Yusuke Urameshi
Active member
You see this stuff everywhere in everything. lol
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This is so true.
- Thread starter Yusuke Urameshi
- Start date
Itachi of the Uchiha clan
Banned
Umari Senju
Active member
For those of you who are afraid to click on the link:
Link1:
Link 2:
OT: sounds about right.
Link1:
If I become an anime character...
if i ever become an anime villain...I will take the Evil Overlord List as my bible.
I will not fall in love with the hero's romantic interest. I have no chance with him or her, and all of the interesting characters are already on my side.
If my enemy's partner is the cutest, most ineffectual kawaiiko in the cast, I will not underestimate her. She may be squealy, and she may be annoying, but she is probably the most powerful source of magical energy on the show.
I will not kill my underlings, no matter how ineffectual or used-up they are. It's terribly embarrassing to have the winning hand and lose because of sheer lack of numbers.
If my underlings repeatedly desert me for the hero's side, I will look into the merits of what he or she is doing. If it doesn't suit my plans to join the forces of good, I will at least institute a program to stop employee defections. Perhaps something involving cheery slogans and coffee-room posters.
If my enemy is a magical girl, I will not stand in awe as she goes airborne, drops all of her clothes, and starts spinning in preparation to transform. I will wait until her regular clothes are gone, then yank her down and start fighting. If her shock at my breaking the Law of Uninterruptable Metamorphosis doesn't paralyze her, the fact that she's in her birthday suit will.
If my enemy must shout the names of his attacks to get the full effect, I will invest in a simple first-level AD&D spell known as the "Sphere of Silence."
It hardly bears mentioning that my own attacks won't have a verbal component.
And if the author insists upon my shouting attack names, I will not choose eight-kanji confections with fourteen syllables and no identifiable meaning. I will have attacks with names like "HA!"
...Although I might make an exception for an attack called "Neener-neener-neener."*
I will remember: The plot is not on my side. There's no way that I can win, so I might as well have fun.
Whips are fun.
Chains are fun.
But they should be used sparingly unless I want to appear in yaoi fics for the rest of my born days.
If I am facing an unbeatable mecha, I will not aim for it to the exclusion of all other targets or risk my underlings to get the specs. I will take out the techie team which maintains it. And then I will aim for it to the exclusion of all other targets.
If I am a second-string villain, I will fall in love with the hero(ine) as soon as possible. This will save me time and trouble in the long run.
If I am a second-string villain, I will join the good guys at the first chance and help them kill my boss. Then, while they celebrate, I will kill them all and take over my boss's position.
The most plain/young/ditzy/wussy hero(ine) dies first. There's nothing I hate more than having some punkling start displaying awesome power after I've beaten everyone else.
if i ever become an anime villain...I will take the Evil Overlord List as my bible.
I will not fall in love with the hero's romantic interest. I have no chance with him or her, and all of the interesting characters are already on my side.
If my enemy's partner is the cutest, most ineffectual kawaiiko in the cast, I will not underestimate her. She may be squealy, and she may be annoying, but she is probably the most powerful source of magical energy on the show.
I will not kill my underlings, no matter how ineffectual or used-up they are. It's terribly embarrassing to have the winning hand and lose because of sheer lack of numbers.
If my underlings repeatedly desert me for the hero's side, I will look into the merits of what he or she is doing. If it doesn't suit my plans to join the forces of good, I will at least institute a program to stop employee defections. Perhaps something involving cheery slogans and coffee-room posters.
If my enemy is a magical girl, I will not stand in awe as she goes airborne, drops all of her clothes, and starts spinning in preparation to transform. I will wait until her regular clothes are gone, then yank her down and start fighting. If her shock at my breaking the Law of Uninterruptable Metamorphosis doesn't paralyze her, the fact that she's in her birthday suit will.
If my enemy must shout the names of his attacks to get the full effect, I will invest in a simple first-level AD&D spell known as the "Sphere of Silence."
It hardly bears mentioning that my own attacks won't have a verbal component.
And if the author insists upon my shouting attack names, I will not choose eight-kanji confections with fourteen syllables and no identifiable meaning. I will have attacks with names like "HA!"
...Although I might make an exception for an attack called "Neener-neener-neener."*
I will remember: The plot is not on my side. There's no way that I can win, so I might as well have fun.
Whips are fun.
Chains are fun.
But they should be used sparingly unless I want to appear in yaoi fics for the rest of my born days.
If I am facing an unbeatable mecha, I will not aim for it to the exclusion of all other targets or risk my underlings to get the specs. I will take out the techie team which maintains it. And then I will aim for it to the exclusion of all other targets.
If I am a second-string villain, I will fall in love with the hero(ine) as soon as possible. This will save me time and trouble in the long run.
If I am a second-string villain, I will join the good guys at the first chance and help them kill my boss. Then, while they celebrate, I will kill them all and take over my boss's position.
The most plain/young/ditzy/wussy hero(ine) dies first. There's nothing I hate more than having some punkling start displaying awesome power after I've beaten everyone else.
Link 2:
Mook Chivalry
The life of the mook is a humble one, in which the poor cannon-fodder must look like everyone else, act like everyone else, and get their butt kicked by the hero like everyone else.
But becoming a mook is much harder than it looks. On TV (and in video games), humility is only the first step in a fighting code of mooks's honor, as complex and rigid as that of the medieval knight or the samurai. This is why most mooks fare about as well as a bunch of knights or samurai would when faced with a modern army. The principles of the code are:
Ganging up is unsporting and dishonorable. Mooks must always attack the hero one at a time; to gang up would be to destroy the principle of war.
Interrupting someone - even an enemy - is bad manners. If an enemy obviously needs a few moments to prepare before he can fight back, give it to him. If he starts talking to you while you are charging at him, you are supposed to stop and listen. If he exploits this to lay a punch on or drive a weapon through one of you and it's not you, you need to wait until he finishes with your comrade before you can launch a desperate attack at him. And you must always leave time for transformations.
A Mighty Man Fights Alone. Even if some common mooks disobey the rule above and attack in twos or threes occasionally, any Giant Mook present must always attack the hero one-on-one, preferably after all lesser mooks are down so that the Giant Mook can't call on them for help. A really big Giant Mook (e.g. the Cave Troll from Lord of the Rings) may attack a whole group of heroes alone, he's just that tough! And if The Dragon or the Big Bad joins the fight, any remaining mooks must simply stand by and watch. Forming a circle around the fight is encouraged. note
Taking cover is for cowards. A true mook must charge straight forward; victory is meaningless if it is achieved by surprise. It is acceptable to attack the hero from different directions at once, as long as each attacker reaches the hero at a different moment (thus being neither surprised nor ganging up).
Masters may overcome any terrain. As a corollary to the previous two principles, tactics must be the same in all places and times, no matter what the terrain is. A mass rush works just as well in the open field as it does in a cramped cave where only one warrior at a time can physically get to the hero (Not that any true mook would ever get involved in a mass rush, see above).
The true warrior cares not what his enemies know. Minions must shout commands to each other where the hero can hear them, or communicate by radio when the hero can intercept. Who cares if the enemy knows all your plans? A true plan succeeds whether the enemy knows it or not.
Let the enemy know who is going to face him. Like the knights and samurai, mooks must shout out a formal challenge when the battle begins. Each group of cannon fodder has their own challenge - it might be shouting out their names, or baring claws and roaring, or just saying "you will die!" True, the pause does let the hero sucker-punch them. But victory is hollow if the defeated foe does not know who beat them...if the foe is ever defeated, which will surely happen someday. As a result, they may sneak With Catlike Tread, but the attack is nowhere near sneaky.
Attack as rarely as possible. A truly great warrior doesn't need to attack all-out. Try to do other things, like roaring, taunting the hero, jumping about, or just sitting back and watching the battle. When you do attack, make sure it is as slow and choreographed as possible.
Retreats are a sign of defeatism. Finally, preparing for a retreat is disgraceful. It does not matter how many of you the hero has beaten — keep rushing. If fifteen out of sixteen orcs are down, the sixteenth orc must charge exactly like the first fifteen. Unfortunately, this principle is not as adhered to as the others - many mooks have decided to retreat, especially if they are the last mook standing after a grand battle (bonus points if the hero looks him in the eye to make him run). Fortunately, they are never defeatist enough to prepare for a retreat, so they always wind up making suicide charges or panicked routs.
Strangely enough, an army of ninja — despite being dishonorable sneaks — will follow Mook Chivalry as if they were samurai. Due to Conservation of Ninjutsu, a small group of ninja will behave dishonorably, and actually attack from cover, retreat, and so on, but large ninja forces will be made up of Highly-Visible Ninja.
See also No Sneak Attacks. If it suddenly comes into play with a pack of enemies who previously were winning because they attacked together, see also Lowered Monster Difficulty. Contrast Zerg Rush.
The life of the mook is a humble one, in which the poor cannon-fodder must look like everyone else, act like everyone else, and get their butt kicked by the hero like everyone else.
But becoming a mook is much harder than it looks. On TV (and in video games), humility is only the first step in a fighting code of mooks's honor, as complex and rigid as that of the medieval knight or the samurai. This is why most mooks fare about as well as a bunch of knights or samurai would when faced with a modern army. The principles of the code are:
Ganging up is unsporting and dishonorable. Mooks must always attack the hero one at a time; to gang up would be to destroy the principle of war.
Interrupting someone - even an enemy - is bad manners. If an enemy obviously needs a few moments to prepare before he can fight back, give it to him. If he starts talking to you while you are charging at him, you are supposed to stop and listen. If he exploits this to lay a punch on or drive a weapon through one of you and it's not you, you need to wait until he finishes with your comrade before you can launch a desperate attack at him. And you must always leave time for transformations.
A Mighty Man Fights Alone. Even if some common mooks disobey the rule above and attack in twos or threes occasionally, any Giant Mook present must always attack the hero one-on-one, preferably after all lesser mooks are down so that the Giant Mook can't call on them for help. A really big Giant Mook (e.g. the Cave Troll from Lord of the Rings) may attack a whole group of heroes alone, he's just that tough! And if The Dragon or the Big Bad joins the fight, any remaining mooks must simply stand by and watch. Forming a circle around the fight is encouraged. note
Taking cover is for cowards. A true mook must charge straight forward; victory is meaningless if it is achieved by surprise. It is acceptable to attack the hero from different directions at once, as long as each attacker reaches the hero at a different moment (thus being neither surprised nor ganging up).
Masters may overcome any terrain. As a corollary to the previous two principles, tactics must be the same in all places and times, no matter what the terrain is. A mass rush works just as well in the open field as it does in a cramped cave where only one warrior at a time can physically get to the hero (Not that any true mook would ever get involved in a mass rush, see above).
The true warrior cares not what his enemies know. Minions must shout commands to each other where the hero can hear them, or communicate by radio when the hero can intercept. Who cares if the enemy knows all your plans? A true plan succeeds whether the enemy knows it or not.
Let the enemy know who is going to face him. Like the knights and samurai, mooks must shout out a formal challenge when the battle begins. Each group of cannon fodder has their own challenge - it might be shouting out their names, or baring claws and roaring, or just saying "you will die!" True, the pause does let the hero sucker-punch them. But victory is hollow if the defeated foe does not know who beat them...if the foe is ever defeated, which will surely happen someday. As a result, they may sneak With Catlike Tread, but the attack is nowhere near sneaky.
Attack as rarely as possible. A truly great warrior doesn't need to attack all-out. Try to do other things, like roaring, taunting the hero, jumping about, or just sitting back and watching the battle. When you do attack, make sure it is as slow and choreographed as possible.
Retreats are a sign of defeatism. Finally, preparing for a retreat is disgraceful. It does not matter how many of you the hero has beaten — keep rushing. If fifteen out of sixteen orcs are down, the sixteenth orc must charge exactly like the first fifteen. Unfortunately, this principle is not as adhered to as the others - many mooks have decided to retreat, especially if they are the last mook standing after a grand battle (bonus points if the hero looks him in the eye to make him run). Fortunately, they are never defeatist enough to prepare for a retreat, so they always wind up making suicide charges or panicked routs.
Strangely enough, an army of ninja — despite being dishonorable sneaks — will follow Mook Chivalry as if they were samurai. Due to Conservation of Ninjutsu, a small group of ninja will behave dishonorably, and actually attack from cover, retreat, and so on, but large ninja forces will be made up of Highly-Visible Ninja.
See also No Sneak Attacks. If it suddenly comes into play with a pack of enemies who previously were winning because they attacked together, see also Lowered Monster Difficulty. Contrast Zerg Rush.
OT: sounds about right.
Itachi of the Uchiha clan
Banned
Yusuke Urameshi
Active member
You're so cool. I wish I could read like you, and then be too lazy to actually read. What your life must be like.
Umari Senju
Active member
I did. This is my favorite paragraph out of both of them XD
If my enemy is a magical girl, I will not stand in awe as she goes airborne, drops all of her clothes, and starts spinning in preparation to transform. I will wait until her regular clothes are gone, then yank her down and start fighting. If her shock at my breaking the Law of Uninterruptable Metamorphosis doesn't paralyze her, the fact that she's in her birthday suit will.