The Legendary Ninth Hokage

rukiya

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Thirteen years ago when the war in the shinobi world was ended. Their was a little girl named Sachiya. She's the only daughter of the 7th Hokage. She grew into a very beautiful and smart person. Sachiya has an older brother named Shichiro. Shichiro too was attractive and smart like his sister. They both grew in a happy family. :D

Sachiya was at the age of 16 when she was ranked as a specialized chuunin, and she's the top student in the class when he was still a genin. She studied medical ninjutsu and also one of the students of Anbu Black Ops. While Shichiro, when he reached 18, he was ranked as top Jounin Leader and a Leader of new team 8. He was also a top student of the Anbu Black Ops. :p

Two years passed, it was Shichiro's 20th birthday. Everyone in the village were celebrating. They were all unaware that the village were planing to attack the Konohagakure. At the Namikaze residence, all were celebrating... And at that time, Shichiro was announced as the 8th Hokage. :D

Four months later, it was Sachiya's 18th Birthday. The whole village were celebrating when the enemies attacked unexpectedly. Many people died... Meanwhile, at the Namikaze residence, all were unaware that the village was already attacked. When suddenly, Shichiro's fiancee, Hatsumi, was killed by an enemie at the center of the celebration. Some people panicked and ran away while others were in the fight. :(

The none-ninjas: Ayame (Sachiya's cousin), Haruka (Suichi's sister) and Suzuno (one of Sachiya's friends) was attacked by the enemies in the garden. Then Megumi (Ayame's sister) and Uriu (Ayame's fiancee) came to rescue them. Ayame ran to Uriu when she saw poisoned shuriken heading to Uriu. Megumi and Uriu was shocked when they saw Ayame full of blood in the chest. When Suzuno and Haruka saw the incident, they ran away but an enemie shoot Suzuno's left leg with shuriken. Haruka stoped to help Suzuno but another enemie took her.

Not Knowing, Sachiya, Suichi, Yuji, Uzume, and Itsuke were in the fight. Sachiya saw an enemie targeting Suichi. She then ran to rescue Suichi but the poisoned arrow saw heading to her and Shichiro saw it. Sachiya was shocked when she saw her brother blooded. "It's better for me to die, I dont want to live without Hatsumi. But Sachiya, always remember that I love you so much. Sayonara ...", Shichiro said before tooking his last breath. Sachiya cried aloud hugging her dead brother. She even try to use her medical ninjutsu skills to save Shichiro's life but its too late. :(

Sachiya lost her beloved brother in a blink of an eye. :(

After the night, the whole village were full of mourning... Many innocent people died. They're all massacred in one night. Then again, the war started. :flaw:

Sachiya created an organization which she called "Konohagakure Organization". It was created to protect the whole village and end the war. :rolleyes:

Two months after the incident, Sachiya became the 9th Hokage. She was the youngest among all the kage in the shinobi world. :p

Suichi wants to save his sister Haruka who was been captured by the enemies that's why he joins the organization. Uriu and Megumi also joins the \organization to find the justice for Ayame. Megumi hates Uriu because of the incident. She finds Uriu as the reason Ayame died. But will that hatred will turn into love? Tune in ! :D



________________________________________________________________

(sitting on my desk while reading a book)

-- Heya ! I might start continuing the story next week...
:p Well.. Hope so... (I'm too busy T.T)
 
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Wesobi

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Well, I've read it. I might want to add a few point of criticism if that's okay.

I like the general idea of what I've read so far. You could make a very nice FF out of this. I would, however, take the pace down a notch. Explain things more. Like for example, the attack happens and all of a sudden, two month later, there's a new Sachiya is the new Hokage. That's just too fast imo.

A second thing I would say is; Don't use the smileys. They downgrade the professional value of a story. Sure you can use them now and then, but not as much as you do, compared to the length of your story.


So to sum it up: Take your time to write things out, don't be afraid to go into detail or express emotions and thoughts, and I think you'll have a good FF running in no time.

P.S. make the chapter a bit longer ^.^.
 

rukiya

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well thank you for the advice wesobi-kun !
i highly appreciated .. ^^
its my first time in writing a story ..
well .. i'm not so good .. T.T
but the next time i write a story, i will remember your advice !!
ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU !! ^^
 

rukiya

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heya guys !!
if you're reading my story right now, i would like to apologize about ..
uhmmm.. the story ??
its just like its my first time writing a story ..

but i would like to thank wesobi-kun for gaving me an advice .. ^^
 

Wesobi

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well thank you for the advice wesobi-kun !
i highly appreciated .. ^^
its my first time in writing a story ..
well .. i'm not so good .. T.T
but the next time i write a story, i will remember your advice !!
ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU !! ^^
No problem at all, we've all been there and had to get advice from someone here and there. Even now I still take advice from fellow FF writers, so it's really something you must work on constantly! :)
 

rukiya

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No problem at all, we've all been there and had to get advice from someone here and there. Even now I still take advice from fellow FF writers, so it's really something you must work on constantly! :)
ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU !!! :hug:
i really really appreciated it !!! :D
 
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