A song of a broken heart~
- Thread starter shelma
- Start date
this is lovelywease:
Thank u very much!All of u!!
I am soooooo happy! :T_T:
I did feel the same way too....but its a poem i wrote in my school daysJust some friendly advice, you can ignore it if you want:
"Look!everything is destroyed!!" The first ! isn't needed and neither is the last one. An exclamation point does show that OMG moment very well on it's on.
"The memories will blast!" I'm not sure if blast sounds right. I mean to me it doesn't but to you it might. I would use the word "last" instead, but we all write differently. ^_^
"Was their a time when i felt sadness?" Their should be there.
"The light!What a lovely sight!" Be careful with using so much punctuation in a single line of poetry. Even if you still want to keep it there, put the correct spacing for grammar purposes. xd (sorry I'm ocd)
All in all it was good. ^_^
I wasn't really gud those days....my grammar and all xd
I feel that the word "last" suits better too....I'll try better next time
Thank u very much for ur advice!U r an inspiration for my future works!!
Thank u very much for ur time
By the way, I really loved ur poem abt the Samurai!It was superb!!
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:scorps: Have to be quicker my friend.
and yes its really good
I think most of us don't like what we wrote in our high school years, but it's always fun to look back and see how much our works have matured. The poem you read the other day was an English assignment of mine and honestly I don't like it.I did feel the same way too....but its a poem i wrote in my school days
I wasn't really gud those days....my grammar and all xd
I feel that the word "last" suits better too....I'll try better next time
Thank u very much for ur advice!U r an inspiration for my future works!!
Thank u very much for ur time
By the way, I really loved ur poem abt the Samurai!It was superb!!
I have posted a much better poem on the base then that one. xd Just to compare how my works have matured.
I thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me! ^_^ I wish you luck in your writings and in life as well. *bows respectfully* If you ever need me to read something or to just ask me questions, you know where to find me. :ice:
Rand al'Thor
Active member
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This poem is absolutely beautiful.
The opening line definitely catches my attention and I loved how you ended with a question.
My favorite line is: "The light!What a lovely sight! Living still with stolen innocence"
There is something about those lines that just pop out at me.
You did a phenomenal job, Shelma. <3 (;
The opening line definitely catches my attention and I loved how you ended with a question.
My favorite line is: "The light!What a lovely sight! Living still with stolen innocence"
There is something about those lines that just pop out at me.
You did a phenomenal job, Shelma. <3 (;
Marnix Uchiha
Active member
Thank u Bisma
Lets just say,"life is not a bed of roses".loved tit but why so sad..
I know y they pop out at u!This poem is absolutely beautiful.
The opening line definitely catches my attention and I loved how you ended with a question.
My favorite line is: "The light!What a lovely sight! Living still with stolen innocence"
There is something about those lines that just pop out at me.
You did a phenomenal job, Shelma. <3 (;
Cuz u r innocent and pure :hug:
Thank u very much Marnix
*gasp*haha..I wish I could..may be if got the idea..I share with you..
I am honored!
Thank u sweetie~<3
