JirayiaRIPforever
Active member
This is my first FF, So please tell me how i do 
, criticism is okay but i dont wanna be insulted. It takes place at the start of the war.( i changed it around completely though)
i recommend listening to this song while reading but just my opinion!
Prologue: On the hidden island, Bee is training naruto in an attempt to strengthen him to control a tailed beats bomb, meanwhile the allied shinobi forces are preparing to face the akatsuki and tobi, However what they dont know is that tobi has already made the first move:
Chapter one: The training and the Shocking eavesdropper!
"Again Naruto! cmon, you all don? that all the spirit ya got i dont wanna hear it!" Bee continues to taunt Naruto half heartily to get him up. "Im not Done yet Bee! SHadow clone jutsu!" Three shadow clones appear as naruto summons up a rasengan and tries to make it bigger! " COME on we are almost out of time naruto!" Bee yells with pride as he watches naruto form it. Naruto's fox cloak grows as his rasengan increases and completes it. " I DID IT, I REALLY DID IT!" naruto yells this as he runs into a mountain and goes straight through with his new rasengan!
two days pass with naruto training to control his new powers when he finally asks bee if the hachibi is listening and bee tells him of course! " Hey eight tails, wouldn't it be better if i used shadow clones to decrease the time it takes to control this and then i can use them in battle too right?" yes ,but You will not need them once you master this form and it will make it MUCH harder on you and the kyubbi if you use too many shadow clones in this form"
One more day passes while naruto trains to use shadow clones when
he feels dizzy and goes to talk to the ninetails inside him. "hey kyubbi, How many shadow clones can i use in this form?" "i would say about 7 at the moment but don't do it. you are already annoying me by talking so casual So be gone" Naruto ignores the kyubbi's attitude "Thanks a lot nine tails, But like i told you before, one day i would like to be friends with you like the hachibi and bee" Naruto then leaves smiling as the kyubbi shocked and amused simply says "what an odd brat"
BUT then Suddenly Naruto detects an evil presence behind him and see's a blue figure crawling out of the samehada. Naruto runs up to it and attempts to destroy it with his new technique, But at the last moment his jutsu fails and the figure develops a shark fin as it dives in the water and is so fast that naruto cant figure out who it is until He see's it fly through the air as he see's Gai-Sensei using the first 3 gates attack it.
Please tell me how i did, Its only the first chapter.
NEXT TIME: Chapter Two: The Surrounded Jinchuriki!
, criticism is okay but i dont wanna be insulted. It takes place at the start of the war.( i changed it around completely though)i recommend listening to this song while reading
but just my opinion!Prologue: On the hidden island, Bee is training naruto in an attempt to strengthen him to control a tailed beats bomb, meanwhile the allied shinobi forces are preparing to face the akatsuki and tobi, However what they dont know is that tobi has already made the first move:
Chapter one: The training and the Shocking eavesdropper!
"Again Naruto! cmon, you all don? that all the spirit ya got i dont wanna hear it!" Bee continues to taunt Naruto half heartily to get him up. "Im not Done yet Bee! SHadow clone jutsu!" Three shadow clones appear as naruto summons up a rasengan and tries to make it bigger! " COME on we are almost out of time naruto!" Bee yells with pride as he watches naruto form it. Naruto's fox cloak grows as his rasengan increases and completes it. " I DID IT, I REALLY DID IT!" naruto yells this as he runs into a mountain and goes straight through with his new rasengan!
two days pass with naruto training to control his new powers when he finally asks bee if the hachibi is listening and bee tells him of course! " Hey eight tails, wouldn't it be better if i used shadow clones to decrease the time it takes to control this and then i can use them in battle too right?" yes ,but You will not need them once you master this form and it will make it MUCH harder on you and the kyubbi if you use too many shadow clones in this form"
One more day passes while naruto trains to use shadow clones when
he feels dizzy and goes to talk to the ninetails inside him. "hey kyubbi, How many shadow clones can i use in this form?" "i would say about 7 at the moment but don't do it. you are already annoying me by talking so casual So be gone" Naruto ignores the kyubbi's attitude "Thanks a lot nine tails, But like i told you before, one day i would like to be friends with you like the hachibi and bee" Naruto then leaves smiling as the kyubbi shocked and amused simply says "what an odd brat"
BUT then Suddenly Naruto detects an evil presence behind him and see's a blue figure crawling out of the samehada. Naruto runs up to it and attempts to destroy it with his new technique, But at the last moment his jutsu fails and the figure develops a shark fin as it dives in the water and is so fast that naruto cant figure out who it is until He see's it fly through the air as he see's Gai-Sensei using the first 3 gates attack it.
Please tell me how i did, Its only the first chapter.
NEXT TIME: Chapter Two: The Surrounded Jinchuriki!
+ :naruto:= FOREVER!!