So Long A Letter

[Reborn]

Hello everybody. This peice below is not a Fanfiction, it's an english reflection that I have to do for tomorrow about story So Long A Letter. In short, I was put into a group. My group was assinged a task concerning an aspect from the story to talk about in an oral presentation. After that presentation I was tasked with writting a reflection (between 500-700 words) about what I did in my presentation, what my topic was, and about improvements for the next presentation. I'm not sure if this is allowed (putting up something that isn't fanfiction really but an oral reflection) but I wanted to get people's opinions on it. I'm recieving C- markes on my English grade because of the strictness of the IB rubric (for those of you who don't know what IB look it up). Anyway I'm not doing so hot, yet the rigour of the coarse is different from normal American high school standards. It is International standards (it's the I in IB). My class has not been properly prepared for such coarses (told to me and my class by my English teach), yet we're expected to adapt to it in the last two years of our high school carrees, when it is the time for us to apply to colleges. Despite the difficulty of the coarses colleges want to see how students adapt to the coarse and we're expected to do this in two years...I sound calm but I'm pissed off to the highest extent. I was once with a 3.77gpa and now I'm down to barly a 3.4 because of this. Excuse me for the ramble, but I'm posting my reflection here to get the opinion on NBers for:

1) I believe a good number of the base in intelligent and will give intelligent feed back on this, so I want your opinion on how I did.

2) I'm partially reluctant to do this for, whatever reason, but I'm a little high so I'm just going with the flow right now.

3) This is over 700 words so I have to make some cuts anyway so, yeah

Anyway here it, read if you're interested, it's only a page long.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the story So Long A Letter I did the oral assignment concerning power inside the story. In my group we first began to analyze the piece to see where the concept of “power” was demonstrated. We talked about the influential power of culture and religion, time period, and tradition. Our assessment was mainly based on culture and traditional ways, as those aspects had the most influence over the characters in the letter. So Long A Letter sets in the early 20th century. We get a feel on the importance of the tradition and culture of society within the story after only a few chapters inside the story. My group was also tasked with finding out how power affected the characters. We realized what the focus of our oral presentation was to be and we split up the tasks amongst ourselves.

Specifically for me, I studied how the financial aspects in the story, related to the religion and culture of the African society where the story takes place. I was tasked with finding out the influence elders had over the youth. In many societies, the elders act as a grip to the older generation. Elders generally have influence over the youth for a certain amount of time in their lives. That influence is a type of power held over the youth. With those topics I found my evidence from the text and organized it. I analyzed the specific quotes that I took from the text and used it to prove the claims that I was making, based on the task assignment to my group and myself. For the elderly influence, I focused on the character Binetou, who was the co-wife of the protagonist. I took quotes pertaining to how her parents had wanted Binetou to give up finishing her schooling and education in order to marry a wealthy man, who could provide so much for her and her family. Binetou's will was to finish school, and to become independent. However the pressure put upon her by her parents was something she couldn't ignore and she married the man. The pressure placed on Binetou is an example of the influence the elders had. It directly relates to the next topic within my jurisdiction, which was the financial aspect in relation to power. The reason Binetou's parents urged her to abandon her education to marry a wealthy man, was simply for the fact that he was wealthy and well off. His financial state was stable and it was strong enough to provide for her. In the Islamic faith, Polygamy was widly accepted in that culture. The man wishing to marry Binetou was already the husband of the protagonist, Ramatoulya. However religion, accepted the adoption of another spouse. The fact that Islam allows this, shows the religious aspect of the situation. Binetou's reason for marrying the man, however, were purely financial, and influenced by her parents. There was no real love or spirituality motives behind it.

In my presentation of my information and quotes that I found, I spoke on how the aspects stated above influence characters, have an affect on them, and therefore, have a level of power over them. Binetou's will was not to marry this wealthy man, but to continue on and to better her education. As a result she was bitter towards her husband but still took advantage of the money and privileges offered to her. Not only that but she felt remorse and regret after seeing other young couples enjoying themselves, while she was stuck under the wing of her husband (who was the father of her best friend). As well in my presentation I showed how a shift in the power came to be. The shift from the oppressed (the women in society who were forced to oblige by to the will of the men, based on the culture of the time) pulling themselves away and becoming independent. Ramatoulya was forced to accept her husband's taking of a second wife, however, she did not falter or succumb to the will of traditional ways after his death. While woman were generally expected to remarry after the deaths of their husband, Ramatoulya did not. She moved away from tradition, which demonstrated a shift in power from: women succumbing to traditional ways, to them choosing the paths they wish. Ramatoulya became independent.

As I did my presentation I felt that my weaker aspects were, my ability to articulate myself and finish off my thoughts clearly. I felt that there wasn't enough interaction with the audience. My group ran out of time and we couldn't communicate with our peers to see if our points were making sense to them or not. I understand that for future oral presentations that I need to articulate better and communicate my point clearly and swiftly in order to make time for my peers to ask questions. This way I can be sure if that they understand my points of view. If they don't then I have time to rephrase or to go back and attempt to communicate in a way where they will be able to understand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From a person's point of view, who hasn't read this story, would you be able to understand, from this reflection peice what my area of work was for this topic? What I'm asking is: even though you haven't read the story (some of you may have) even if there are still questions you have about the story in general, do you believe that I clearly presented the topic in which I was assinged to do in this peice? Would you at least understand what I was assigned to do?

I'm logging off either way right now but I always get on in the morning before school. I'm only getting 3 hours of sleep tonight anyway so I may be on later. For those of you who read and give feed back I thank you. Give feed back on anything you find wrong with it (whether it be grammer, puncuation, tense usage, etc.) or what you like about it. Thank you Good night/morning/afternoon (differnet time zones)

 

[FallingLeaf]

little to long lol but the parts i did read seemed good to me 9/10 =D

 

[Reborn]

little to long lol but the parts i did read seemed good to me 9/10 =D

Thank you, I understand that it's long, it's a rough draft. I have to cut out much of the second and third paragraph to make room to fit the requirments, thank you for reading.

 

[Seffy]

"We get a feel on the importance of the tradition and culture of society within the story after only a few chapters inside the story." You did it again, repition take out the inside the story part, not needed.

"In the Islamic faith, Polygamy (the practice of having more then one wife). The man wishing to marry Binetou (The husband of the protagonist) was already married." Join those two sentences together because the first one is an incomplete thought since the brackets aren't part of the actual sentence.

"She strove to remain independent and strayed from tradition. She moved away from tradition, which demonstrated a shift in power from: women succumbing to traditional ways, to them choosing the paths they wish." take the first sentence out and just add onto the second, (repition)

other than that it was fine

 

[Avani]

It needs editting- there are incomplete sentences as well as unnecessarily repeated sentences.

Do you want me to beta it - warning - English is not my mother tounge either but I can clean up some obvious mistakes.

 

[Reborn]

"We get a feel on the importance of the tradition and culture of society within the story after only a few chapters inside the story." You did it again, repition take out the inside the story part, not needed.

"In the Islamic faith, Polygamy (the practice of having more then one wife). The man wishing to marry Binetou (The husband of the protagonist) was already married." Join those two sentences together because the first one is an incomplete thought since the brackets aren't part of the actual sentence.

"She strove to remain independent and strayed from tradition. She moved away from tradition, which demonstrated a shift in power from: women succumbing to traditional ways, to them choosing the paths they wish." take the first sentence out and just add onto the second, (repition)

other than that it was fine

I love you<3 lol

But seriously thank you, Is my grammer alright?

Revised

We get a feel on the importance of the tradition and culture of society within the story after only a few chapters.

In the Islamic faith, Polygamy was widly accepted in the culture. The man wishing to marry Binetou was already married (to the protagonist).

She moved away from tradition, which demonstrated a shift in power: women succumbing to traditional ways, to them choosing the paths they wished. Ramatoulya became independent.

How do these revisions sound?

 

[Seffy]

There are alot of brackets though, what is up with the brackets? xd lol

She strove to remain independent as she strayed away from tradition. Which demonstrated a shift in power from: women succumbing to traditional ways, to them choosing the paths they wish.

Instead of the first she, use her actual name

 

[Reborn]

It needs editting- there are incomplete sentences as well as unnecessarily repeated sentences.

Do you want me to beta it - warning - English is not my mother tounge either but I can clean up some obvious mistakes.

I understand the repitition, I made revisions in the origional one. English is my mother tounge but I'm still horrible at itxd thank you for reading and helping. If you do find something, please point it out.

 

[Reborn]

There are alot of brackets though, what is up with the brackets? xd lol

My teacher told us to write it as if we were conveying the message to an audience who had never read the story before, meaning I had to clarify on things that weren't obvious.

Binetou for example. You don't know off the bat that she's the co-wife of the protagonist. I'll take them out though.

 

[Seffy]

My teacher told us to write it as if we were conveying the message to an audience who had never read the story before, meaning I had to clarify on things that weren't obvious.

Binetou for example. You don't know off the bat that she's the co-wife of the protagonist. I'll take them out though.

idk to me the brackets seem messy. You should find a way to work them in via comas

Ex:
Binetou, the co-wife of the protagonist, and finish the rest of the sentence.

 

[Reborn]

idk to me the brackets seem messy. You should find a way to work them in via comas

Ex:
Binetou, the co-wife of the protagonist, and finish the rest of the sentence.

~UPDATED~​

See how it works now please

 

[Seffy]

My group was also tasked with finding out how power affected the characters.

I was tasked with also finding out how the elders influenced the youth, in which many societies they were in charge.

fix those like ^

In many societies, the elders act as a grip to the older generation. Elders generally have influence over the youth for a certain amount of time in their lives. get rid of this, not needed

 

[iamkawaii08]

a little repetition on some parts but overall I understood it.. I hope you're professor will give you a good grade good luck..:b

 

[Reborn]

My group was also tasked with finding out how power affected the characters.

I was tasked with also finding out how the elders influenced the youth, in which many societies they were in charge.

fix those like ^

In many societies, the elders act as a grip to the older generation. Elders generally have influence over the youth for a certain amount of time in their lives. get rid of this, not needed

Fixed

 

[Seffy]

As a result she was bitter towards her husband but still took advantage of the money and privileges offered to her. (fix this like this)

Not only that but she felt remorse and regret after seeing other young couples enjoying themselves, while she was stuck under the wing of her husband (who was the father of her best friend). fix it like:

Even still she carried feelings of remorse and regret, especially at the sight of a young couple who was her best friend's father, while she remained under her husband's wing.

As well in my presentation I showed how a shift in the power came to be. The shift from the oppressed (the women in society who were forced to oblige by to the will of the men, based on the culture of the time) pulling themselves away and becoming independent. fix it like this:

In my presentation, I showed a shifting of power from the oppressed women as they attempted to break free from the bonds of tradition to gain their independence.

Ramatoulya moved away from tradition and became indpendent. Which demonstrated a shift in power from women succumbing to traditional ways, to them choosing the paths they wish.

 

[Reborn]

My group was also tasked with finding out how power affected the characters.

I was tasked with also finding out how the elders influenced the youth, in which many societies they were in charge.

fix those like ^

In many societies, the elders act as a grip to the older generation. Elders generally have influence over the youth for a certain amount of time in their lives. get rid of this, not needed

Will do.

a little repetition on some parts but overall I understood it.. I hope you're professor will give you a good grade good luck..:b

I understand that already, I'm fixing it now. Thank you for commenting.

 

[Makeril]

LOL! Commas are not your friend (lines 1 and 2). You also repeat yourself sometimes (Lines three and four). Line 5, Personally I would say, We get an understanding/feeling of vs. "We get a feel on"; and, an article isn't needed for tradition in that sentence (take out the "the"). Take out "inside the story" as well while you're at it. Focus on not using the word "story" too much. You follow the next sentence with the same word that started the previous sentence *gasps*; that is a no-no. Do not ever do it! Instead say, My group and I or something along those lines. OMG! (Last sentence of the Paragraph), do I need to tell you what a third is considered? Death Penalty! Also, you forgot the word going between "was to be".
Not bad so far. But tell me if you want me to go further since I'd hate to be here all night and you won't take my criticism. We're all here to learn, eh?

 

[Reborn]

As a result she was bitter towards her husband but still took advantage of the money and privileges offered to her. (fix this like this)

Not only that but she felt remorse and regret after seeing other young couples enjoying themselves, while she was stuck under the wing of her husband (who was the father of her best friend). fix it like:

Even still she carried feelings of remorse and regret, especially at the sight of a young couple who was her best friend's father, while she remained under her husband's wing.

I can't used cried, if I take liberties like that in writting to exagerate the happenings i'll get marks off, I understand what you're saying though. I know what to fix in that section.

 

[Reborn]

LOL! Commas are not your friend (lines 1 and 2). You also repeat yourself sometimes (Lines three and four). Line 5, Personally I would say We get an understanding/feeling of vs. "We get a feel on", and an article isn't needed for tradition in that sentence (take out the "the"). Take out "inside the story" as well while you're at it. Focus on not using the word "story" too much. You follow the next sentence with the same word that started the previous sentence; that is a no-no. Do not ever do it! Instead say My group and I or something along those lines. OMG! (Last sentence of the Paragraph), do I need to tell you what a third is considered? Death Penalty! Also, you forgot the word going between "was to be".
Not bad so far. But tell me if you want me to go further since I'd hate to be here all night and you won't take my criticism. We're all here to learn, eh?

A few of the things you've mentioned I've already fixed before hand. I'ts 1:00am here, which is partially the reason I posted here. I'm half asleep and this has to go in by second period tomorrow. I take criticism very well so it's no bother at all. I'm actually about to leave now because I still have to read 48 pages of a book for tomorrow morning.

If you have any other peices of advice you wouldn't mind sharing, feel free to speak up. I appriciate the time you took to read this and correct me.

 

[Avani]

I understand the repitition, I made revisions in the origional one. English is my mother tounge but I'm still horrible at itxd thank you for reading and helping. If you do find something, please point it out.

I focused on the character Binetou (the co-wife of the protagonist/main character of the story). I took quotes pertaining to how her parents (primarily her mother) had wanted Binetou to give up finishing her schooling and education in order to marry a wealthy man, who could provide so much for her and her family.

Binetou's will was to finish school, and to become independent. However the pressure put upon her by her parents was something she couldn't ignore and she married the man. Binetou dropping out of school to marry against will is a prime example of the influence the elders . It directly relates to the next topic within my jurisdiction, which was the financial aspect in relation to power.

The reason Binetou's parents urged her to abandon her education to marry, a wealthy man was simply because that man was wealthy and well off. His financial state was stable and it was strong enough to provide for her. In the Islamic faith, Polygamy (the practice of having more then one wife).

The man wishing to marry Binetou (The husband of the protagonist) was already married to the protagonist. However religion, accepted the adoption of another spouse. The fact that Islam allows this shows the religious aspect of the situation. Islam allows Polygamy I.e. a man can have upto four wives at a time so him being alredy married was not a hindrance. Binetou's parents however, was purely financial. There was no real love or spirituality motives behind it. didn't consider other factors like love, compatibility or Binetou's own personal wishes.


In my presentation of my information and quotes that I found, I spoke on how the aspects stated above influence characters, have an affect on them, and therefore, have a level of power over them. Since , Binetou's will was not to marry, but to continue her education As a result she was bitter towards her husband. She took advantage of the money and privileges offered to her- She might have felt it a companseation for all the sacrifice shae made by marrying the guy. Not only that But, she felt remorse and regret after seeing other young couples enjoying themselves, while she was stuck under the wing of her husband (who was the father of her best friend).

I tried some editting- whatever.. I haven't read the story.