A song of a broken heart~

[shelma]

HOW LONG IN DARKNESS
​

Completely drained of my calmness
Was it just a simple fight?
He took it as my harshness
No more happy love bite;
And there he walks in coldness
No smile nor a good night!

How long have i stayed in darkness....
I long to see the light.

No more joyful shouts,
Just a deep void.
Him being one of my scouts;
A day i enjoyed.
But when envy sprouts
Look!everything is destroyed!!

How long have i stayed in darkness....
I long to see the light.

And now he is gone
I saw him the last.
My battle is won!
And he's a part of my past
But, at bed, in the dawn
The memories will blast!

How long had i stayed in darkness....?
I can finally see the light!

Was their a time when i felt sadness?
The light!What a lovely sight!
Living still with stolen innocence,
Here i am still with might!.

But there he is,still in the darkness.
Will he ever see the light?!
​

 

[shelma]

I feel kind of sad now, i know what will cheer me up.
A nice and tasty sandwich, nomnomnom that is good sandwich.

Thank u for ur sincere comment!
*gives u a Club Sandwich*

 

[Dave]

its sad but very nice^^

 

[+Kyon+]

Sad but deep. Good job.

 

[shelma]

its sad but very nice^^

Thank u very much dave san

Sad but deep. Good job.

Thank u Kyon kun

 

[darkheart]

I like it

 

[shelma]

I like it

Thank u darkheart

 

[Kyoto Samurai]

deep poem and very well done

 

[Hei]

The poem is deep but i like it very much

 

[EL MAGNIFICO]

the poem tells a story.... its kinda sad but loved it !!
and it was a rhyming one ..that's even better !!
thank u for the link !

 

[shelma]

The poem is deep but i like it very much

Thank u susan kun!

 

[shelma]

the poem tells a story.... its kinda sad but loved it !!
and it was a rhyming one ..that's even better !!
thank u for the link !

Bingo!Its a story indeed!!
Thank u for checking out the link

 

[SHARINGAN_USER UCHIHA_ITACHI]

like the ending...Great effort..!!

 

[Yanto]

Man dats one awesome poem

 

[Daki Kibe]

That ending! So deep~ ;A;
Great job, it's actually not bad.

 

[BadBoy M]

this is lovely wease:

 

[Awkward Linguist]

nice +rep.

 

[Sophie Ezra]

very nice it is very well done its a nice Poem

 

[Seffy]

Just some friendly advice, you can ignore it if you want:

"Look!everything is destroyed!!" The first ! isn't needed and neither is the last one. An exclamation point does show that OMG moment very well on it's on.

"The memories will blast!" I'm not sure if blast sounds right. I mean to me it doesn't but to you it might. I would use the word "last" instead, but we all write differently. ^_^

"Was their a time when i felt sadness?" Their should be there.

"The light!What a lovely sight!" Be careful with using so much punctuation in a single line of poetry. Even if you still want to keep it there, put the correct spacing for grammar purposes. xd (sorry I'm ocd)

All in all it was good. ^_^

 

[Ebi..]

Just some friendly advice, you can ignore it if you want:

"Look!everything is destroyed!!" The first ! isn't needed and neither is the last one. An exclamation point does show that OMG moment very well on it's on.

"The memories will blast!" I'm not sure if blast sounds right. I mean to me it doesn't but to you it might. I would use the word "last" instead, but we all write differently. ^_^

"Was their a time when i felt sadness?" Their should be there.

"The light!What a lovely sight!" Be careful with using so much punctuation in a single line of poetry. Even if you still want to keep it there, put the correct spacing for grammar purposes. xd (sorry I'm ocd)

All in all it was good. ^_^

seems like you beat me to it xD


and yes its really good