its thoughts as this is all happening invokes an emotional response as well. Pikachu really can't do anything about its trainer getting injured and it just makes it hurt even more because although you want to save them you simply cant do it. A lot of feels and I think this has a real chance to win.

Entry 4
I liked how they went outside the box and chose a villain to be the star of the show. I feel like this was a good concept to try but I would have preferred they chose a villain/antagonist you could sympathize with more since you can't help but kinda like the fact that Doffy is in this position. Don't get me wrong I love Doffy as a character/villain and his backstory is tragic, but he is just such a prick man. Like dude is evil incarnate, so while many of the other prompts evoke an emotional response and get me invested I'm just like...that's what you get dude but I guess that is also good in its own way. I did enjoy getting to look into his psyche since it was told from his point of view. He is so twisted that it is a once in a lifetime chance to actually see what he is thinking so maybe that was what you were going for. Its just for me personally I cant feel sorry for him and we have kind of seen this playout already. (And I'm thinking as I'm typing so forgive me if I'm all over the place) but maybe you didn't want us to feel sorry for him at all. Maybe you wanted us to see what motivates such a man. SO this was one of my favorite parts right here.>>>‘I’ve always known that, So I had to ask myself, how do you hurt one who can neither love nor mourn, who misses nobody, what drives and motivates this feeling-less hollow shell of a man? The answer was simple when I thought about it. Power.’" He snapped his fingers as a nearby chunk of debris vanished and was replaced with a body. A white shrouded crumpled heap lay between us. Caesar the Clown.

Reason I love it was because it put it into perspective of what CC represented. Most if not all the other stories involve a physical companion whom they value more than anything but for Doffy it was the concept of power itself. CC was just the concept incarnate. It was his Power on the brink of death, his control. It was his power that would be lost should he take revenge and satisfy his pride, so he saved Caesar but in reality he was just saving the power and control he represented. Loved that take and the more I analyze your story and debate with myself the more I love it so Kudos.

Entry 5
….WHOO that thing is long. I liked the story and enjoyed some of the twists. I imagine having to explain the new concepts helped lengthen this piece as well as a fleshed out battle scene. That aside I liked the different takes on Kakashi since he is a relatively reserved person and you got to see some really drastic sides of him, ranging from committing suicide out of hopelessness to committing genocide after losing his mind because of that same hopelessness. Perhaps you should work on doing more with less, but I think it was pretty good and to be honest I've seen longer works. LOL

Entry 6: Okay like the third one this effed me up. My heart strings are torn. Really, Deku and Ocha like damn man. Really brings the prompt to your mind and the responsibilities of a hero. I could totally see Deku balling his eyes out while shouting "I'm here" like damn man chill. Your bestfriend possible romantic interest is lying their dying and you have to leave her knowing she is going to die if you don't save her to save people you don't know while this jerk taunts you. NO SIR I PASS! The whole time I was wondering if I could make that same decision. Man Idk I really loved this one and my mind is all over the place because I like those characters and they both are the least deserving of such a fate. It was simple yet so thought provoking. I could totally see this scene playing out in my head and I could definitely see this happening fr although I'm sure the creator wouldn't kill her off....probably. BUT THIS...THIS LINE RIGHT HERE

“I am sorry Ochoko,” Deku finally said. She smiled in response.
“It’s okay Deku because you are here,” she responded.
“I AM HERE,” Izuku echoed. He lowered Ochoko to the ground


Nah eff that I'm not crying, you're crying. Nah man get that out of my face frfr. You ruthless jerk why would you do me like that.
I honestly think this got the strongest response out of me. Like in entry 3 the whole thing was steadily having me in the feels, but like with this It kind of hits all at once right here and just...damn. His responsibilities as not only a friend but a hero was on full display and made this decision even harder than it already was. I also think this has a good chance to win the competition.

Entry 7-.Now I like the plot twist of all for one becoming Deku and I loved the bitter ending of Bakugo sacrificing everything only to have All for One stay alive but here is my issue. Would Bakugo really just blow up his mom like that? Like I felt something more was needed there. I'm not sure what needed to be there but it was missing. Unlike in entry 6 everyone around him was dead and from what I could ascertain, there weren't any civilians nearby besides his mom. Bakugo acts like a hot head but he is actually pretty smart and strategic in battle, plus he takes the hero thing pretty seriously. Even without all of that I think he would save his mom since his first responsibility as a hero would be saving as many people as he can and that's his MOM. At the very least I don't think he would be the one to blow her up. That's just my opinion. I felt like just adding some more constraints to back him into a corner or explaining his decision/reasoning, or even your own reasoning a bit more with character dialogue could have helped here but overall I loved it although it was so sad. Perhaps if he wasn't the one to actually kill his mom you know, or maybe it was a similar situation to entry 6 in which the duty of a hero overcame personal desires, but like damn he really looked at his mom and just blew everything up anyway? That's so messed up, so it kind of takes away from the tragic ending which was really good on its own in so many ways. I believe if you maybe took the mom out and had a weak all might, or another hero in her place it would make more sense because they aren't really civilians and would be working together to defeat all for one. If you had done that I think the ending would be wayyyy more impactful.
-These are my thoughts don't kill me guys
Interesting views on them all. I mean some kinda didn't fully address the problem given in the competition in my opinion. But it's down to the votes.

Was nice to read a review. I think the doffy twist was a great one. And there were feels throughout. Also on the last entry with bakugo's mother, there is a spoiler that the entrant added in, you should read that man, might change your view.
 
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Interesting views on them all. I mean some kinda didn't fully address the problem given in the competition in my opinion. But it's down to the votes.

Was nice to read a review. I think the doffy twist was a great one. And there were feels throughout. Also on the last entry with bakugo's mother, there is a spoiler that the entrant added in, you should read that man, might change your view.
Yeah I think I could see your point on that. I’m a super lenient dude so I honestly probably just twisted it so that they all fit lol but would love to see your opinion on this. Yeah the doffy one got better as I reviewed it. Lol it was hilarious and SPOILERS! Man I totally didn’t see that! Whoooo I screwed that up. After reading it that was ALOT better! Made more sense, was still a bit somber and kept the suspense. Hopefully the writer forgives my foolishness. xD
nice thoughts Omega, now I dont know if you gonna make an entry or already have, but I know i have and you have given your thoughts on mine. Anyways, i have also read them all, and I am slowly working through them in my mind to figure which one i like best. Now I myself is not so easily emotionally attached to a piece, so none of them to be honest made me cry or made me emotional even though they should have, its a fault on my side, but Ill be thinking on them all.
You heartless wrench!!!!!! Jkjk but no probs I entered mine already but I had to review mine too to keep it a secret lmbo. Hopefully yours wasn’t the last one because I just found out about that spoiler so I have to change my thoughts on that xD but yeah no probs man and good luck!
 
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nice thoughts Omega, now I dont know if you gonna make an entry or already have, but I know i have and you have given your thoughts on mine. Anyways, i have also read them all, and I am slowly working through them in my mind to figure which one i like best. Now I myself is not so easily emotionally attached to a piece, so none of them to be honest made me cry or made me emotional even though they should have, its a fault on my side, but Ill be thinking on them all.
We're so much alike sometimes it's scary lol, might be our Scandinavian genes at play but still. My thoughts exactly for most parts. For me though I think knowing a series or not plays a big role. I'm only familiar with about 3 of the manga/animes written about here, so even though the scenery is quite explicit and violent, I find it harder to actually relate to what's happening so I'm like "oh..." while grabbing another potato chips from out of the bag xD Only two entires gave me a "damn..." feel, but I really read all of these with a stone cold attitude lmao. Guess I'm too used to the gore and the crazyness, or rather, too used to seeing it on the screen that writing doesn't evoke the same feelings unless I can relate to the story and the characters. Still though a lot of great entries for sure!~

You heartless wrench!!!!!! Jkjk but no probs I entered mine already but I had to review mine too to keep it a secret lmbo. Hopefully yours wasn’t the last one because I just found out about that spoiler so I have to change my thoughts on that xD but yeah no probs man and good luck!
The reviews were nice! I actually thought I would start reviewing the pieces myself, like in the good old times, but with it being annonymous I didn't want to have to review my own, lol, and once the contest is over people move on anyways. In the end though, time is my main factor. Can't sit around for hours upon end reviewing stuff like I used to to be honest (never forget that 6 hours review I did that didn't really bring nothing to the table, lmao), but good to see that you've taken up the mandate ;)

Like Pete though, I liked the review of my own. Can't really give much more of a comment on it right now, but I'll probably drop some details once it is all over, haha. I've already noted behind my ear what I want to point out of what you said 8)

I have a feeling I know which one is yours actually btw xD :sigar:
 
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Yeah I think I could see your point on that. I’m a super lenient dude so I honestly probably just twisted it so that they all fit lol but would love to see your opinion on this. Yeah the doffy one got better as I reviewed it. Lol it was hilarious and SPOILERS! Man I totally didn’t see that! Whoooo I screwed that up. After reading it that was ALOT better! Made more sense, was still a bit somber and kept the suspense. Hopefully the writer forgives my foolishness. xD

You heartless wrench!!!!!! Jkjk but no probs I entered mine already but I had to review mine too to keep it a secret lmbo. Hopefully yours wasn’t the last one because I just found out about that spoiler so I have to change my thoughts on that xD but yeah no probs man and good luck!
i know im heartless ;) The Norse Gods took it away so that I would not have to feel emotions no more, to be a true warrior XD or maybe im just a wanker who doesnt show it :D
 
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