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This isn't mine. This is by Felix Clay. Full article here:
Science of Fart Ease
What is the easiest way to fart? It's a question that hasn't been asked time and time again by anyone ever. But science looked into it, and the media was hot on their trail because it was warm and vaguely oniony.
Turns out there is a better way to fart and it's not laying down as you might think, all luxurious and supine, vaguely rutting against your drool-encrusted pillow, grunting as you drift in and out of consciousness, not quite sure if you're pleasuring the cast of *** and the City or not. No, the perfect fart can be crop-dusted simply by standing which allows for more gas to be expelled leaving you drained and satisfied on a basic, gaseous level. Aren't you glad someone looked into this? Aren't you glad I relayed the information to you? I wish there was anything else to this story, like a point, or even the inspiration behind why someone wondered what the most efficient way to cut one is, but here we are, just standing and farting, caught between satisfaction and dissatisfaction.
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Science of Fart Ease
What is the easiest way to fart? It's a question that hasn't been asked time and time again by anyone ever. But science looked into it, and the media was hot on their trail because it was warm and vaguely oniony.
Turns out there is a better way to fart and it's not laying down as you might think, all luxurious and supine, vaguely rutting against your drool-encrusted pillow, grunting as you drift in and out of consciousness, not quite sure if you're pleasuring the cast of *** and the City or not. No, the perfect fart can be crop-dusted simply by standing which allows for more gas to be expelled leaving you drained and satisfied on a basic, gaseous level. Aren't you glad someone looked into this? Aren't you glad I relayed the information to you? I wish there was anything else to this story, like a point, or even the inspiration behind why someone wondered what the most efficient way to cut one is, but here we are, just standing and farting, caught between satisfaction and dissatisfaction.