The Akatsuki

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Pein: Everyone calm down!*
Tobi: but-but I'm bored!!!!!
Pein: =_= shut up
*everybody sits down*
pein: Mmkay, well Konan and I think we should go on vacation. But we dont know where we should go?
*Deidara raises his hand*
Deidara: how about we go to the beach?
Tobi: Tobi likes the beach!!!!*
Pein: Mmkay that's a idea
Kakuzu: how much will this cost?
Pein: who cares? It's for fun!
Konan: Anyone else got an idea?
*no one raises there hand*
Pein: Well we are going to the beach*
Tobi: WOOHOO*
*Tobi starts dancing*
(a few days later)
*everyone is packing for the day at the beach*
Pein: Ok now everyone act as your best behavior! If you don't we are going back to the hide out!
Deidara: well I'm going to change
*everyone goes to the changing room and changes*
Tobi: Caning Ball!!!!!
*tobi jumps in the water*
Itachi: well I might as well try to get a tan
*Itachi lays in the sun while Kisame sneaks up and pushes him in the water*
Itachi: AHHH!!!!
*Tobi starts swimming with his floaty*
Tobi: Tobi likes water. Tobi thinks water is nice to swim in.
Pein: HEY!!!!! TIME TO GO!!!! EVERYONE TIME TO GO!!!! ITS 7 PM TIME TO GO!!!!
*everyone grabs their stuff and leaves*
(at the hide outish layerish Akatsuki)
Deidara: TOBI!!!!! GIVE ME MY HAT BACK!!!!!
Tobi: Only if you hug me :p
Deidara: ): no
Tobi: Then your not getting your hat back! :p
Deidara: FINE!!!!
*Deidara goes to bed*
Hidan: Tobi, you got Deidara's hat?
Tobi: Mhmm*
Hidan: Hand it over because Tobi is a good boy remember!
Tobi: Oh yeah! Good a good boy!!!
*Tobi hands Hidan Deidara's hat*
Hidan: Thank you
Tobi: Mhhh, well good night :)
*Tobi goes to bed*
Hidan: YES!!!! I always wanted this hat!!! :D
(The next day)
Sasori: how'd ya sleep?
Deidara: Mhhh ok I guess....
Sasori: What happen?
Deidara: TOBI TOOK MY LOLLIPOP HAT!!!!!
Sasori: D: not the lollipop hat!!!
Deidara: yes the lollipop hat T-T
(later)
Deidara: GIVE ME MY HAT!
Tobi: Tobi no have hat
Deidara: Don't lie!!!
Tobi: Tobi swears!!! Tobi no has hat!!!
Deidara: WhErE Is It!?!?!?!?
Tobi: Tobi was a good boy and gave it to Hidan!
Deidara: T-T Tobi! Where is Hidan?!?!?
Tobi: Tobi doesn't know D:
Deidara: Ugh
(later)
Hidan: I'm super! Thanks for asking! Don't I look cute in this hat? I'm super!!
Kakuzu: Where did you get that hat?
Hidan: Tobi-Deidara
Kakuzu: If you were to sell that how much would it be?
Hidan: Why would I sell sell! Oh my Jashin! Are you crazy!
Kakuzu: No just wondering!
Hidan: Okay good.
*Then Deidara comes breaking into their room*
Deidara: GIVE ME THAT HAT!!!!
Hidan: ..... No?
Deidara: Yes!
*Deidara grabs his hat and runs*
Hidan: D;
(At 5:30 pm)
Kisame: I'm hungry! Who knows how to cook?
Konan: I guess I'll cook :p
Pein: WOOHOO
Tobi: Tobi thinks we should have chicken to night.
Deidara: Or pocky?
Itachi: Or ramen!
Konan: I can make three different kinds of foods I guess....
(about 53 minutes later)*
*Everyone starts eating**
(Bed time)*
*Everyone climbs into bed. Well not Sasori but almost everyone XD*
(next day)
Sasori: Dogs and Widdles are clipping, Deidara
Deidara: Danna what do you mean?
Sasori: you'll see, you all will see!!!!
Deidara: hmmm?
Sasori: Go away
Deidara: Fine ):
~<3 To be continued :)
Listen I wont be on everyday, sorry.
 

Jack Spicer

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I really didn't like it. I don't see Hidan saying thank you ever. I think you need to try to match the character's personalities more, plus make it longer. It had good humor for a child, but it's not my cup of tea. Hidan should curse somewhat. Make it seem like it's actually them, but make it as funny as possible. Not everything has to be funny, most of it, but you need like to have a buildup to every funny line.

I rate it 2/5, with potential.
 

vergil18

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it was nice. try to make the caracters more comical with their caracteristics like hidan prayng, tachi being too serious, and sasori threatening to kill everyone.. something like that xD
 
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WelL thanks you some nice people. I was in a hurry because I usually cant get on here. But people don't got to be so rude. I'm still getting use to this website. Don't hate please. I will admit I tried to make it somewhat funny but not everybody has the same thoughts. I thought It was funny well you guys didnt. I dont know if I should continue, well I'll do it for the people who are AWESOME and liked my story.
Btw~ I usually don't do funny stories, this is my first one. I usually to romance and when I did romance I got nice comments and good tips. Well you don't have to act that way, you can give me tips just don't hate!U_U
 

Jokey

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Awards
Well, If you post those stuff, then you will have to Accept that there will be Hater's, but anyway, most of the People just say that they don't like it to feel like their Trolling or are just to Lazy to Read but don't want to Admit and just want to raise their post count to Post random without reading.
 

prperez

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it was hilarious and good so im definitely gonna rep youso hope come out with new stories please pm me when you get another story up i would appreciate it
 
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