The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns 2 [17]

Michael92

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Re: The Legendary Sage of Konoha Returns, Chapter 2

Liked that you recreated a scene long forgotten in the Naruto series, the golden moment where Kakashi totally ignores Gai's emotive and concise speeches.

I'm quite enjoying all these Kage Meetings and the exchange of words rather than fists but I'm sure I won't get to enjoy that anymore with the following chapters.xd
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about putting that into my FF, but never saw it fitting due to the time laps between the manga and my original FF (characters do change with age after all), but this time I found it fitting :p

Haha, so I'm not the only one who enjoys a story chapter once in awhile I see :p Well there's actually a lot of battle to come indeed ;)
 

Michael92

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Retrospective Afterthoughts, Part 23:

Oh boy... Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, the notorious chapter 2 of Returns...
To be honest I thought that scene with Jiraiya and Miyuki took place way later in the story but guess we have to get it out of the way right now, lol. The opening with Minato in it seemed to drag on a bit and then suddenly, BAM, we get a s'ex scene throw in our face, lol. Reading it now makes me embarrassed xD I can't stop myself from taking small breaks from reading on, as I know how much this scene was a subject at the time, lmao. I even made a thread asking where the limit for sexual stuff went on NB just to make sure I didn't cross it xD. Good times... This is almost like opening a time capsule that I wanted to avoid opening, hahaha, Jesus Christ xD

-... Thank god I didn't take it further :lol1-onion-head-emoticon: Though if my memory serves me correctly, and I know it does, this is not the last time I did such a scene, and this one is pretty mild compared to stuff that is coming up later xD

- The Sekaitekikage stuff I had almost forgotten about. It's an interesting concept for sure but I don't know how it would actually work. I think I had it detailed more later on, we shall see...

Naruto's Hokage ceremony... Not exactly how the manga did it but I still think this was alright for the time I wrote it. Though if the Jiraiya X Miyuki scene was well written/narrated, I totally threw the narration out the window for that scene, at least at first, lol. It's easy to understand where it's taking place in the past because of the narration a bit later on though, but still a bit more narration here early on would have made it more fluent. Good scene I would say, and I guess my prediction of Sai and Ino was spot on too.

The rest of the chapter is a roller-coaster of every small scene imaginable to fill out all the Kage-meetings mentioned in earlier chapters as well as what would have been part of the scrapped Konohamaru Chronicles, and this is probably the chapter's weak point where it feels the most disjointed. I can more or less understand where each scene takes place, but it's hard to pay attention to it if you don't actually take your time to place it from the few narration hints about them. Especially the Great Toad Sage prophecy, god damn I really had to rattle my mind to think about what it's all about, I got more question than answers now to be honest, but I suppose that was the point from a 'reader's' perspective back then, as obviously I had all the answers at the time. All I can wonder now from it is if Sasuke dies, lol. Though, I already know the answer to that so what on earth is happening xD

"Naruto: This was an idea I had in mind even before this prophecy and I already talked to Sai about it. But in the end, he politely declined the job, so I was hoping you would take the job, Konohamaru?" Damn, I know I wanted Konohamaru to have some exposure in my story of a higher position, but having Sai turn this down, whom basically got this same position in the manga is a bit funny to think about xD

The first 'Fun Fact ' appears. I distinctively recall writing a lot of these over the years but I honestly thought I started out sooner than this one. I suppose there's going to be a lot of Fun Facts moving forward then, as I kept adding more and more each chapter from here on and out I think.

Overall it's an interesting chapter for sure, though I must say where chapter 1 nailed the execution of the scenes' order, or at least the narration around them to make it flow better, this one felt a bit more crammed together, probably because chapter 1 had fewer but lengthier and better scenes whereas this one had a lot of short ones. A lot of the scenes by themselves are interesting, but maybe I felt at the time since I had to cancel two chronicles, that I had to cram it all in the 3 first chapters so I could actually continue with the story that left off in chapter 15 as soon as possible. Most of the scenes makes sense on their own but since so many are together like this the flow of the chapter feels a bit rough and some of them unnecessary, hmmm....

"The main reason why Chapter 1 and 2 became this long is because most of the "present time" focus (which takes place 20 years after chapter 15 of the original), really comes from the abandoned Jiraiya Chronicles that I scrapped, while the whole Great Toad Sage Prophecy and Naruto training Konohamaru scenes, from the past in this chapter, was my original ideas for a possible Konohamaru Chronicles. So if they had been made, we would be talking about material for 6 chapters, which basically is trimmed down and crammed into two now."

^ Well past Michael, guess you explained it quite well here :lok:

I'll cut it shot there by saying it was a decent one, but nothing special.

7/10
 
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