Trail of Fire[ Introduction ]

Ƒālconer

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TRAIL OF FIRE

Introduction

Trail of Fire is an original fanfiction written by me. Consider it like most fan fictions on this site, chapters of the story will be released one at a time. The story is still in the process of creation so the plot moves on as I write. People who want to be notified when the new chapter will be released, just say so below and I will send you a link to the chapter to you via VM. Anyway here goes... I hope you find my FF interesting ^_^.

The Story: Its the era of Prohibition in the mid 1920s, violence and crime run the streets all across America. In New York 4 young guys with extremely low paying jobs and with an elementary school education are trying to find their big break. Jason, Greg, Bart, and Tom decide they want in the bootlegging business, they figure racketeering pays big bucks and they are really in need of money fast. The four guys go to the head honcho, aka Joseph Franco III (Handsome Joey) the Mob boss that runs all the organized crime syndicates in New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Miami and the top bootlegger. He owns the majority of stills, casinos, and brothels in America.

He also controls the majority of crime families and is responsible for the majority of murders and rackets that take place in America, if your not in with Handsome Joey your out. He controls his territory, the politicians are his puppets and he kills all of his political enemies or those who oppose him,Handsome Joey means business. The four fools decide to go to there local still in New York City where Handsome Joey happens to be visiting at that time, they approach the mob boss with the proposition that they want in his racketeering business and will be valuable assets to his business.​

Handsome Joey reluctant at first eventually decides to let them in the circle, but makes it clear to them that they will lose their heads if they sabotage his business or associate with the feds. Handsome Joey gives Jason, Gregg, Bart, and Tom access to his largest still in New York, technically the largest concentration of alcohol in almost all of America containing about $7,000 worth of illegal Alcohol which was a lot in the 20s. Business runs smooth for the first week, until an accident that plunges the 4 guys in neck deep trouble. One day while the 4 guys are in the alcohol storage room a freak accident occurs when the 4 guys are in the storage room smoking and one of them throws a cigarette in a puddle of leaked moonshine. When the cigarette made contact with the moonshine the storage room incinerates, the room containing 6 tons of alcohol was all engulfed in fire within minutes. The 4 guys not knowing what to do speed out the back door without letting anyone know of what they did. The still explodes within minutes, and with it $7,000 dollars worth of Handsome Joey's alcohol, 20 of his goons, 30 of his prostitutes, and all his money and assets. One of Handsome Joey's goons sees the 4 guys leaving the still before the explosion with alcohol in their hands. Immediately Handsome Joey knows that its them, he decrees to all of his men, New York City, and all of America that he wants Jason Comer's, Gregg Mills', Bartholomew McLean's, and Tom Tinker's heads.​

Now with a price on the their heads, they are on the run. Handsome Joeys men and anyone interested in his bounty are out to get the 4 guys. Handsome Joey has destroyed whatever is left for them in New York, their houses, there friends, their families. Now the one chance that the 4 guys have of keeping their heads is going to San Francisco where Handsome Joey's mob's power has not reached and where Bart's Uncle and who is a Federal Agent can grant them witness protection and keep Handsome Joey and his men from assassinating them. But first, the 4 guys have to escape the lions den aka New York City, Handsome Joey's territory without being murdered.​


Characters
Jason Comer: A 19 year old school drop out like most of the kids his age in New York during the 20s, his parents died and was left with his Grandparents and younger sister. Jason is usually the guy with the big ideas that usually end up getting in trouble.

Jessica Comer: Though not mentioned in the synopsis, Jessica is a leading character in the story. She is the exact same thing as her brother except only female. She though is smarter and brighter than him though, she is witty and now because of the idiot idea of her brother she is also a target of Handsome Joey's campaign to eradicate the 4 guys. So now she must go to San Francisco with them.

Gregg Mills: Originally from Siskiyou County, California where he was a farmer with his father and where he grew up. Gregg moved to New York after an angry mob killed his father and the government took control of his farms and froze all of Gregg's assets. He went in search of a new way of life in New York where he wished to work in America's growing automobile industry. The job payed little but he got enough to keep a steady apartment though he misses the cool air of the Northern California mountains. He met the other 3 guys onetime outside of his mechanic shop and they became best friends.

Bartholomew "Bart" McLean: Originally from Massachusetts the son of Irish immigrants who'd left Ireland because of the potato famine. He moved to New York as a teen to find better job opportunities in the industry. He like Gregg and others at that time found steady jobs in the industry. Bart met Jason one time when they where both 17, some bullies where beating up Jason and Bart went in to save the day and they have been friends ever since.

Thomas J. Tinker: Originally from Maryland, Tom was born into a wealthy family. His father was a politician and worked for the Government. Tom on the other hand did not meet his fathers expectations and took up a prodigal life. He spent most of his time even as a young boy before the days of Prohibition when alcohol was still legal drinking whiskey in taverns. He would be sent to detention camps multiple times. His father finally sent him to a reformatory school, but Tom broke out and moved to New York where he currently works at a small diner as a waiter. Then Bart and Jason went to his diner once and they became the 3 best friends until Gregg would join them.

Agent William "Billy" Sullivan: Bart's half maternal almost barley uncle who he almost never talks to. When Bart's Grandparents came to America they divorced and Bart's Grandmother remarried with another man and they had a child i.e William Sullivan the half brother of Bart's mother. His friends called him Willy which he detested so he established his name as "Billy" instead. He grew up in Massachusetts with his mother,father, and half sister. After Bart was born and as he grew up him and Bart didn't get along very well and usually didn't like each other. When William turned 19 he packed his bags and went to live in Los Angeles and got a job as an LAPD officer, he later ranked up and became a Lieutenant and then moved to San Francisco and became a FBI Agent.

Joseph (Handsome Joey) Franco III: An Italian American who was born in Brooklyn, son of one of the God fathers of the Sicilian Mafia he grew up knowing his fathers trade. As a child he was arrested many times and dropped out of the Catholic school his father placed him in. He then formed his own crime family and has grown ever since. When his crime syndicate grew large enough he went to war with the Sicilian Mafia and he personally killed his own father and took his spot and became the leader of the American/Sicilian Mafia. His power grew and flourished throughout America and now he is the top mob boss.


Created By: Me!

Chapter one will be released soon, let me know below if you want to be notified...

Thanks For Reading!!
 
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-Hatake-

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Sannin. Try to use more paragraphs, makes it just a bit easier to read. I'll make sure to read it all later and give you some feedback. :)
 

Valen

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Skimmed trough the text, looks decent

Especially the location, always interestinG

You are going to enter the contest?

I now hand you Le Pencile

EDIT: Try to increase your skill in paragraphing and punctuation

And the text doesn't need to be big, just pick a readable font
 
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Ƒālconer

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Skimmed trough the text, looks decent

Especially the location, always interestinG

You are going to enter the contest?

I now hand you Le Pencile

EDIT: Try to increase your skill in paragraphing and punctuation

And the text doesn't need to be big, just pick a readable font
Sannin. Try to use more paragraphs, makes it just a bit easier to read. I'll make sure to read it all later and give you some feedback. :)
yeah I knew that would be an issue, I need to edit that.

thanks for the advice...

@Valen I'm thinking about it...I don't really know the requirements

I would also like to add this is nothing like the FF is going to be like. This format was only for the intro the FF is going to placed in the normal screen play sort of format

EDIT: Damn I forgot to add Handsome Joey's character bio... I added it now..
 
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Skylar Knight

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I'm not really into the "Mafia and Cop" stories, but it seems like a decent plot. It looks like you're not done with the whole story either, and I recommend you should think about that before posting any chapters. Give the bone some muscles and meat before serving it to people.

The characters seem okay as well, and you've thought about a lot when it comes to current situation to their pasts. Though you haven't really represented any "original" characters, all I've read is the normal characters that has been used in stories time and time again. Maybe you have something that you haven't mentioned in the thread though, I don't know.

The plot itself isn't really original, but it has a lot of potential to make it one. Try to write new events that you haven't seen in movies or series, that would make the readers a lot more interested. Writers here on NB tend to write about stuff they've seen on tv an such, something I find kind of boring.

So basically a decent plot with decent characters. Both points have a lot of potential, so don't forget to write about something special or new, or both. I would gladly read the first chapter, so don't forget to tell me when you post it ^_^
 
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I like it, dude. One thing I have gotta problem with though....."Handsome Joey" is such a non-intimidating name. Lol. Kidding. It's no big deal.
I'd suggest you have one or more of em reminencse on looking out the sight of their destroyed homes and murdered families.
It'll be kinda unrealistic if they don't bring it up at all. That had to be a huge, relevant turning point in their lives.
Also, add some dialogue.
Despite my advice, it's your story, so do as you please. It's great how it is, but like all things, it could be better.
 

Ƒālconer

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I like it, dude. One thing I have gotta problem with though....."Handsome Joey" is such a non-intimidating name. Lol. Kidding. It's no big deal.
I'd suggest you have one or more of em reminencse on looking out the sight of their destroyed homes and murdered families.
It'll be kinda unrealistic if they don't bring it up at all. That had to be a huge, relevant turning point in their lives.
Also, add some dialogue.
Despite my advice, it's your story, so do as you please. It's great how it is, but like all things, it could be better.
Thanks man, but I would like to point out this is just the summary of the Part 1, the chapters are going to be much different, more detail, and are going to be in script format.... so yeah . Thanks for the advice :D
 

Sasuke Uchiha Susanoo

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Send me a PM with every chapter, i like it, except the a and an i told u in chapter 1 and some grammar mistakes :) everything is fine i like the locations and especially how you make it go with the looks
 
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