The Sach
Active member
Awards
16th January 2013:: The day when I joined. Bloody Four years have passed since then (if we count the couple of stalking years without registration: 6 years.lol)
"Tempus Fugit"::: My first girlfriend liked this phrase a lot.
Most of you might not even know me and I don't feel bad about it. In a similar way, I don't have any regrets about not being the member with the highest post count on the base or not winning the most awards or not getting the most reputation points or not being one of the greatest RPer ever (I could have done much better job as Senpai, but meh..)
So, here I am. After four years, looking back and wondering as I turn 24: how much Narutobase contributed to my life. Yes, can a forum become an integral part of ones' life? I dunno. Although, here I am. Writing to you guys about my life, about Sach that you guys know and yet maybe don’t know?
For those who don’t know me, I am a Masters student at an Ivy League university pursuing master of science in Electrical Engineering, graduating this December. I have two jobs on cards right now: both at two giant tech firms, both offering me good salaries. Yet, here I am, feeling lonely internally more than I have ever felt. Its like world around me exists and yet beyond certain extent it doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and they love me a lot, but beyond certain extent, I think they just think of me as an uncool guy living mundane life.
I thought of committing suicide 4 times in last one year. Yes, ****ing 4 times in one year. Currently, I am undergoing counseling because of this, but I don’t know where I am going.
I am scared. I am scared of going down the path, which I don’t know will take me where. I hate that tomorrow if I die, people won’t care about me and I will just go down as another one of those useless individuals whose life value is 0 in this world of infinite people and I don’t want to go down like that. I want to fight and maybe this thought is what made me rethink about suicide.
Though it isn’t only about friends, it can never be about only friends. It is about family too.
Which I don’t have apparently. My dad doesn’t care about me (he never liked me, still he doesn’t). If he thinks that sitting in a fancy office and doing fancy work while not thinking about his own son and situation he is in across the continent, is being nice dad, maybe he doesn’t deserve to be a dad.
Although one thing that stopped me from pushing my life on deathbed is the urge to love, urge to fight, because I know somehow somewhere in this world, someone cares about me. Let it be the people that I met on this forum or friends that I never get to interact with everyday, but were my best friends at some point in time or the strangers that helped me out in a random convenient store. I know, I am not a mortal with really great value, but I know I will make myself valuable. That is my dream, that is my goal.
I will fight for that goal, for that dream, even though my life has been in a way a failure story. In a way, I am like current Narutobase: fighting for survival, working hard to rejuvenate, has a story to tell and has a long way to go.
So on my 24th birthday, I would like to thank Narutobase and all its members (the one that I know and the one I don’t know), for creating this amazing community.
Thank you very much!
This is Sach. Over and out!
