flyingpanda
Member
So this is my first fanfiction, tell me what you think (constructive critisism is appreciated).
Sasuke turned to look at her.
Sasuke: Heh...You really are annoying.
Sakura stood there in shock, crying.
Sakura:I'll do anything for you! If you stay, I'll make everyday fun!
Sasuke:I have a goal that I want to achieve, you'll only get in the way!
Sakura continued to cry as she could not bare to see the one she loved leave the village. She heard the sound of someone behind her as Sasuke appeared.
Sasuke: Thank you...
Sakura was shocked and didn't know what to do. As Sasuke lifted his hand to knock her unconcious, he couldn't bring himself to do it. So Sakura stood there, awaiting the worst, when nothing happened. She turned around to see Sasuke standing there with his hand slightly raised, looking at the ground. Sakura took his hand, before he pulled it away and looked angrily at her.
Sasuke: You can't help me! This is a path I must take alone!
Sakura could see that he meant it, but there was a slightly pained look in his eyes.
Sakura: You don't have to do this alone, I'm here to help you.
Sasuke: You don't understand anything! I must gain power to get my revenge, you can't help me with that! You don't know anything about real pain. You've always had a family and friends.
Sakura: But none of them would matter because you're the only one I care about.
Sasuke: I'm leaving, nothing you can say is going to stop me.
Sakura: Then take me with you! If I can't stop you, take me with you. I couldn't stand being here without you.
Sasuke stood there, looking down into Sakura's eyes, when he realized that she really meant it.
Sasuke:You know that would mean betraying the village? Would you do that for me?
Sakura thought about it for a minute.
Sakura: I would do anything just to be with you.
*Slightly later*
??: So I see you made up your mind... Who's the girl?
He motioned with his head towards the girl standing behind Sasuke.
Sasuke:She doesn't matter to you, let's go.
End of chapter.
I know it's kind of short, but it was the only good spot I could end the chapter without it being too long. Tell me what you guys think. (I've already written much farther ahead, just waiting for some feedback
)
Chapter 2:
The Unspoken Path
Chapter 1
Chapter 1
*That part in the story when Sasuke's leaving*
Sakura: I really love you!Sasuke turned to look at her.
Sasuke: Heh...You really are annoying.
Sakura stood there in shock, crying.
Sakura:I'll do anything for you! If you stay, I'll make everyday fun!
Sasuke:I have a goal that I want to achieve, you'll only get in the way!
Sakura continued to cry as she could not bare to see the one she loved leave the village. She heard the sound of someone behind her as Sasuke appeared.
Sasuke: Thank you...
Sakura was shocked and didn't know what to do. As Sasuke lifted his hand to knock her unconcious, he couldn't bring himself to do it. So Sakura stood there, awaiting the worst, when nothing happened. She turned around to see Sasuke standing there with his hand slightly raised, looking at the ground. Sakura took his hand, before he pulled it away and looked angrily at her.
Sasuke: You can't help me! This is a path I must take alone!
Sakura could see that he meant it, but there was a slightly pained look in his eyes.
Sakura: You don't have to do this alone, I'm here to help you.
Sasuke: You don't understand anything! I must gain power to get my revenge, you can't help me with that! You don't know anything about real pain. You've always had a family and friends.
Sakura: But none of them would matter because you're the only one I care about.
Sasuke: I'm leaving, nothing you can say is going to stop me.
Sakura: Then take me with you! If I can't stop you, take me with you. I couldn't stand being here without you.
Sasuke stood there, looking down into Sakura's eyes, when he realized that she really meant it.
Sasuke:You know that would mean betraying the village? Would you do that for me?
Sakura thought about it for a minute.
Sakura: I would do anything just to be with you.
*Slightly later*
??: So I see you made up your mind... Who's the girl?
He motioned with his head towards the girl standing behind Sasuke.
Sasuke:She doesn't matter to you, let's go.
End of chapter.
I know it's kind of short, but it was the only good spot I could end the chapter without it being too long. Tell me what you guys think. (I've already written much farther ahead, just waiting for some feedback
)Chapter 2:
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