Naruto: Regashī | Chapter 1: Returning
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Danielgf04
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Re: Naruto: Regashī
So, you know their meaning then? 
Yeah, thank you very much! That was really helpful!
So, you know their meaning then? Re: Naruto: Regashī
Makoto= Sincerity, Truth
Isamu= Courage, Bravery.
Akemi= Bright and BeautifulYeah, thank you very much! That was really helpful!
Makoto= Sincerity, Truth
Isamu= Courage, Bravery.
Danielgf04
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Transcendence
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Really good! I like how Akemi looks so much like Kushina as well. It seems in this, Naruto is far more calm and relaxed.
Danielgf04
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Yeah! She's really beautiful! =D It's to go with her name (Akemi = bright and beautiful)! XD
Well, when Naruto got back to the village with Jiraya he was calm as well, but then... Well, you know him XD
Danielgf04
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Danielgf04
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Sennin of Logic
Active member
This was as good as any start of a fanfiction can be. It did have me curious who was talking. That got me hooked! Very, very smart idea. Good job!
P.S. 2 Pages! I never got that many even in my best ones!:devil: Guess I'll have 2 whip out my original idea as soon as things aren't so busy.
P.S. 2 Pages! I never got that many even in my best ones!:devil: Guess I'll have 2 whip out my original idea as soon as things aren't so busy.
Danielgf04
Member
I think it's the best way to start something... To build some suspense, you know?
Thank you!hahaha! Don't worry bro! That's just because of the time of the day you upload it, probably... XD
Danielgf04
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soparaamigoseeu
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I'll go through the chapter bit by bit, and end it with an overall thought on it
Okay first up, I see you fixed the thing I mentioned, made it seem and feel more smooth and correct, good job ;D
I see that you chose the story to take place 18 years after the war? This means your story takes place two years after the main events from mine, which takes place 16 years after =p
"???: So, are they far? I’m afraid my scarf will take off with this breeze…" I think you mixed the coloring of this line? =p I guess the "???" should be brown here, not light blue.
Okay, on to the actual review...
First of all, the overall feel to it was good, and I liked the way you narrated! Not bad at all I did however see some grammar mistakes every now and then, but I guess, that as you go on, you will improve here as well. A simple tip, just don't rush the "Polishing/release process" part, as it's often the most important one =)
The characters seems realistic, and the fact that you introduced so many original ones in the first chapter was both a bold and wise move in my opinion. I guess for a start, this was pretty decent, although in my preference, a FF chapter need to be a bit longer xP But seeing as this is just the first one, I guess that's okay (I made "short" ones when I started out too).
And another thing beside what I mentioned introductory, this reminds me a bit of my own in a way, and that is a good vibe I guess. As your story seems to be about returning home, my current plot is about leaving away from home xP
Checking out chapter 2 now.
Okay first up, I see you fixed the thing I mentioned, made it seem and feel more smooth and correct, good job ;D
I see that you chose the story to take place 18 years after the war? This means your story takes place two years after the main events from mine, which takes place 16 years after =p
"???: So, are they far? I’m afraid my scarf will take off with this breeze…" I think you mixed the coloring of this line? =p I guess the "???" should be brown here, not light blue.
Okay, on to the actual review...
First of all, the overall feel to it was good, and I liked the way you narrated! Not bad at all
I did however see some grammar mistakes every now and then, but I guess, that as you go on, you will improve here as well. A simple tip, just don't rush the "Polishing/release process" part, as it's often the most important one =)The characters seems realistic, and the fact that you introduced so many original ones in the first chapter was both a bold and wise move in my opinion. I guess for a start, this was pretty decent, although in my preference, a FF chapter need to be a bit longer xP But seeing as this is just the first one, I guess that's okay (I made "short" ones when I started out too).
And another thing beside what I mentioned introductory, this reminds me a bit of my own in a way, and that is a good vibe I guess. As your story seems to be about returning home, my current plot is about leaving away from home xP
Checking out chapter 2 now.
Danielgf04
Member
Hahaha, obrigado! XDbué fixe
WOW! This was some serious CnC! Thanks a lot! O_OI'll go through the chapter bit by bit, and end it with an overall thought on it
Okay first up, I see you fixed the thing I mentioned, made it seem and feel more smooth and correct, good job ;D
I see that you chose the story to take place 18 years after the war? This means your story takes place two years after the main events from mine, which takes place 16 years after =p
"???: So, are they far? I’m afraid my scarf will take off with this breeze…" I think you mixed the coloring of this line? =p I guess the "???" should be brown here, not light blue.
Okay, on to the actual review...
First of all, the overall feel to it was good, and I liked the way you narrated! Not bad at all
The characters seems realistic, and the fact that you introduced so many original ones in the first chapter was both a bold and wise move in my opinion. I guess for a start, this was pretty decent, although in my preference, a FF chapter need to be a bit longer xP But seeing as this is just the first one, I guess that's okay (I made "short" ones when I started out too).
And another thing beside what I mentioned introductory, this reminds me a bit of my own in a way, and that is a good vibe I guess. As your story seems to be about returning home, my current plot is about leaving away from home xP
Checking out chapter 2 now.
Thanks for pointing that out =D
Do you think it is a smart move releasing chapter 3 either tomorrow or the day after?
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That's what I do! xP And what I expect others to do as well, haha (not referring to anyone particular) XD
No problem
Depends really xP These two chapters are still basking in the sun, so you could wait a bit. But on the other hand, your chapters aren't that big (quite small actually xP), so twice a week might not be bad either... But then again, it crashes with my release week XD So yeah, I dunno
My next one is to be released on Wednesday, so you might want to release yours tomorrow then ;D xD
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Danielgf04
Member
Well, if I would go with 2 chapters a week, I guess it would fit... Last 2 were released last week so... I guess I'll postpone #3... To thursday perhaps...That's what I do! xP And what I expect others to do as well, haha (not referring to anyone particular) XD
No problem
Depends really xP These two chapters are still basking in the sun, so you could wait a bit. But on the other hand, your chapters aren't that big (quite small actually xP), so twice a week might not be bad either... But then again, it crashes with my release week XD So yeah, I dunno
My next one is to be released on Wednesday, so you might want to release yours tomorrow then ;D xD