Sparkle 4

Sin

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Chapter 4 - Love Train



We kissed for a while and then we heard the bell ring, we came apart and stared at each other and Andy broke the silence,"Wow..I love you alot Ali,". We went inside school and went to our next class, we sat next to each, and the class was art, we were told to do a portrait, so I decided to do a portrait of Andy, with his dark cool hair, and beautiful blue eyes, and his cute smile, I put him in designer top and trousers, and cool shoes, and he looked so cute, Mr Terfield thought this was amazing and it was amazing, I got A+, and we took our portraits home, and so after school, me and Andy went to this park and we showed our portraits, he done me and I done him, and he thought mine was amazing and I thought his was amazing aswell, he leaned forward, and we kissed again, it was beautiful, it was real. He then went on further starting to do things, that I couldn't really understand, I struggled and kept repeating,"No Andy,". He finally backed off and said,"Sorry, its just our love is so strong taking it further would make us have stronger love than ever,". I understood and when Danny came home, he spoke of his new girlfriend,"Sarah is so cute and we kissed alot most of the day,". Then he spotted me, my head on Andy's shoulder,"Uh, Are you two loving each other aswell?" He asked, I nodded and so did Andy, he smiled, he knew I was getting older, I was nearly 14, I need to grow up sometime."So yeah how old are you Andy?" I asked, he waited a few moments before saying,"14 by a bit...birthday was a week ago,". I nodded, " I'm 14 in January," I said to him. He nodded and smiled, we kissed quickly then I went upstairs and sat on my bed, Andy came in and sat on the huge bed that we shared because of small space. All my family is on the love train.
 

Lawliet

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Nice work Sin ^^

You should make your chapters longer; and also break up large paragraphs.
It's easier on the eye to read many separate paragraphs rather than one huge one.
Also it's better to start a new line everytime there's s new chracter speaking so it doesn't look cluttered. ^^

-Criticism to help you improve.-
 
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