How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f*cks her.
* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f*cks the princess.
* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f*cks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL
The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, f*cks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f*cks the princess and kills her. Then he f*cks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he f*cks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f*cks it for the last time.
* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
*GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
*INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
*CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having *** before marriage."
*TECH METAL
The protagonist plays a whole tone riffswitching between 11/16 and 23/16 with his left hand,while he taps a descending chromatic pattern with hisright hand. The dragon suffers a massive brain aneurysm and dies, and the princess runs off to music school so she can understand what the protagonist was playing.
*GOTHIC METAL
Protagonist arrives through the windowat fullmoon, drinks the princess blood, return next fullmoon to do the same thing, and the next, and finally they can fly away together to live in eternal love
I found it extremely funny and wanted to share it xd. Hope you like it , too.
