Your frustration with the situation and reluctance to pay for the phone card doesn’t make you a selfish person, nor does it seem like you are only looking out for yourself either. Although no one here really understands the exact context behind your cousin’s behaviours, it’s clear that this recurring issue has the potential to get much worse for everyone involved. Whether you decide to pay the $10 or not is entirely up to you, but doing so or not doing so alone would only be a ‘band aid’ solution. I’m not sure how feasible this is (or if someone has already tried), but having an open, goal-directed conversation with your cousin about these issues, and finding realistic, purposeful solutions together (and perhaps seeking external support if necessary) could lead to more long-term results. Preferably, it is initiated by someone who has a good rapport with your cousin. The idea is to use a collaborative approach that minimizes the risk of feelings getting hurt and finger-pointing, which, although is understandable in these kinds of situations, does little to nothing to remedy the issue at hand. I’m not saying that everyone has to be super patient and completely empathetic, but your cousin might need a little more direction than just being told what he should or should not be doing at his age. Make it clear that you guys aren’t there to enable him, but rather to support him in making better decisions and becoming financially independent (i.e. learning how to manage money; developing skills for finding and maintaining employment). Your mom is obviously concerned, but I don’t think it was appropriate for her to call you selfish. She most likely doesn’t fully understand where you are coming from, and what your concerns are on the matter. Anyway, I hope things work out for you and your family.
