Rate my poem :)

[Naruto X Vasto Lorde]

this is my peom please tell me what you think

Going into the DARKNESS!!! Where PAIN, and SUFFERING, LIE. It grows STRONGER, and STRONGER until you cant take anymore?. Then BOOM! All your ANGER, and RAGE, EXPLODE! Taking over your BODY, and SOUL. While you sit there?. Watching?. UNABLE to do anything. You TRY, and TRY to STOP yourself. And then?. BOOM?. You were too LATE. As you wake up?. BURNING? you look around with TEARS falling from your EYES. As you stand there looking down at your MOTHER, while she holds your DEAD BODY in her arms?. WEAPING while she screams your name?. she looks up?. GLANCING into your eyes? And you say your final words?. I LOVE YOU MOM? she starts to smile and says ?I LOVE YOU TOO?? SILENCE? As you both sit there? WEAPING you know the last few seconds you have in this world draw near. You hear a faint ?GOODBYE? from your MOTHER?S lips, You cry even more As you say GOODBYE back. And out of the cloudy sky?s you see a bright light shine apon you? and you know your time is up. You feel a sudden warmth as you walk towards the LIGHT, knowing that you have found your peace, and happiness.

 

[Adachi]

Well, first of all....this is not poem. I forgot the name for this type of literature work (trust me, I write stuff like this ALL the time...really, really, dark stuff...O___O check the blogs.)
The capitalization was nicely used, emphasizing each action that occurred...
Eclipses are nicely used...(Maybe overused, but hey, I do it all the time...)
A lota emotion applied...O___O Dude, did something happen to make you write this? -___-

 

[Dtoxxdasavvyone]

Good stuff but i think you should put more fluidity to it if you want to call it a poem

 

[Naruto X Vasto Lorde]

yea i was feeling really depressed cuz my ex girlfriend brike up with me... to be honest i started to cry half way through this "poem: or what ever you wanna call it lol

 

[Adachi]

sigh...yeah, that happens...-____-
I'd never had any relationship but a lot of friends have and they usually become real depressed for a while...
Well, I guess writing always works...

 

[Adachi]

Trust me, I cry sometimes through stuff like that...-____- You don't want to see what stuff I've written...

 

[Skylurest]

Not half bad

 

[Spam]

spam would have read it if it want too long, u see spam is lazy

 

[Adachi]

-_____-

 

[Naruto X Vasto Lorde]

Trust me, I cry sometimes through stuff like that...-____- You don't want to see what stuff I've written...

could you show me some??