The Cryptic Locket

Dratasy

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This is just a short narrative essay that I had to write for an assignment in University, figured I would post it here to see what you all thought about it. I used to read FanFiction on this site a lot, mostly from my good friend Michael (Creator of "The Legendary Sage Of Konoha") but University takes up the majority of my time, sadly. Remember, this story would be so much longer if not for the fact that it was meant to be a short essay. Also I couldn't figure out how to make this post have indented paragraph markings, sorry.

This is posted for you to read and enjoy, not so much for you to be proofreaders, but feel free to post any errors you see if you do spot them. This is my very first post in FanFiction so be kind but also be critics too. :)


________________________________


Vergil Calhoun

Professor Boyle

30 January 2013​

The Cryptic Locket​

It’s hopeless, they’ll never stop until I’m dead, even if they have this wretched locket, thought Aerith Why me? Why did something that used to keep me safe, now allow such harm to come my way... wait, it couldn’t be could it? That girl with the unusual eyes, it was- before she could finish piecing it together she blacked out. Aerith awoke in a place full of strangers who she could hear conversing in the room next to her. She tried to move but her body wouldn’t listen. She was suffering from the side effects of a drug that slowly attacks the heart through the bloodstream, it would seem her end was soon to follow.

“Well, look who we finally caught. I see that you have yet to find a way to remove the Harmonic Balancer.” Aerith heard from behind her. It couldn’t be, she thought, as he continued to speak, “I’m sure you’re surprised to hear a familiar voice in such an unfamiliar area. You went on foolishly believing someone honestly cared about you and that’s why you’re in this situation. No one could ever care about you, not even your own mother. Why do you think she gave you a locket with promises of happiness that have only turned into pain? You’ll soon be free from this world of agony once we remove that locket.” Aeriths eyes began to tear up as she reminisced of a time where everything was perfect. “How could you deceive me! I trusted you!” she shouted, “This can’t be real. I must be dreaming. There’s no way this is reality.” Aerith went on to yell as she was drowned out by laughter. “Why... why did I have to be the one to have this locket?” hopelessly whispered Aerith as memories rushed through her head.

“Iris! Take her and flee, I’ve placed a special locket around her neck and put a binding spell on it” said Aeriths mother with tears in her eyes. “This is where we say goodbye. I’m sorry Iris, and I’m sorry Aerith… you’ll understand one day.” The doors collapsed as hooded men rushed in and attacked Aeriths mom, when suddenly a bright light blinded her eyes. “You’re going to be late! Wake up Aerith!” yelled Iris. Immediately Aerith woke from her strange yet very vivid dream and jumped from her bed in a panic. Crap! I’m so dead, I can’t believe I fell asleep while doing my homework last night and now I don’t even have time to shower or do my hair! She thought while very quickly finding clean clothes and instantly jolting down the stairs. “Thanks for waking me up Aunt Iris. I only had time to change clothes. I’m off to school now!” said Aerith while headed for the door. “Okay, have a great day. Oh and say hello to Ryujin for me.” Iris shouted back but Aerith had already left.

The day was starting out different than normal. Usually Aerith’s days go perfectly, yet she couldn’t shake this feeling that her dream gave her. Why were we all in danger, and who were those men? Such a weird dream, maybe it subconsciously has some relevance to the fire at our old house that Aunt Iris saved me from, I wish I could remember it but all Iris tells me is that mom didn’t make it out in time, but that- “Aerith! Man you look like a mess this morning!” abruptly interrupting her thoughts as she was making her way to school. “Very nice to see you too, Ryu.” she replied as sarcastic as possible. “So today is your last day as a freshman in University. I doubt you’ll enjoy being a sophomore any better, I sure know I haven’t.” They went on to talk as they approached the school and went their separate ways to class.

As the day continued, Aerith started to get a sickening feeling in her stomach. The dream wouldn’t leave her head. She kept thinking about why she dreamed of her mother, who she knows almost nothing about, not to mention everything kept going wrong in every single class. She thought, Maybe things will be better tonight at the party Ryu invited me to. Hopefully I can finally tell him how I truly feel about him. Maybe then things will start to be perfect again. The teacher begins to dismiss class. “Okay students, remember to enjoy your summer, and stay safe!” Everyone started packing up and heading out the door. “Hey! you heard about the party tonight right?”, asked a student, “Yeah man, it’s going to be the best Friday ever!”, shouted multiple people as they all left. I made my way to meet Ryu so we could walk home together.

“So how was your last class?” asked Ryujin as we were walking home from school down our typical alley that we use for shortcuts. “I know mine wasn’t that great, all I could think about was tonight with you.” Tonight? Have I made it too obvious I plan to ask him out or is he excited about the party? I sure hope I’m not that easy to read, thought Aerith. “Oh, so do you-” she went on to ask but realized Ryu was nowhere to be seen. “Very funny, playing a practical joke, come on we need to hurry.” Suddenly a noise was coming from around the corner. “Ryu? This isn’t funny, come on out!” All of the sudden, the people from her dream were standing right before her eyes. “Who are you?” While receiving no reply from these men with their faces covered with hoods, one reached out to grab Aerith but she jerked away and ran. Why are the people from my dream suddenly real? What do they want? If they catch me I know I’m done for. I sure hope Ryu is okay. Aerith continued to run as millions of questions rushed through her head while these mysterious men chased after her.

Aerith quickly rounded a corner only to bump into a girl who was running from something as well and looked just as scared. Instantly time seemed to stop. Is she running from the same people? What’s with her eyes? Why are they glowing? Wait why is my locket glowing? Aerith thought, but before she could find answers to her many questions, time picked back up and she realized this isn’t the moment to be searching for answers; the only thing that matters is getting away safely. Suddenly memories came prying into her head, “Aerith, this is a very special necklace and it will be bound to you until your final moments on Earth. I’m sorry that I can’t go into more detail; just know that this locket is known as the “Harmonic Balancer”. It will keep you safe with mystical protection and Iris will take care of you.” As her mother said those words, Iris carried her off and her mother was killed by the hooded men.

Aerith came to the realization that the dream she had was something she had experienced as a child. What she assumed was merely a dream, was truly real. It’s hopeless; they’ll never stop until I’m dead, even if they have this wretched locket. All of a sudden the memories stopped and she knew that this unknown place she was now at would soon be her grave. Tears started to run down her face as she began to faintly reply to the familiar voice. “Why? Why would you do this, Ryu?” With a smirk, Ryujin replied back “Still using that nickname I hate so much, my name is Ryujin not Ryu. It’s so cute that you want a reason why. You don’t realize just how much power that locket has, do you?” as he walked to her “It can protect the wearer from any harm. Do you have any idea what control can be done through this? Your mother stole that locket from my father and placed it on you, as if you were so special, when truly she didn’t care about you. You’re nothing but trash that will soon be dead from the poison coursing through your veins.”

“You have no idea the kind of love my mother felt for me!”, the locket started to glow once again, as she reached for it around her neck. “How is this possible? You shouldn’t even be able to move?! Why is your locket glowing? It’s never been known to do that! What have you done?” Aerith yanked the locket from her neck, severing the chain that was supposed to be bound to her. “My mother loved me enough to trust me with this, and I refuse to allow it fall into hands who will use its power for chaos!” Aerith shattered the locket against the ground as she took her last breath. “I know those eyes had something to do with this. It may be my end but I know your journey is only beginning, whoever you are.” The light faded and the locket was no more.

“You’re going to be late! Wake up Aerith!” yelled Iris. Immediately Aerith woke from her strange yet very vivid dream. Aerith jumped out of bed and gave Iris a big hug while whispering “Thank you.” Iris had no clue that Aerith was truly thanking her for something entirely different. As Aerith got ready to leave for her last day of school, she knew this was the morning her story would unfold; this would be the day that changed everything. Not only did she now know her true purpose in this world, she knew she wasn’t alone, and she knew who to search for… the girl with the glowing eyes. Aerith walked downstairs to the door while clinching her locket tightly and said to herself “This time, I’ll be ready.” as she closed the door.

_________________________________


I hope you enjoyed reading it, if you chose to do so. Feedback is much appreciated! :)
 
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YowYan

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I promise I'll read the first paragraph.

Maybe the second, also.

edit: Allright, read 2 paragraphs..pretty dire situation, that girl is in.. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, which is probably important for your essay, right?
Pretty interesting ^^ I'd like to make my own fanfic someday
 
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Dratasy

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I promise I'll read the first paragraph.

Maybe the second, also.

edit: Allright, read 2 paragraphs..pretty dire situation, that girl is in.. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, which is probably important for your essay, right?
Pretty interesting ^^ I'd like to make my own fanfic someday
Thanks :)

Well I more or less posted it for readers to enjoy the story, but also to give feedback on any errors if they spot them. Feel free to read the rest (I encourage it, if you would like) and let me know if you enjoy the story as well as what you thought of it. You should definitely try your hand at writing, I'd love to read your first post on it.
 
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Michael92

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Woah... This was quite interesting indeed my friend, and I'm not sure if I have read anything like it before. Felt like it was a dream within a dream, within a dream, or maybe the locket had some sort of power to alter time and space or to see the future? Even if it was a bit hard to follow, I do believe I managed to grasp the story of it. Your English is fantastic, and it really was a great read! The end was a bit surprising and the charaters were well descibed and thought out. Did you base this on something or did you just write it out of your mind on the get-go? This could definitelly be a great start to a FanFiction or a novel if you ever decided to do one. You should post the full version for sure and perhaps even consider making something out of it. Either that, or come up with a new idea and start writing a FF story here on the base. From what I read, I definitely got the vibe of something great here ;)

Some random thoughts that croseed my mind: What kind of power did that locket hold? What type of world was this novel place in as it didn't seem to be the human world. Did she die? And why was her "boyfriend" evil? Who were the hooded clan?
I guess only the future will tell (up to you I guess).


Oh, and thanks for mentioning me in the introduction, though it really wasn't necessary :p
 

Dratasy

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Woah... This was quite interesting indeed my friend, and I'm not sure if I have read anything like it before. Felt like it was a dream within a dream, within a dream, or maybe the locket had some sort of power to alter time and space or to see the future? Even if it was a bit hard to follow, I do believe I managed to grasp the story of it. Your English is fantastic, and it really was a great read! The end was a bit surprising and the charaters were well descibed and thought out. Did you base this on something or did you just write it out of your mind on the get-go? This could definitelly be a great start to a FanFiction or a novel if you ever decided to do one. You should post the full version for sure and perhaps even consider making something out of it. Either that, or come up with a new idea and start writing a FF story here on the base. From what I read, I definitely got the vibe of something great here ;)

Some random thoughts that croseed my mind: What kind of power did that locket hold? What type of world was this novel place in as it didn't seem to be the human world. Did she die? And why was her "boyfriend" evil? Who were the hooded clan?
I guess only the future will tell (up to you I guess).


Oh, and thanks for mentioning me in the introduction, though it really wasn't necessary :p
Greatly appreciate it! Well more or less it was meant to leave the reader wanting more, but enough information given to follow along with. Essentially (Not spoiling anything though because I do plan to continue it.) The locket has the power of protection, to always keep her safe from harm. Although I did not straight out say it, I implied it for the reader to kind of find like a diamond in the rough. It has the power to know when the day will come that things go bad and it will allow the wearer to see it through a vision type dream. The hooded men were an organization created through evil, to find the locket and use it for world domination once they heard that the mother of Aerith had such a locket. Ryujin was the son of the leader who wanted the locket, the hooded men were his followers and the world was set in a modern day time where magic exists but later on I plan to give it more of a twist on why this world is full of such mystical forces of power. (Oh and I can't tell you if she died or not :p the most I'll tell you is from what you've read so far... she's still alive and safe, for now.)

I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it and thank you for the compliments on it as well as my writing. Also including you was necessary :p you're a good friend of mine and one of my inspirations to writing FanFiction. Also, yes this story is completely made from scratch, thought up inside my head and added to Microsoft Word. :)
 
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Michael92

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Greatly appreciate it! Well more or less it was meant to leave the reader wanting more, but enough information given to follow along with. Essentially (Not spoiling anything though because I do plan to continue it.) The locket has the power of protection, to always keep her safe from harm. Although I did not straight out say it, I implied it for the reader to kind of find like a diamond in the rough. It has the power to know when the day will come that things go bad and it will allow the wearer to see it through a vision type dream. The hooded men were an organization created through evil, to find the locket and use it for world domination once they heard that the mother of Aerith had such a locket. Ryujin was the son of the leader who wanted the locket, the hooded men were his followers and the world was set in a modern day time where magic exists but later on I plan to give it more of a twist on why this world is full of such mystical forces of power. (Oh and I can't tell you if she died or not :p the most I'll tell you is from what you've read so far... she's still alive and safe, for now.)

I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it and thank you for the compliments on it as well as my writing. Also including you was necessary :p you're a good friend of mine and one of my inspirations to writing FanFiction. Also, yes this story is completely made from scratch, thought up inside my head and added to Microsoft Word. :)
Sweet! :p I for one would definitely read it if you got around to do one. One suggestion though, you should start over and include this as part of chapter 1, only bigger and more detailed, or perhaps even starting the story ealier than this and go your way up to this. As it stand now, it feels more like a draft rather than chapter 1, if you get what I'm saying? ;)
 

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Sweet! :p I for one would definitely read it if you got around to do one. One suggestion though, you should start over and include this as part of chapter 1, only bigger and more detailed, or perhaps even starting the story ealier than this and go your way up to this. As it stand now, it feels more like a draft rather than chapter 1, if you get what I'm saying? ;)
Yeah I get what you mean, more or less the first chapter was meant to suck the reader in to read more due to having a very limited story otherwise the Professor would have been upset that she had to read that much. :p
 
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