I don't believe you. Look at what you're doing.
Jesus. I bet you've got a smartphone or something; use it. There are dating-apps and dating-sites in the thousands, but NB isn't one of them (unless you're Staff).
Still....
- Thread starter Fire Goddess
- Start date
Jesus. I bet you've got a smartphone or something; use it. There are dating-apps and dating-sites in the thousands, but NB isn't one of them (unless you're Staff).
Fire Goddess
Active member
I'd rather not use dating sites or anything like that, I am posting from my smartphone because I don't have wifi... The thing is I'm looking for a place to meet a guy... wasn't necessarily looking here, just posting how I felt which is half the reason I stated I wasn't even sure if I should post this at all when I created the thread... I didn't create this thread assuming I'd find a man on here... it was just to state my feelings not to suddenly find a guy
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Claiming to be a girl on the internet and that you are looking for a good man... on a forum like this one... take anything that is said with a very large serving of salt.
I would say that the priority is getting out of the hell hole - or making the hole you're in less hellish - depending upon your situation.
Life isn't necessarily fair. Even in the classic "Cinderella story" where the poor peasant girl is found by a wonderful prince charming and all that jazz - the 'Cinderella' has much of what -is- within her control in life straightened out. She is working hard and thinking through many of the decisions she makes.
In more modern terms - girls who constantly try to solve their problems with a boyfriend or one-night-stands tend to either get used and abused or to use and abuse any good guy they manage to attract.
I'd start with working to improve yourself, first. Learn some skills/trades that can be applied to some line of work. You don't necessarily need a degree (or a new one) to start moving in a more productive direction.I'm lonely and have zero luck at love or finding a good man... it's been so long.... I am starting to doubt anything good could come my way, let alone a good man....
If you don't feel like anything good is going to come along in life - then you're probably not in the best of places at the moment... which means the guys who are the closest around you are likely not in the best of ways, either.
It may be because you are young. I'm not sure how old you are - but people in western societies younger than about 22 years old are, generally, just not very mature. They don't know what they want out of life, much less how to go about getting there. When it comes to relationships, they want all the adult activities and habits without the adult perspective.
It's one thing to want to have a 'girl' or a 'man' in your life. It's another to have an idea of sharing your life with another human being.
It's also another thing to have enough understanding of yourself to be able to maintain control.
Some men are good - but have no real experience. Relationships are, from an instinctive standpoint, possessive in nature. A man who gets you a piece of jewelry is trying to 'mark' you - or, more accurately - wearing a piece of jewelry that a guy 'who is like a brother' gave to you is going to get a reaction out of your boyfriend. If he's not ever had to deal with emotions like that - he may be a good guy - but will lapse into nearly psychotic episodes when those emotions are provoked.
Of course - a girl who is young and doesn't understand some of her own emotions, either... put the two together and you get most teenage relationships.
My recommendation is to not "look for" a guy. I can almost guarantee you that plenty are already looking your way - and that plenty will be looking your way in the future. Start working on improving yourself and knowing that you can stand on your own two feet, first.
What you don't want is to be dependent on a boyfriend. Dependency on a husband (or, from a man's perspective - a wife) is natural to develop over time; but dependency upon a boyfriend is a bad thing. You do not want boyfriends controlling you through a lack of confidence on your ability to make it in the world by yourself. Even if they aren't trying to, you don't want that in the back of your mind and influencing your decisions, either.
Fair and square.
You shouldn't be afraid to use dating-sites, though. Not everyone's ready to just go out and 'meet people.' I don't know how you are socially or what kind of men you're looking for, but there are advantages to using dating-sites. Bars and Clubs tend to attract a certain demographic group. If that isn't what you're looking for - and your own social circles don't have any eligible bachelors in their midsts - you should seriously consider just making a casual profile on one of the bigger sites. I'm sure you've heard some stories about internet-dating, but it's generally a safe and useful medium. Just keep your wits about you and stick to people who can provide a picture or two and don't claim to be from Mars
Fire Goddess
Active member
Forgive me, I didn't read what you said before, if you saw my last quote, um thank you for the advice I will keep searching, I just guess it all caught up with me.... the thing is, I just need to wait and maybe something else will come my way first... anything is possible, maybe now is just not the best time for me to have a man in my life. I agree with you 100% on the dependant thing, I would hate to be dependent on a guy or the other way around because no real relationship could come from that and you'd have my parents in nutshell lmao I'll keep being the same old me, and until a real good guy comes my way, I'll keep dreaming of my anime/manga guy, and wondering if Kishimoto will ever tell us more about the back story of him
NaNaNaaaaa
Active member
Try a library, book store, museum, coffee house, you tend to find nicer guys in places where the intention is not to fornicate. On here you are most likely just to get a lot of pervy messages from a lot of horny teenagers...no offence guys XD
NaNaNaaaaa
Active member
Edit:
Ah, my internet dropped out and I didn't catch your update to the edit.
No hard feelings. Included is my response to it if you wish to see it.
There is a reason I stated what I did - it's because I recognize the pattern of thought.
The fact that you aren't sure if this is the right place to post it means that you aren't quite sure what you're looking for in response.
Being single and filing for bankruptcy are two completely different things. The last thing on your mind, right now, should be adding another person into the mix - especially a boyfriend.
Further, you are looking for a "good man" after more or less alleging that you have no luck (so a string of jerks).
Whether you are consciously aware of it or not - you are more or less saying: "I want a knight in shining armor."
If you are genuine in your approach - then you are opening yourself up to exploitation with this mentality. It has nothing to do with where you posted it and everything to do with how you are connecting the concept of "my surroundings" with "I am single."
If you are not genuine - then this is the classic ploy to lure in "Captain-save-a-ho" who will try his damnedest to play the knight in shining armor role... only to have his damsel in distress run off with the dark knight in the end.
My point was that relationships are possessive. The fact that you are linking "not single" with "not in hell hole" compounds with the possessive nature of the "not single" status. You are young enough that the types of people you encounter are likely to be somewhat immature and to be engrossed in these feelings of possession.
The phrase: "you are nothing without me" has a high probability of being used in an argument with a person formed from a relationship born from your present outlook.
How is not being single going to alleviate your hellish situation?
The logical extrapolation is that you'll be sharing domestic quarters with this person. Since you have already linked the "not single" with "not hell" - the implication that this person could make you single is... a sentence back to hell.
And if it gets his possession to stay with him - it will be said.
Now - I'm sure "I'm not anywhere close" and "am looking too deep."
Perhaps even a pretentious *******.
Either way - my advice is the same.
You have to stand on your own two feet, first. You have to be in control of yourself and of your outlook on life. Get your finances in order and survive. Once you know you can survive that - you know you can survive breaking up with any guy who comes along - good, bad, or otherwise.
Ah, my internet dropped out and I didn't catch your update to the edit.
No hard feelings. Included is my response to it if you wish to see it.
Want to and being are two different things.
There is a reason I stated what I did - it's because I recognize the pattern of thought.
I wasn't saying you did look for love on the Internet. Since we're on the subject, though - love on the internet is mostly dependent upon your attitude. You can meet wonderful people on the internet - or you can meet creeps. Or you can meet wonderfully creepy people.
There is no such place as a wrong place to express your feelings (well... within reason...). The question is what you expect to get in return.
The fact that you aren't sure if this is the right place to post it means that you aren't quite sure what you're looking for in response.
The fact that you are linking these two together in your mind is dangerous to yourself.
Being single and filing for bankruptcy are two completely different things. The last thing on your mind, right now, should be adding another person into the mix - especially a boyfriend.
Further, you are looking for a "good man" after more or less alleging that you have no luck (so a string of jerks).
Whether you are consciously aware of it or not - you are more or less saying: "I want a knight in shining armor."
If you are genuine in your approach - then you are opening yourself up to exploitation with this mentality. It has nothing to do with where you posted it and everything to do with how you are connecting the concept of "my surroundings" with "I am single."
If you are not genuine - then this is the classic ploy to lure in "Captain-save-a-ho" who will try his damnedest to play the knight in shining armor role... only to have his damsel in distress run off with the dark knight in the end.
I quote examples from my own life, yes.
My point was that relationships are possessive. The fact that you are linking "not single" with "not in hell hole" compounds with the possessive nature of the "not single" status. You are young enough that the types of people you encounter are likely to be somewhat immature and to be engrossed in these feelings of possession.
The phrase: "you are nothing without me" has a high probability of being used in an argument with a person formed from a relationship born from your present outlook.
How is not being single going to alleviate your hellish situation?
The logical extrapolation is that you'll be sharing domestic quarters with this person. Since you have already linked the "not single" with "not hell" - the implication that this person could make you single is... a sentence back to hell.
And if it gets his possession to stay with him - it will be said.
Now - I'm sure "I'm not anywhere close" and "am looking too deep."
Perhaps even a pretentious *******.
Either way - my advice is the same.
You have to stand on your own two feet, first. You have to be in control of yourself and of your outlook on life. Get your finances in order and survive. Once you know you can survive that - you know you can survive breaking up with any guy who comes along - good, bad, or otherwise.
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NaNaNaaaaa
Active member
The most important thing is that you are finding someone you want to share your life with and that you are in a position where you know and feel like you have a life to share - that you are bringing something to this man's life.
I've seen quite a few girls who go with the idea that their value is rooted in the happiness of 'their man' (and guys even do the same thing - perhaps to an extent that is even worse but never verbalized). IE - "So long as I can be important to him..." While it's great to want to make someone happy - if the only thing you think you bring to the relationship is 'I make him happy,' it's really hard to deal with the times when that person isn't happy.
Confidence in yourself and faith in the other person's ability to be a functioning individual (or, at least a surviving one - we're all somewhere on the continuum of dysfunctional) is important.
The only recommendation I'd make to that is to assess whether or not the same old you is getting you closer to the person you wish to be.I agree with you 100% on the dependant thing, I would hate to be dependent on a guy or the other way around because no real relationship could come from that and you'd have my parents in nutshell lmao I'll keep being the same old me, and until a real good guy comes my way, I'll keep dreaming of my anime/manga guy, and wondering if Kishimoto will ever tell us more about the back story of him
One of the most interesting pieces of advice I ever received was from a girl I used to work with. She was telling me of this day she was having where her car had broken down and a whole host of other things. She was on the phone with her father, more or less having a break-down on him, when he told her:
"Stop, stop. Just think of this as a character defining moment." Being a heavy reader/literature person, she processed it as 'if I am me in a book, what would I do right now?'
When you look at your life from the outside, it can be easier to see things in context, especially when you're having a very bad day.
As for 'dreams of relationships' - my standards have always been set pretty high.
I grew up in a household where my parents didn't argue. They genuinely loved each other - and I didn't really understand this until I got older and saw the parents of my friends. Not that they didn't love each other... but ... my parents wanted to be together. They didn't snip and snipe at each other - making derogatory comments toward each other would have been unthinkable. The type of stuff that I see occasionally on sitcoms just blows my mind - my parents never treated each other that way (like the George Lopez Show - as funny as it can be at times, the relationship between the husband and wife is just... frankly - they act like they hate each other except for when they are behind closed doors).
My father was always gently spoken and rarely lost his temper... of course - he was in his 40s when I was born and my mother was in her 20s. If anyone had a temper - it was my mother. Lightning fast backhand she had... She grew up with two older brothers in the country, though.
Of course - my father also served in Vietnam. I've only heard stories of what he was like in the months afterward - but the experience changed him and added a perspective/maturity to him that few other people I've met have. Perhaps for him - the trials and tribulations of raising a family were desirable compared to the jungles of Vietnam and it helped keep him on an even keel where others get irrational.
When my dad had to relocate because of work, they would call and talk to each other for at least an hour each night. They got a cellular phone plan just for it back in 2000/2001 when StarTac was -the- leading edge mobile phone and "free after 8PM" plans were all the rage.
In many ways, one of the things I've had to most adjust to in the world is the idea of just how different other peoples' experiences often are with their parents and how that has influenced their expectations of a relationship with regard to my own.