Naruto Roppyaku - Naruto 600

wonderwho

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Naruto 600

Chapter 1

After the war, no one knew what happened, they only knew it ended, and the world was almost destroyed, powerfull clans were erased, small vilages destroyed and only the big ones were still there. The end of the war was called year 0. No, they knew something else... They knew Juubi ruled the world with an human form. In that time, Juubi was called Yaka, Yami no kami, meaning God of darkness. In year 234, Yaka was destroyed, once again no one knew what happened, they only knew that the Yaka was divided in 9 spirits, with the personalities of the previous bijuu and jinchuriki together, sealed in nine stars, the Furui hoshi (old stars).

The world recovered and the industrial revolution began around 380.
But the bad dream is coming again, since the Shisai (Priest) appeared in 599, just a few believe that he exists, everyone think he is a legend, he is not real. But what everyone knows is that the world is becoming dark again.

The new Konoha was like the same, but a bit bigger, and very modern, it had a big white mansion at north, the hokage's mansion, it had little house and a lot of trees around the whole town. It's one of the few importat places in the world who isn't full of skyscrappers.

A 14 years old boy was born there, Uchimaki Takeshi, dark eyes, cold expression, black spiky hair, with a leather jacket, white shirt, dark jeans and black boots. This is the story wrotte with his blood.

...

Takeshi was at home when a man called him, he had blue surfist hair, big and grey eyes and was wearing the typpical Jounin outfit: Dark green pants, black shirt, and a dark green jacket with no sleeves and boots and gloves of the same colour as the shirt.

"Takeshi-kun! The Hokage-sama called us for a mission, get ready, we will be taking Yuri."

"Akira-sensei...Those guys at the rice country are still getting atacked by that guy? Wasn't he a legend?" he asked.

"Well maybe, but we shouldn't tell anyone, ya know?" Akira awsered.

"That priest..." said Takeshi with anger "They only told me because I threatened that I would go kill him by myself, and also told some people older than me who are also elite..."

"You are right, but now there is no time, let's get Yuri" Akira was already impatient.

Takeshi got his weapons: two silver guns and some white kunais. Then they went to Yuri's house.

Yuri was in her garden, she was two years older than Takeshi, had yellow and big beautifull hair, and blue eyes. She was wearing a orange dress with a lily drawn on its back and yellow legins.
When she saw Takeshi and Akira she smiled:

"Takeshi-kun! Akira-sensei! Hello!"

Akira smiled a bit too and said:

"Hello, we have a new mission and your healing technique could be very usefull."

Yuri awsered:

"Well... lets go then. I'm ready."

Takeshi:

"Cool, let's go to Rice country, the Shisai will die before even being known by everyone"

"They are just some missing-nin working for him, probably" remembered Akira.

Then Yuri asked to the team leader:

"How are we going"

Akira awsered:

"Wow! Almost forgot, we've got some presents, come with me"

After some time, they were in front of a garage, he opened the door and there were three motorcycles, a black one, a blue one and a orange one, they didn't had wheels.

Yuri screamed of excitement:

"Chakra Rides!"

Takeshi whispered:

"With that it will take less than a day to get there, but we can't use too much chakra, we can need it. Those CR (chakra rides) don't have wheels, we need to create them inserting chakra in it, we can also climb walls with it, it depends of our control over it" Takeshi rememberd something "are they already programed to react only with our chakra?"

Akira explained:

"Yes they are, let's go?"

Yuri and Takeshi both said:

"Lets go!!!"
 
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Train

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The story itself sounds nice, I've always wanted to see a futuristic fic here. I'm actually making one of that genre myself...
I think you need to improve on your grammar though (there were few errors), but then, you said (at the end) you would edit it, so I'm sure you will fix them.
The story sounds interesting. Can't wait for more.
 

Train

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White Kunais sound cool, chakra rides were creative.
I think you should really go over or edit the story though...there are grammatical errors here and there; it'll make a huge difference to the story if you can eliminate as much as possible.
Because I think raiton is awesome, I'd like to see Akira's. But it doesn't really matter, since we'll see both.​
 

kuramaitachdara

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Priest brought darkness? WTF?

The most bullshit i've ever heard.

but cool story overall. change the name though of the "priest" cuz it contradicts itself. unless ur one of those people that fight with church cuz u don't like the light they bring O.O
 
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