Solus Nullus Morus (Alone No More)

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Josh

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This is a poem I wrote. 'tis a story, so I believe it fits in here <_<

He stands in the shadows, awaiting first light; alone and broken, will it end tonight?

Can’t seem to make sense of it all; sadly listening, for tragedy’s call.

Barely audible, a breath on his lip; he says goodbye, as his control begins to slip.

Staring into the cold dark waters; he feels the longing once more and falters.

The depths before him offer solace; icy tendrils, quick to embrace.

With one look back, he searches for reason; why does he feel, he can commit such treason?

The air is calm, with no replies; his focus returns, to all the lies and severed ties.

They beckon him now, soothing and sweet; signaling to none, his bitter defeat.

The time draws near, he shows no fear.

One more step, will end his endeavor; soon he’ll be lost, quietly forever.

A solo sound breaks the trance; like dripping water, a soft disturbance.

Already committed, decision made; leaning forward, to accept the blade.

Arms reach out, through the icy rain; warm and sure, they grasp the pain.

Eyes wide open; full of wonder; like the crash of lightning through distant thunder.

She pulls him back, with all her might; desperately she holds him, secure and tight.

Tears quickly fall, full of regret; suddenly aware, how could he forget?

The choice was not his, it would do more to affect; those he loves, and swore to protect.

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Train

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I like the flow, and the word choices...brings good imagery/feeling.
I kinda wish you could put most of the rhyming lines on top of each other, [Dunno why, I just like poetry that way], but that would have made the post longer.
I like these lines the best, they sounded extremely nice/well worded:
Arms reach out, through the icy rain; warm and sure, they grasp the pain.

Eyes wide open; full of wonder; like the crash of lightning through distant thunder.
The last line didn't seem to flow like the rest of the poem though, imo.
Not that I'm an expert poet >__> ".
 

Josh

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Thanks! I struggled immensely with the last line and also debated heavily about breaking the lines up to make it twice as long... I tried to keep the structure with the final line and end the story on the right note. Just couldn't get the right word to rhyme perfectly and make the right sense. I have a couple more that I may post soon, but this one was the most descriptive in my opinion. Thanks for the critique!
 
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