Thoughts on Dating Someone with Kids

[Narushima]

It's a sound guess.

I doubt any of the guys here are going to tell a girl not to date a guy who has kids. But of course feel free to pretend it's not the case.

If only human nature was fair. Double standards like those are universal in human culture and hence of a biological origin.

Incidentally, the feminist author Cordelia Fine has received much publicity in western media about her new book – though merely another in the long list of feminist denial of evolutionary biology. In Cordelia Fine’s world – where sexual selection doesn’t exist, there would indeed be no *** differences in matters like those.

In the real world, however, humans, like virtually all other mammals with sexual dimorphism, are a highly sexually selected species. This means that ancestrally and even today, males show much greater variance in reproductive fitness than do females.

Cuckoldry is not a problem for a female since she can be sure that the offspring she gave birth to are part of her reproductive fitness - but the same cannot be said for a male. Consequently, you should expect selection for mate-guarding tendencies in males. These behaviours, however embellished they may be by human intelligence, would have to be deeply ingrained in the male psyche.

The upshot? Males are less likely than females to pair-bond with a member of the opposite *** with offspring.

 

[Avani]

The upshot? Males are less likely than females to pair-bond with a member of the opposite *** with offspring.

Not really. If that were true the human history and literature wouldn't have been filled with plight of step kids, conspiracies and wars over property and attention of parents for one's own kid, all over.

Otherwise, it goes both ways-depending upon social conditioning- that's another level of evolution humans went through. If humans still followed social behaviour of other mammals to the tee then we would still be living in caves.

 

[iNotorious]

Nothing out of ordinary. I'd date regardless if she has kids or not. Not all relationships work.

 

[Sakura Bunny]

Fuk no
I don't even want to have kids of my own lol
Why would I want to deal with someone else's wtf :sakubun:

 

[Nobel]

I guess that depends on the age of those "kids", i normally avoid those conditions.

 

[shelke]

This is a can of worms, honestly. My honest opinion? It depends upon the situation and the party involved. Is the person with the children worth pursuing? Are the kids able to accept you in their lives? Are you mature enough to handle the cliched "family drama" that comes with broken families (provided that we are looking at divorcees here)? There are a lot of factors involved here and simply stating it's wise or unwise are two generlized responses in my eyes.

If the person lost the spouse to natural causes, then it becomes the trouble of "filling in" the shoes of the said person. You will keep trying, but, I highly doubt anyone can match up to the "idealized" notions of the deceased. They are forver consecrated in the eyes of their children. You will never win. Can I blame them? No, as it's hard to accept another person in the place of your loved ones. Changes are hard. And such changes are even harder. Impossible even to accept and embrace.

Then, the question arrises; are you willing to be of a secondary value within such a family, if you are looking for settling down? I believe very few people will have the patience to go through with this. The only second, happy marriages I have seen last are those where the children from one or the either party are old enough (late teens; early twenties) to be responsible on their own. They are also at such a point in their lives when they are moving away from the idea of "dependence" on their parents and towards an "independent" life. They see less reason to meddle in their parents affairs as there are less reasons to stake claims on. It's simply one of the factors of growing up.

Sure, there are other cases as well, where the children never got along with the abscent parent and consider the replacement to be a better option in their upbringing. Or, the children accept the death of their parent and embrace a new one in their lives. However, those cases are few and far in-between. As I said, it depends.

 

[Legendary Saiyan]

why are you assuming it's a woman with kids?
Are single fathers not a thing?

You must be registered for see images

I kek'd.


OT: Honestly, that's up to them if they're committed for it.

 

[whiteboy2345]

Taking care of someone elses kids isn't my responsibility, and I don't want to feel like a replacement. On top of that, I'll be forced to love those kids as much as I love my child with the woman I'm now married to, which I can't do. I'm slightly nepotistic despite my weak familial ties with family members.

To be specific, I'd be extremely nepotistic toward my offspring and the woman who gives birth to them.

 

[Ambivalence]

Fuk no
I don't even want to have kids of my own lol
Why would I want to deal with someone else's wtf :sakubun:

This, honestly.

 

[Edward Snowden]

If humans still followed social behaviour of other mammals to the tee then we would still be living in caves.

That's a false cause logical fallacy, right there.

 

[Avani]

That's a false cause logical fallacy, right there.

Read the sentence before that. It's in continuation.

 

[~Ethereal~]

Well my step grandma was fine with my dad and whatnot, so yeah it all depends really.

 

[Deadlift]

Well my step grandma was fine with my dad and whatnot, so yeah it all depends really.

Do you have kids?

 

[~Ethereal~]

Do you have kids?

Nooooo! My dad's mum died right after he was born and my granddad already had 5 kids, so he remarried again to my step grandma. And, she looked after them well as having her own kids. All got on fine.

 

[YowYan]

Done that already. Twice. But not long enough to get too involved with their kids. ..which sounds really wrong when I read that part but jokes aside; you know what I mean.

Anywho, I don't think most answers on this thread would be of any validity. There's a sense of maturity and experience needed in this field to form a proper input. If you're an adolescent than it's very understandable you wouldn't want to be in such a situation but for real grown-ups the experience and mentality are different. Your view always evolves with time..if that makes sense to any on here.

 

[Punk Hazard]

Nooooo! My dad's mum died right after he was born and my granddad already had 5 kids, so he remarried again to my step grandma. And, she looked after them well as having her own kids. All got on fine.

Do you want some?

 

[~Ethereal~]

Do you want some?

Some days, I say yes! Other days, I am like hell nooooo!

 

[whiteboy2345]

That's a false cause logical fallacy, right there.

When women want to get dirty and grimy I'll believe you. Men didn't build civilization by being like women.

 

[Conspirator.]

That depends on the situation but honestly the kids will add another layer of complexity to your relationship and that is something you'd have to find a way to navigate through.

 

[Deadlift]

Some days, I say yes! Other days, I am like hell nooooo!

Wth I was trying to troll you but I can't force myself to do that. You're too cute