I remember I used to think I was pretty philosophical
I spent a lot of time thinking, topical
I thought I had the world all figured out
Figured I knew what life was all about
I wrote a lot of poems that I thought were deep
All about nature and philosophies I didn't keep
But my climb to maturity has surely been steep
And now looking back, all those words were cheap
I can't believe I could have been so immature
I wrote all of that stuff, but what for?
It was all simulated satisfaction
A desire to be whole when I felt like a fraction
And nowadays I'm submissive, dismissive and cynical
But when it comes to moving on, I am the pinnacle
The best at ignoring, the best at hiding
And the best at finding the silver lining
I remember when my dad cheated on my mom
All of their love, trust, promises: gone
And I was just so angry and my world had been shattered
How could he toss us away like we never even mattered?
Daddy, what happened to "till death do us part?"
Now you're nursing a nurse with a broken heart
And come on dad, what about your three kids?
Couldn't even stay with their mom, God forbid
And did you really think you'd get away with it, given your position?
Being at a magic convention doesn't make you a magician
Your little secret didn't disappear into thin air
Because when you got that phone call that night, I was there
"Who's the other woman, you cheating piece of trash?"
"Honey there is no other woman, you're being rash."
And I remember the night you sat me down for that talk
You must have been worse off than me, pale as chalk
And to this day I wonder if you regret what you did
How you tore apart a family and turned your back on your kids
But don't worry daddy, to this day I still love you
There's not a man in this world that I'd put above you
Because I know you didn't go to all those years of counseling for nothing
Even if you didn't stay for mom, I know you stayed for something
And I truly would like to believe it was me and my brothers
Who made you regret Gretchen, your cheap trick of a lover
I remember when my mom got diagnosed with cancer
And how immediately I figured God was the answer
And every day I'd pray the cancer away
And its still gone today
So I know she's a miracle, but maybe it's medical
Then again this is all theoretical
At the end of the day I'm just happy she's alive
And that she's beating cancer, coming up on year five
Although I wish she wouldn't drink herself to death
But there'll be rum in her blood when she takes her last breath
And I try so hard just to love her when she's sober
But the cycle just repeats, over and over
And I guess looking back, overall it's been great
But it's funny how the woman who taught me to love is also the woman who taught me to hate
But I know that a mothers love is like no other
It's a love that envelopes, a love that smothers
And somedays I do feel like I'm suffocating
Like when you're drunk and being around you is just so frustrating
But I know you'll wake up hungover and ready to love me again
And maybe I too will be ready then
Ready to love and ready to forgive
Because I know you have so much love to give
I remember when I was pretty depressed
When it was nearly impossible to get up and get dressed
When I was a flightless bird dying to leave the nest
And I could hardly breath for the pain in my chest
I remember the night I first picked up a razor
And I hate how to this day there are times when I crave her
But I'm just an addictive personality looking for bad habits
If it hurts me or harms me I need to have it
I need failed relationships and I need broken promises
I need to be reminded of why I don't dabble in dominance
And the worst scars of all are those that are physical
Self inflicted bullshit that just makes me miserable
I hate myself for it but I loved every cut
I mean, am I crazy, or what?
I remember the nights I would cry myself to sleep
And I remember the clean, welcoming taste of bleach
I know I told myself I was trying it just to see if I could
But I wanted to feel sick, because feeling felt good
Feeling was control and control felt amazing
And there was only one way to truly satisfy that craving
Had it gone on longer I'd have tied the knot
But the knot was a noose, who'd have thought?
But those were darker days, I swear
Because in the here and now I have reasons to care
I have people to love and people who love me
I have places to go and things to see
I have a whole life ahead of me, a whole life to live
I have so much talent, time, and compassion to give
I have so much to be thankful for, so many reasons to smile
So before you judge me, take my shoes and walk a mile
At the end of the day, I'm not one for dwelling and I'm not one for whining
I'm all about finding the silver lining
I spent a lot of time thinking, topical
I thought I had the world all figured out
Figured I knew what life was all about
I wrote a lot of poems that I thought were deep
All about nature and philosophies I didn't keep
But my climb to maturity has surely been steep
And now looking back, all those words were cheap
I can't believe I could have been so immature
I wrote all of that stuff, but what for?
It was all simulated satisfaction
A desire to be whole when I felt like a fraction
And nowadays I'm submissive, dismissive and cynical
But when it comes to moving on, I am the pinnacle
The best at ignoring, the best at hiding
And the best at finding the silver lining
I remember when my dad cheated on my mom
All of their love, trust, promises: gone
And I was just so angry and my world had been shattered
How could he toss us away like we never even mattered?
Daddy, what happened to "till death do us part?"
Now you're nursing a nurse with a broken heart
And come on dad, what about your three kids?
Couldn't even stay with their mom, God forbid
And did you really think you'd get away with it, given your position?
Being at a magic convention doesn't make you a magician
Your little secret didn't disappear into thin air
Because when you got that phone call that night, I was there
"Who's the other woman, you cheating piece of trash?"
"Honey there is no other woman, you're being rash."
And I remember the night you sat me down for that talk
You must have been worse off than me, pale as chalk
And to this day I wonder if you regret what you did
How you tore apart a family and turned your back on your kids
But don't worry daddy, to this day I still love you
There's not a man in this world that I'd put above you
Because I know you didn't go to all those years of counseling for nothing
Even if you didn't stay for mom, I know you stayed for something
And I truly would like to believe it was me and my brothers
Who made you regret Gretchen, your cheap trick of a lover
I remember when my mom got diagnosed with cancer
And how immediately I figured God was the answer
And every day I'd pray the cancer away
And its still gone today
So I know she's a miracle, but maybe it's medical
Then again this is all theoretical
At the end of the day I'm just happy she's alive
And that she's beating cancer, coming up on year five
Although I wish she wouldn't drink herself to death
But there'll be rum in her blood when she takes her last breath
And I try so hard just to love her when she's sober
But the cycle just repeats, over and over
And I guess looking back, overall it's been great
But it's funny how the woman who taught me to love is also the woman who taught me to hate
But I know that a mothers love is like no other
It's a love that envelopes, a love that smothers
And somedays I do feel like I'm suffocating
Like when you're drunk and being around you is just so frustrating
But I know you'll wake up hungover and ready to love me again
And maybe I too will be ready then
Ready to love and ready to forgive
Because I know you have so much love to give
I remember when I was pretty depressed
When it was nearly impossible to get up and get dressed
When I was a flightless bird dying to leave the nest
And I could hardly breath for the pain in my chest
I remember the night I first picked up a razor
And I hate how to this day there are times when I crave her
But I'm just an addictive personality looking for bad habits
If it hurts me or harms me I need to have it
I need failed relationships and I need broken promises
I need to be reminded of why I don't dabble in dominance
And the worst scars of all are those that are physical
Self inflicted bullshit that just makes me miserable
I hate myself for it but I loved every cut
I mean, am I crazy, or what?
I remember the nights I would cry myself to sleep
And I remember the clean, welcoming taste of bleach
I know I told myself I was trying it just to see if I could
But I wanted to feel sick, because feeling felt good
Feeling was control and control felt amazing
And there was only one way to truly satisfy that craving
Had it gone on longer I'd have tied the knot
But the knot was a noose, who'd have thought?
But those were darker days, I swear
Because in the here and now I have reasons to care
I have people to love and people who love me
I have places to go and things to see
I have a whole life ahead of me, a whole life to live
I have so much talent, time, and compassion to give
I have so much to be thankful for, so many reasons to smile
So before you judge me, take my shoes and walk a mile
At the end of the day, I'm not one for dwelling and I'm not one for whining
I'm all about finding the silver lining
