Sasuke Poetry

[SQY]

A young boy, smiling they say
The sky was shining blue
But then turned Gray
The smiling Child ran away
Opening the door
Crying they say
Seeing his brother
As his Parents lay

His heart became something so hollow
He was filled with hate, and thus Sorrow
But then his big brother stopped and said
''Foolish little brother. If you want to kill me,
hate me, detest me, and survive in an unslightly way''
As vague as it was, those words were as hard as Clay

Another day, we see him clash
Not with Itachi, but his Rival
But from this, he only became stronger
Wanting just to live longer
To live out his dream
Something to slaughter, something he hated
Something he even created

A lack of Hatred and a lack of will
He was beaten by his brother again
But then a snake approached from the hill
Bit him on the neck, and left him half beaten
But the power he gained was like none before
He then clashed with his Rival again, he was always so lame
Both as powerful as one another
Sasuke just started seeking more power yet again
I will Revive my clan he always said
Hanging by a single thread
He was going to kill his brother
One way
Or Another​

Sorry, I'm new to this stuff Hope you liked it

 

[Lamperouge]

interesting its nice

 

[SQY]

interesting its nice

Thanks

 

[MasterOftheUchiha]

I like it. Nice work

 

[Arcaneos510X]

interesting its nice

this sums it up best.

 

[nj tandi]

Hey,great stuff,that was good!
Two small things though.You were obviously looking for a rhyming word but you used the similie 'hard as clay'. Clay is generally not considered to be a hard substance, infant,it is brittle and breaks easily.However,if you meant to do that, meaning Itachi's words were "brittle', forced, he didn't want to say them, then that's genius!

Also,you said Sasuke's 'dark' heart turned hollow. Sasuke's heart wasn't dark before, he was shown to be quite kind and caring before the Uchiha massacre.

But great job-keep writing!

 

[SQY]

Hey,great stuff,that was good!
Two small things though.You were obviously looking for a rhyming word but you used the similie 'hard as clay'. Clay is generally not considered to be a hard substance, infant,it is brittle and breaks easily.However,if you meant to do that, meaning Itachi's words were "brittle', forced, he didn't want to say them, then that's genius!

Also,you said Sasuke's 'dark' heart turned hollow. Sasuke's heart wasn't dark before, he was shown to be quite kind and caring before the Uchiha massacre.

But great job-keep writing!

Ahh yes and the Clay part was about that, Not lieing, clay is usual soft then hardens up but is still quite breakable,

And the part about the Dark heart I'm going to change, thank you for the help

 

[Cascade]

your meter changes pretty frequently, and it seems like ur giving it up for rhyme,
look up a list of poetic techniques and see how many of them you can incorporate into your next one without damaging Tone, Meter, and story telling xD

Overall a good job, well done. +rep

 

[gordo1]

I'm no poet, but it's good

 

[Tsuki]

It's actually very good for a 1st one

I'm not a good advisor, but the only thing I can say is that you should decided weather to keep it "rhytmique" or no
And keep it up :scorps: