"Utopic Monkeys" - Chapter 9.. **** Liquor - Open till Dawn

[John Constantine]

Re: "Utopic Monkeys" - Chapter 9.. The Infamous Chapter that was banned by the Forums

David Fincher ehh.... im taking back my words about sharlok homes, its Fight Club..anyways awsome mix, atleast i know i have right thoughts

and i missed flame again ehh?

Spoiler

meet Shura

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Sujiro

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Dante D)

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and SANTANICO PANDEMONIUM

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OHHH man, Fight Club is my favourite movie ever for all the substance it has.
I will spill the beans a little, i though in a mini-arc when Sujiro goes on a mission in orders from Captain Ken to know more about a certain character that have founded a clandestine Fight Club but it's still pretty much in the air.​

 

[Michael92]

Haven`t read the edited version yet, but i guess it`s great as well, considering that this many peoples writes good comments and many replies.

Thanks to Caliburn for stopping a flame war. And while we`re talking about him, here`s a side note.

Happy Birthday Cali! Its 10 minutes past midnight here and already 28. April

Nice to see you back Kenshin, but you shouldn`t go around saying you`re the best all the time, even if you arexd It may actually offend some other writers

Anyway. More violence next time? He*k, i need to read the edited version. If it`s the same as the original, then that`s just mad to add more violencexd

Give a note when i have..

 

[Since yesterday]

all over and gone? -_- yeah, right and thats why you just talked about it and boosted your ego :|

btw, i don't see what the fuss is about. its just talk, descritpion, talk...etc..and both poor :/

Age: 17

Yes he is egocentric but he has good reasons to be so. You must re-read your fanfiction before talking about this wonder.
You even need to write about mods and administrators to get views and attention. Just Pathetic!
Did you even read an entire book on your life or a cinema script. Kenshin writes this way, the right way.
So don't be so hateful and hide yourself on your shady low quality fanfiction.

Obviously, you never read Noobs by Flaw:|


agreed

You just an Emperor/Roku fan begging in their fanfictions to have a role on them, your hate is understandable. Ridiculous.

This chapter is the best one of the series so far. Keep it up, Golden Boy.
Envy and jealousy will not bring you down.

 

[Shunsui]

Re: "Utopic Monkeys" - Chapter 9.. The Infamous Chapter that was banned by the Forums

OHHH man, Fight Club is my favourite movie ever for all the substance it has.
I will spill the beans a little, i though in a mini-arc when Sujiro goes on a mission in orders from Captain Ken to know more about a certain character that have founded a clandestine Fight Club but it's still pretty much in the air.​

go with everything you have, now when i got the picture... story looks 100d times better! , about prediction: SANTANICO PANDEMONIUM is Jesica Alba

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[John Constantine]

Haven`t read the edited version yet, but i guess it`s great as well, considering that this many peoples writes good comments and many replies.

Thanks to Caliburn for stopping a flame war. And while we`re talking about him, here`s a side note.

Happy Birthday Cali! Its 10 minutes past midnight here and already 28. April

Nice to see you back Kenshin, but you shouldn`t go around saying you`re the best all the time, even if you arexd It may actually offend some other writers

Anyway. More violence next time? He*k, i need to read the edited version. If it`s the same as the original, then that`s just mad to add more violencexd

Give a note when i have..

Yes he is egocentric but he has good reasons to be so. You must re-read your fanfiction before talking about this wonder.
You even need to write about mods and administrators to get views and attention. Just Pathetic!
Did you even read an entire book on your life or a cinema script. Kenshin writes this way, the right way.
So don't be so hateful and hide yourself on your shady low quality fanfiction.



You just an Emperor/Roku fan begging in their fanfictions to have a role on them, your hate is understandable. Ridiculous.

This chapter is the best one of the series so far. Keep it up, Golden Boy.
Envy and jealousy will not bring you down.

Have to agree with both from now on. Alot of people will try to bring me down.

Yes, next chapter will have alot of violence but less cursing so probably Lawliet will be ok with it.​

 

[John Constantine]

Re: "Utopic Monkeys" - Chapter 9.. The Infamous Chapter that was banned by the Forums

go with everything you have, now when i got the picture... story looks 100d times better! , about prediction: SANTANICO PANDEMONIUM is Jesica Alba

You must be registered for see images

NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​

 

[CheesyNaruto]

Glad to see Utopic monkeys is back and running
Of course another great chapter that's leaving me wanting more.
I'll give it a 4/5, because it's more of a build up.
I'm sure when the action starts you'll get a 5 :naruto:

 

[Lord of Kaos]

Yes he is egocentric but he has good reasons to be so. You must re-read your fanfiction before talking about this wonder.
You even need to write about mods and administrators to get views and attention. Just Pathetic!
Did you even read an entire book on your life or a cinema script. Kenshin writes this way, the right way.
So don't be so hateful and hide yourself on your shady low quality fanfiction.



You just an Emperor/Roku fan begging in their fanfictions to have a role on them, your hate is understandable. Ridiculous.

This chapter is the best one of the series so far. Keep it up, Golden Boy.
Envy and jealousy will not bring you down.

I never asked Roku to be in fanfic, or at least I don't remember me ever doing so and I have a great memory. I asked emp one time and that was under pretense as a joke. I don't ever remember saying this fanfic was bad nor did I say I hate it once. In the thread that was closed, I even said I liked the fanfic but didn't like the vulgarness of the story. If I didn't like it, would I have thanked the thrad?:|
When I qouted what Gats said, I mean to bold the part about it just being words, and description. Nothing more and I even said before that it shouldn't have been out of proportion like it was. But, I'm not trying to get an infraction for this so I'm done saying anything related to these incidents

On topic: Lmfao at how Cali is the bouncer. Someone's leaving out with an arm missing xd

 

[John Constantine]

I never asked Roku to be in fanfic, or at least I don't remember me ever doing so and I have a great memory. I asked emp one time and that was under pretense as a joke. I don't ever remember saying this fanfic was bad nor did I say I hate it once. In the thread that was closed, I even said I liked the fanfic but didn't like the vulgarness of the story. If I didn't like it, would I have thanked the thrad?:|
When I qouted what Gats said, I mean to bold the part about it just being words, and description. Nothing more and I even said before that it shouldn't have been out of proportion like it was. But, I'm not trying to get an infraction for this so I'm done saying anything related to these incidents

On topic: Lmfao at how Cali is the bouncer. Someone's leaving out with an arm missing xd

Don't mind it,some of my fans take it to far i have to admit.
I just disagree with one part this story is not vulgar at all.. The cursing might be but that's part of the enviroment of trashy future i created but the story itself is probably the most original out of all this fanfictions.
Or several people wouldn't have said that this really need an manga/anime so many times..

Some of this guys take it to far as i said and as you probably have see in what happened in the thing we can't talk about.​

 

[Ragnaroc]

Stay on topic and and stop spamming. If i have to come back because of spam and/or flame, there will be serious repercussions

 

[John Constantine]

When I qouted what Gats said, I mean to bold the part about it just being words, and description. Nothing more and I even said before that it shouldn't have been out of proportion like it was. But, I'm not trying to get an infraction for this so I'm done saying anything related to these incidents

On topic: Lmfao at how Cali is the bouncer. Someone's leaving out with an arm missing xd

Friend. Some of the chapters have to be this way to build-up something.
I had like 4 chapters of straight fighting before between Sujiro and Ch?.. Ch? ended armless. xd​

Stay on topic and and stop spamming. If i have to come back because of spam and/or flame, there will be serious repercussions

Calm down in there!! We are strictly discussing the chapter and the type of chapter it was. I was explaining this is a build up chapter. No one is doing any warm as Cali already cleaned the flamming from the other guy.​

 

[Since yesterday]

Shura - Now, is my shit together, or is my shit together?

Sujiro and Shura laugh with each other.​

Sujiro (slappin' Shura five) - Your shit is forever together!

Best buddy cover ever xd

 

[John Constantine]

Best buddy cover ever xd

You meant convo,right? xd​

 

[Michael92]

I don`t really have much to say, but i kinda promised you a jucie comment, so here you go

I`ve read through the edited version and i must say that there`s actually not any differences at all except for 1 character censor, and better gramma.

If fact, i kinda found this version more understandable.

The same story, the same fights, the same P*ssy and the same shit

So there arn`t really any problem plot wise, except for different names, but that`s okay

But there is one thing troubling me, and that is that one part in the text is repeated twice(when Cali puts his hand on Shura), and also it says Quote and Arielblue, text size 16 or somehing like that some other places.
But that was only 3 times in all, but for the look of the chapter, i suggest that you get that edited by yourself or Lawliet.

But all, in all. It`s kinda wird, because this is 95% the same as the original version except for name changes, gramma changes, and censoring of words.

So you went through all that trouble and in the end, you got pretty much the same thing

That`s good, i was hoping that it wasn`t changed plotwise, and to my relief, it wasn`t.
Also you get to keep every bad and impropriet words you had in the original with one character censored, instead of replacing it with totally new ones. That`s great too.
+ It got better gramma and easier to understand at some points. That`s also great.
The only flaws i can see, is the one mentioned above with repeating of text, but other than that, its pretty much the same thing.

So you should be really happy that Lawliet let you keep the soul of the chapter, well I`m at least

Looking forward to the next one already

And hey! It still got the same headline! And its still rated A for adults, and also not meant for those under 17, so its pretty much the same thing.

Just remember to edit what i said

There you go. Happy?xd

EDIT: Almost forgot! This is almost a Dusk till Dawn ripp-offxd That other member was right about that. It do look alot like it.

Bar, vampires wanting to eat the main guys?, Dancer Sanatiago Aka Salma Hayek coming to dance and feed

See From dusk till Dawn and you know what happend next time

 

[Shunsui]

EDIT: Almost forgot! This is almost a Dusk till Dawn ripp-offxd That other member was right about that. It do look alot like it.

Bar, vampires wanting to eat the main guys?, Dancer Sanatiago Aka Salma Hayek coming to dance and feed

See From dusk till Dawn and you know what happend next time

its not ripoff, its inspiration from all movies from favoret directors

theres actualy moar than Dusk Till Down, u can read last comments

and thats what it makes special, we have our own Quentin Tarantino on NB

 

[John Constantine]

I must edit some of the original post. It was hard because i had to send 9 parts to Lawliet and Lawliet 9 parts to me. Some joining must have screwed things over.​

 

[John Constantine]

EDIT: Almost forgot! This is almost a Dusk till Dawn ripp-offxd That other member was right about that. It do look alot like it.

Only the envirnment of the bar is based on "From Dusk Till Dawn", i mentioned that before. As Robert Rodriguez is one of my favourite directors and scricpters and i wanted to make a type of an homage.
More homages will be made.​

 

[King Dante]

As i have told before because i read the original one. This had no cause for all that incident, it's not that offensive and it's perfect writing as others agree.
This one was the best chapter so far from this Fanfiction and from this entire forum.
And the fact that Lawliet is banning my brother from the Fanfiction contest for 2 months for no reason just proves that she's affraid that he beats her buddy Roku.
But i don't wanna close this thread so sticking to the topic.
I wanna see Shura beating the hell out of all those crack-heads.
I have freedom of speech so don't edit my post lawliet because i said nothing wrong.

 

[John Constantine]

As i have told before because i read the original one. This had no cause for all that incident, it's not that offensive and it's perfect writing as others agree.
This one was the best chapter so far from this Fanfiction and from this entire forum.
And the fact that Lawliet is banning my brother from the Fanfiction contest for 2 months for no reason just proves that she's affraid that he beats her buddy Roku.
But i don't wanna close this thread so sticking to the topic.
I wanna see Shura beating the hell out of all those crack-heads.
I have freedom of speech so don't edit my post lawliet because i said nothing wrong.

Little bro. Don't start a war. I already talked with Nexus (administrator) and he is good for me to particiapte, i have been talking with another administrator ( Rei ) and she also seems supportive of me to participate, so she told me she's going to talk with Lawliet about it.
Don't jump to conclusions right away like people did last time. Hopefully after Lawliet hear Rei she'll be more reasonable and forget the grudge.
Stick to the main topic of Shura beating crack-Heads.
Are you implying that my Fanfiction has also junkies as well,now? xd​

 

[Deidara Sempai]

As i have told before because i read the original one. This had no cause for all that incident, it's not that offensive and it's perfect writing as others agree.
This one was the best chapter so far from this Fanfiction and from this entire forum.
And the fact that Lawliet is banning my brother from the Fanfiction contest for 2 months for no reason just proves that she's affraid that he beats her buddy Roku.
But i don't wanna close this thread so sticking to the topic.
I wanna see Shura beating the hell out of all those crack-heads.
I have freedom of speech so don't edit my post lawliet because i said nothing wrong.

Little bro. Don't start a war. I already talked with Nexus (administrator) and he is good for me to particiapte, i have been talking with another administrator ( Rei ) and she also seems supportive of me to participate, so she told me she's going to talk with Lawliet about it.
Don't jump to conclusions right away like people did last time. Hopefully after Lawliet hear Rei she'll be more reasonable and forget the grudge.
Stick to the main topic of Shura beating crack-Heads.
Are you implying that my Fanfiction has also junkies as well,now? xd​

See, Kenshin i would get angry instead of remaining calm. Your brother is right, she's been screwing you since day one and this is only one more example of it.
She obviously don't like you and she's prooving it. The administrators won't do nothing as usual, i support you all the way.
I hope she's not that bad of a moderator to edit my post because i'll stick on topic.

Why did you included Caliburn in the story?