I don't RP as much as I wanted or once did. Sadly, Life and duty have prevented me from doing so.
I think that like others said, its an addiction. I won't ever say the RP is perfect. Its something that is constantly being built upon. The reason I still keep coming back and haven't simply stepped down and concentrated on others things I enjoy spending my time in, is that... NB is special. NB is a community. And I take pleasure in knowing I work to make it function and keep it going.
NB has helped me through rough patches in life, to simply come online and forget problems, stress, etc. For a few hours a day I could simply interact with people and forget about problems which occupy my mind but that I couldn't actually solve. It has been a huge part of my life, both personal and professional as I have learned many things during my time here and while fullfilling my current duties as a Moderator. Its something that I simply cannot separate from my life. NB is a constant at this point for me. Same as...speaking with my parents on the phone everyday. Its important, its there and its both a duty and a pleasure. Its like...family.
And in NB, I've found family. As cheesy as that sounds. I've found one very big and personal friend that transcends the menial notion of an "NB friend". Coupled with that, I've found and had the pleasure of working with several amazing people. I've met important people like Pervy, Scary Yamato, Nexus, Lawliet, Zen, Caliburn, Wesobi, Ira, Lili, Reborn, Adachi, Madara, Skorm that I'll always take with me. Even if contact is lost. Others that taught me so much about myself and others, that allowed me to learn many things. Like Yard, Howard, Toku, Taiketsu, Vision, Adachi, Sharingdork, Gobi, Kerrah, NK, ZK, Zise, Rei, Vincent, McRazor, Mephistopheles, Scarface, Mugiwara, Roku, Izuna, Mathias, Typhon, Raiden, Kirabi, Kagustsuchi, Goro, Akiza, Emperor, Alucard, Jinbei, Crutch... The list is endless. Some taught me what not to become. Others taught me how to do the job. Others taught me humility. Others respect. Others taught me never to juudge a book by its cover. Others taught me never to expect apple trees to give you oranges. Others taught me that the best intentions are often shrouded in mistakes. Others simply tested me and my ability to...absorb. To shut the **** up and forget. Others tried teaching me stuff I couldn't learn. Others things I never understood...nor they. Most never knew they taught me so much and most still believe I forgot them or dislike them or wtv. But in the end... in the end we all share this "hobby" of manga, anime and the imaginarium that are unreal universes. Where people can shoot fireballs from their hands and fly or others can read minds; where magic exists and is normal. A hobby that makes us argue about stuff that others find simply ridiculous but that only we understand. A place where, despite all our divergences and differences, we all belong. I belong on NB, one way or another. Its a community I belong to. And thats an important feeling that keeps making me come back and stay. That motivates me to work more and more for it. Even at personal and professional costs in RL.
And more importantly is the certainty that I know NB has helped many of you. In many ways. The kid that is bullied in school and comes online to forget the misery he goes through everyday and can feel good for a few hours. Where he can find others that go through the same thing and that understand him. Where he can feel less alone. Where he can learn to surpass it. The kid that has parents that don't care about him, so stressed with their works they are that they don't even know he exists. The kid whose parents got divorced and that feels thorn inside. Or whose parents argue day in day out or that even beat him... The kid that is feeling different because he is afraid he might not be like the others; straight. The kid that is stressed with school and pressured to get good grades but simply can't. The kid that has this huge imagination and inteligence but can't really put it into anything. The kid that faces depression. But also the teenagers, the adults. The people who, in NB, find a community that day in day out allows them to lose themselves and forget all that for a few hours. That allows them to grow, to become stronger, to learn, to cope, to deal with everything. To forget and overcome it all. NB is a community that allows this to all. And a community where many take solace in. Its this knowledge that makes me come back and continue to work for this community to still function and hopefully grow. The knowledge that I'm working for something bigger than myself that actually serves a purpose for so many of us.
I know its a bit cheesy. Or a lot. But its the truth. The idea that by being a moderator I can help all of this happen and exist? Thats superb! Its amazing! And its being part of that....that makes me come back to this site. To RP. To work on it.
Some will not understand and dismiss this as pretty empty words. Others might be indiferent but those who know me know this to be true. Those know how much I sacrifice to be here and work on this community. What we all sacrifice to do it. Those who know me know that I'm temperamental and less forgiving than most with rules, which I take seriously, because NB means so much to me that its hard to put in words. Not because I'm some antisemitic genocidal maniac of the 40's middle europe. That that's the reason why some comments and personal insults have, at times, affected me so much to the point of considering leaving. To the point of questioning "why the **** do I do this?" and not getting much off a valid answer. Because this is something serious to me. Not a joke. And many things can be said of me. That I'm unstable to deal with. That I'm harsh. Sometimes ironic. That I'm temperamental. That I'm stubborn and headstrong. At times borderlining the psicotic. That I've become antisocial. That I'm arrogant. That I'm stupid. However, no one can say that I don't do my best for this community. That I haven't done a good job. That my work is sub par. That I don't know what I'm talking about. That I'm not fair. That I cannot admit I'm wrong when proven otherwise. That I don't care.
So to answer this question, its simple... I come back to this RP and I'm here after 3 years of moderating (yay for me...no one noticed it but its been 3 years in the begining of this month that I've been a moderator) and 6 years, almost 7 of being a member, because I care about this site; its family to me. Its a constant. A certainty in my life. A place that I'll never forget and which, if it ends, will leave an empty hole that nothing will fill. Thats why.
