Manicherryblossom33
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Finally! I'm late again. I had such trouble with this chapter. I wrote it, and rewrote it, and rerewrote it and finally got it right. So sorry for my lateness. Please browse (chapter 38) and be happy!
Naruto Fanfic A future Without You
chapter 38: two years ago part 3
NARUTO'S POV [GENJUTSU FOREST; THE YONDAIMES HOUSE; two years ago]
There are times when you're so eager, anxious, and desperate for something you really want that you're too restless to do anything besides pace.
Naruto had left Hinata's feeling lighter than air even as the rain soaked him to the bone, again, making every step a chore. The first thing he did was go back to Granny and tell her he was fine and that he was going to stay at his parents house all night and all day. If he hadn't, she would have panicked and sent six squads of anbu black ops out to search for him in the storm (kage candidates were often tricked, ambushed, or betrayed shortly before they took the title, so they were under strict guard at all times).
Afterwards, he went home, grabbed as many cup-o-noodles as he could, and ran for it.
By the time he reached his parents’ house, the wind had picked up. It was so forceful that it had nearly carried him into the air more than a dozen times.
He walked in, thinking he had to be beyond hungry after being treated like a sail. But his thoughts drifted back to Hinata, who for all he knew was still alone with Ko in her room. His appetite went on a long vacation, and he settled down in the entry way, dripping water everywhere.
He should've been dead tired, but he felt such a massive adrenaline rush that it was impossible to sleep.
So, without really meaning too, he started reminiscing.
He could remember that first day, after those pesky old prunes told him to keep his mouth shut about ma and pa's history. He had been so angry, especially when everyone already knew who his father was (he was relieved, after the war, when everyone continued to treat him as they always had). But they'd insisted, and although he was rebellious to unnecessary rules and D-rank missions and other things to waste his time on, he couldn't fight it once Granny was on their side.
"Think about future Jinchuuriki!" She'd yelled, her arms crossed. "You're parents' story would reveal vital information!"
She had a point. If he happened to tell Sakura-chan, for example, that Kaa-chan was the kyuubi jinchuuriki before him, and that the nine tails incident on October tenth over a decade ago was due to the fact that the seal weakened during childbirth, and anyone overheard, then all future female jinchuurikis and their children would be in danger.
He knew that! That was why he hadn't told his classmates Kaa-chan's name!
But his freinds were just too smart, and that was the geezers' and Granny's argument. If he slipped up, or if they became too curious, then they would dig for answers and surely find them. Just like when Sakura-chan had spent her free time during the two years she trained with Granny sneaking in and out of Granny's library. Sakura-chan had found even classified documents, the ones explaining what Orochimaru wanted with Sasuke, and that Naruto had nine-tails sealed within him.
So he was forced to keep the history about his birth and his parent's love a secret. Granny then gave him the key to their house, almost as if she were bribing him.
He wasted no time in getting there, only to find it dusty, and he loathed the idea of scrubbing the whole place (it was huge!) all by himself. And he did a mental run-through of all his freinds, trying to think of the right person to help him (he really just wanted to show it to someone, he was too excited not to).
He'd bet a lifetime of ramen that Kakashi-sensei had seen this place a million times already. Sasuke might not care at all. Going to Sakura-chan with something this personal made him feel raw and vulnerable. Sai probably would spend the next month reading a bunch of useless books about what to do if your freinds suddenly come into possesion of their dead parent's homes.
And then he remembered that evening in the woods, where he had talked, actually talked to Hinata about how Sakura-chan had rejected him, and how much it hurt. She hadn't laughed at him, or remained completely silent. And talking to her had felt nice, very refreshing.
He had assumed (though he would never admit it) that Sasuke was the only one he could be honest with (not even on pain of death). Sasuke was one of his less dramatic friends. He didn't overreact to things the way Sakura-chan and the others (excluding Shikamaru and Shino) would. He listened, and nodded, and never looked at Naruto with pity. And these days, though clearly suppressed, Naruto noticed Sasuke treated him with respect.
But Hinata had been different. He hadn't been afraid to tell her the things he was too proud to tell Sasuke because he didn't want to appear weak or sad or guilty. And Hinata accepted these things about him, as if it were natural to feel them, as if it were okay.
Well, now he knew why. She had listened to him moan and groan about Sakura-chan not loving him the way he wanted her too because the way he had felt at that moment was the way she had been feeling for years. And he had been a blind idiot not to notice. He'd nearly lost her!
Or maybe he had. There was no guarantee she was really going to come to him. She might ignore him completely, and stay inside with Ko. HE had her dad's support.
He got up then and started pacing, trying to drive away all the horrible thoughts in his head. Thoughts about Hinata and Ko, which made him feel ill...
He paced faster, back and forth.
He didn't want that. But he wondered why she had hesitated. Why she had asked him to wait until tomorrow, instead of just jumping into his arms right then and there.
And yet, that was a stupid question. It was obvious why. She thought she had guilt-tripped him or threatened him into saying it. Or that he was a greedy pig who didn't want her to belong to anybody, and that he didn't really like her. Or at the least she didn't trust him, not completely. She thought he was lying, either to himself or her or both.
And he really couldn't blame her.
He continued pacing, his legs feeling like jelly.
What if she didn't come at all? What if she was just going to leave him like this, in this huge, quiet house with the pictures of his dead parents peering in at him wherever he stepped and the room with all those baby things that would have been his if things were different?
And as he paced, he looked back at the pictures.
Find someone like me, Kaa-chan had said. Don't fall for the first girl to come along. Find someone like me.
He thought he had chosen right, when choosing Sakura-chan. She was just like Kaa-chan, it was impossible not to notice. And Hinata had been the first girl to come along, in a way.
But if he thought about it, Sakura-chan had been the first girl he'd noticed, and by consequence, the real first girl to come along. And Hinata shared things in common with Kaa-chan too.
Like cooking! Sennin Ji-chan had told him that Kaa-chan was a great cook. So Dad's favorite food was her cooking. And even if she was just like Sakura-chan when she was little (tomboyish, super-strong, impatient, and confident), and even if she carried those traits into adulthood, she developed others. Ma became kind, and sweet, and was easily the most beautiful girl in Konoha (no matter how many times Sasuke may call her ugly!). She had long hair, like Hinata's, even if the colors contrasted. And she often felt insecure around the other girls who liked Dad, and there were a lot of them! There was one in particular, who Sennin Ji-chan had never named, who was beautiful and intelligent and sweet as honey all the way to the core. And Kaa-chan had been good friends with her, so her friendship with this girl and her feelings for Dad made her feel torn, and sad. And one day, it got too bad. But Dad told her that he only looked at her, and things were fine.
Naruto sighed, temporarily ceasing his pace. Maybe he had been wrong to think that Dad would be able to help him with this situation. Dad was never in this situation. He didn't spend most of his life loving one girl then suddenly discover he liked another.
But ma and pa were lucky! They found each other a lot sooner than most people did. And they were soul mates, and they got along well as a couple. They became each other’s strength. Kaa-chan was one of the best medic's in all of Konoha, because To-chan supported her. And To-chan was a good hokage, because Ka-chan supported him.
Naruto started pacing again, only much slower.
So he didn't have Dad's luck when it came to girls. But whether Hinata was similar to Kaa-chan or not, he knew they would have supported him. And if he couldn't have Sakura-chan, then he did want her to get her wish and be with Sasuke (though it did hurt quite a lot) because they were the two people he had been trying to make happy for the longest time.
But Sasuke claimed he didn't want to be with anyone, and he had insisted this included Sakura-chan. He had said the sharingan was an evil power, and he didn't want to restore his clan just so they could be wiped out again.
And then he'd said something that still haunted Naruto, all because Naruto had opened his mouth and asked the most stupid question in the world.
"What? I thought you loved your clan?!" He'd said.
And Sasuke had looked at him then. His expression was blank, and the same would have been said for his eyes if not for the tiniest sliver of torment gleaming in his pupils.
"It's not that." He'd replied. "I just think we would've been much happier without the sharingan. I love my clan... And I like ninjutsu... But if we weren't the Uchiha clan, if we didn't have the sharingan, if we were some other clan, then we... We would have lived better lives."
Naruto had opened his mouth to argue. He was going to say that the sharingan had saved their lives more than a few times. And that Itachi had been quite proud of being Itachi UCHIHA of the hidden leaf. And that his clan deserved more than what they got, and that the sharingan was a gift (not that Naruto wanted it).
But then a thought hit him like a bolt of lightning, and his mouth simply fell open instead of actually producing sound.
He had just remembered his mother, and how she had come from a powerful clan, the Uzumaki. They had been annihilated too, and she had been turned into a jinchuuriki because of her powerful chakra, which had been genetic in her clan.
And he knew that Sasuke had had a point. If Kaa-chan wasn't an Uzumaki, if she hadn't been born with that immense chakra, then would she have lived a better life? A large part of him said no, because then she might not have met Dad. But the other part...
Still though, Naruto could tell that wasn't what Sasuke really wanted. Even if he didn't know it himself, Naruto could see the signs.
Sasuke LIKED Sakura-chan, however miniscule his feelings were. And maybe it was because of his fears about the sharingan, or maybe he was just trying to be a good friend, but he hadn't done anything about his feelings yet.
But that was fine. Sakura-chan had said so herself that he was the only one she loved. And that that wouldn't change. So he had all the time in the world, what with their living in peace and all...
Sasuke was lucky, to have Sakura-chan who would wait until the sun blew up if she had to. Naruto and Hinata had never talked about it, but they both knew that Hinata was popular. That there were other men, a lot of them jonin and chunin, who would love to have her on their arm. And she had nearly gone to one of them.
Or maybe she was going to one now. Maybe she had gone as soon as he'd left her room.
He checked. It was noon. Time had flown by right under his nose!
And she still wasn't here.
He quickened his pace.
He had run out of things to think about, and had now gone back to imagining those horrible scenes of Hinata and Ko together, only now there was Sakura-chan and Sasuke standing next to the Hyuga couple.
And Naruto was in the background, alone.
He froze, mulling this over nervously, then started pacing again, quicker than ever.
If she didn't get here soon then the tortuous mixture of nerves and cold was going to make him hurl. And he couldn't remember ever having thrown up before. He couldn't remember so much as a cough.
This gave him something to think about. What was it like to throw up? Was it like drinking something really nasty and spitting it back out again?
Just then, he remembered. He HAD thrown up before. Once, when Kurama had mentioned THAT—
Unable to take the memories, he rushed to the sink and emptied his stomach.
Afterwards, he panted and rested his head on his left elbow, which was lying on the edge of the sink. A mixture of rain and sweat dripped down his face from behind his hair.
"UGHH..." He moaned. Just. That. One. Memory. If he could forget anything, that one memory would be out of his head faster than one of Iruka-sensei's lectures at the academy. He turned on the water, and hosed the sink down. Turning off the water, he then rested his head on his arm.
KNOCK, KNOCK.
He moaned again, not realizing what he heard. He didn't realize it the second time the noise echoed throughout the quiet house.
But third time's the charm.
His eyes snapped open, widening to the point of headache, and he pushed off the counter without letting go of the edge.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
Four times.
He ran, knocking over one of the table chairs in his haste. It hit the floor at the exact moment when he wrenched the door open.
Hinata's fist hung in the air, having nearly knocked a fifth time. The thought alone made all his worries disappear. Five times. She was planning on knocking five times, maybe more, and in the rain (though it wasn’t as heavy as before, and she was wearing her jacket). Anyone else might have left after the third knock, or gotten impatient.
But she just—!
Without thinking, he took one step and got very, very close to her very, very quickly. He caught himself at the last second, but not before she had squared her shoulders, leaned back on her heels, and turned as red as his mother's hair.
For one brief moment of ignorance, he didn't fully comprehend just what this might have looked like to anyone spying on them (not that there was anyone; he would have noticed). But it dawned on him, then, that this was what it must look like a millisecond before two people... well... kissed.
Because he was THAT close to her, having ducked so he could be on eye level with her. Their noses brushed and their foreheads were a centimeter apart. If he had gotten any closer, their eye lashes would have intermingled, and their lips would have touched, because that was what he had been going for. Stupid, selfish, greedy little idiot that he was! He had been trying to kiss her, but had seen her get all stiff and he panicked and stopped! And he didn't know which was the best reason to kick himself harder than anyone!
He threw himself back, clumsily knocking the back of his head into the doorframe. He didn't say "ow," not aloud anyway; because he was too busy babbling away an apology.
"SorryI'mSorry! I didn't mean to, I mean, I wasn't, Ya know! It's just-- It'sjust--Aaah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry--"
"Naruto-kun!"
And it was so forceful, her tone, which rang with the tiniest bit of annoyance, that he shut up right then and there. He noticed her blush had receded a little, barely grazing the top's of her cheeks, and she was looking to the lower right, his right, and her eyes were shaking. And somehow, it was so very cute it made him forget how to breathe.
"It's fine. REALLY." She said, and her arms twitched as she tightened her grip, causing him to notice the iron kitchen basket with a steaming pot of soup sitting inside it that she was holding.
Hunger hit him as if a meteorite had just crashed into his stomach. As did the fatigue. It seemed he had just spent the last few hours in some miracle chamber where you never got hungry or tired. But it ended as soon as he opened the door.
Whatever! He didn't care. He welcomed the hunger and the fatigue like old friends, and stepped aside to let Hinata in. And he shut the door.
"You should—" She began, but he read her mind and disappeared into his parents room, pulling out the spare set of clothes he kept under their bed for emergencies. It took him less than a moment to change and when he came back he found that she had poured the stew she'd brought over into two bowls.
He wolfed it down and had three more helpings, as she insisted that she was full after her first bowl.
Once he was dry and fed, he collapsed in his chair, leaning over the table with his arms laid out in front of him and the bottom of his chin pressed against the wood.
He'd suddenly realized how tired he was, because he'd shut his eyes for what seemed like a second. However his eyes snapped open later and it felt like hours had passed.
He sat up in alarm, making Hinata jump. He took note that the empty bowls and sauce pan were washed and put away, and that the scene outside his window had gone dark, with some light drizzling.
"How long was I out?" He asked, groggy and fearful.
She met his eyes and held his gaze, looking a tad tired herself.
"A few hours." She replied, and he sank into his chair with a groan of self-contempt.
"I'm sorry." He said, but she shook her head.
"It's alright. You were out cold in seconds!" She said in amazement. "Did you sleep at all last night?"
He shook his head, noticing a blanket slide off his shoulder. He caught it, only slightly surprised, and looked at Hinata questioningly.
She blushed feverishly and looked away. "You were shivering in your sleep."
As if via placebo, he shuddered and pulled the blanket very tightly around him.
"Thank you." He said, sneezing.
She nodded anxiously.
"Umm... Naruto-kun, I..." She began, looking up at him. He met her gaze and understood instantly what she was trying to bring up. But she seemed lost as to where to begin.
"I... I've been thinking a lot about what you said." She said, making him shift uncomfortably. "I..."
She sighed heavily, shakily. He smiled. She really didn't know where to begin.
"What happened after I left?" He asked, smiling in a way that made it obvious he was not trying to pry.
She looked at him cautiously, and her face went somewhat blank. She straightened up.
"Ko wanted to know who I'd been talking to." She began. "He'd heard voices. And he guessed correctly that you'd snuck into my room. So I...I told him I still loved you, and I wasn't sure I wanted to join him after all."
Naruto didn’t let it show on his face, but his insides suddenly felt very cozy, excluding his heart which had turned into a mini-balloon and was bouncing around on the roof of his chest. He couldn't help it. The image of Hinata telling that guy that she still loved him, Naruto, was enough to make him want to jump in the air for joy.
"He looked very hurt." She continued, and he suppressed a snickering chuckle ("HahaHA!" he thought.). "And then he said some very rude things about you. So I asked him to leave. And then... I went to bed. I felt very hollow, and I confess, regretful. I couldn't help picture the most awful things. And I fell asleep, and I had this dream... We were walking, together, holding hands. It was drizzling a warm, summer rain. And the air smelled like flowers. And I said something, I only remember that it was a joke, but you laughed. And I smiled, because I liked how you covered your stomach with your hands and how your hair moved when you laughed. And your eyes were shining like the sky..."
Naruto blushed, feeling very awkward. This sounded like a very nice dream for Hinata to have, but she was saying all this in a sort of breathless, pained, dead voice.
"... And then the rain stopped. And Sakura-chan was standing there, and she was... she was holding a bouquet of cherry blossoms. And she walked right up to you, right past me, as if I wasn't there. And she gave them to you, and then she... She kissed you. And I couldn't breathe. I tried to call out to you, but I couldn't speak. But you were kissing her back. And then the two of you just smiled at each other, the happiest smiles. Like you were meant to be. And then you... You walked off together. And the storm came back, far too quickly. And I was alone...!" She blinked away two tears, gasped, and pressed the lower palm of her hand into her left eye socket. "And it was so horrifying; I forced myself to wake up."
Naruto sat there, the mini-balloon heart having popped in his chest and snuffed out his organs like candles.
"I just lied awake in my futon, and merely a second after I opened my eyes there was a rumble of thunder so loud it made me sit bolt upright and clap my hands over my heart. The rain continued, and I looked out my window and I saw... lightning... and for some reason I started to cry. And my chest felt cramped and my throat narrow and my face felt very hot. I bit my wrist to keep the noise from waking up my clan members--not TOO hard," She added when she a quick wave of panic wash over Naruto and his eyes flitted to her wrist, "And I cried for a long time after that. By the time I stopped, it was early dawn, and I folded my legs to my chest. I thought about so many things, searching for an answer. I remembered that time when I was little, and I'd knocked an older boy's ice cream over. He dragged me into the woods to make me apologize, and you came to my rescue. But then Ko appeared, and took me away, and I just left you lying there. The boys had hit you very hard."
Naruto looked very guilty. He didn't remember that.
"I remembered my mother, and my friendship with Sakura-chan, and with you. I thought about all the time we spent in this house together, and my mind settled on the conversation we'd had about loneliness. How we'd both experienced it. And how it influenced our decisions. And the question that I'd asked you."
A knot clogged Naruto's throat. He remembered. They'd been talking, and then, out of the blue, she'd asked him: "Naruto-kun, are you afraid of being left behind?"
He'd frozen stiff, and looked at her blankly, his head a thousand miles away, recalling Sasuke's defection and ero-sennin's death and the way his parents had jumped in front of him, taking one of Kurama's huge claws right through their stomachs just to save him.
He had winced. Of course the answer was yes, but he'd denied it. Said that would be a wussy fear and laughed it off.
But Hinata had looked at him sympathetically, approached him, eased a kunai he'd been training with out of his hand, and laced their fingers together. And then she'd said: "It's okay. I'm the same."
He remembered thinking at that time just how relieved he was. Relieved and so. Very. Happy.
"We're similar." The current Hinata said, pulling him back to the present. "We're alike in how we can't be alone with our thoughts, or else we dread horrible, impossible things. And we have the same nindo, and we have feelings for each other. But..."
She was crying again, her fists crossed over her chest as her breath caught and she sobbed, blinking the tears away.
"But I don't want to get my heart broken. Not by you." And then she said in a very small, vulnerable voice: "It would crush me."
"You won't get your heart broken!" He said almost instantly, causing her to look at him doubtfully, and he knew she was thinking about the dream she'd had, and believing with all her heart it was a warning.
"Hinata, that dream was just--" He began.
"Could you promise, then?" She asked sincerely. "Could you swear to me that that wouldn't happen?"
"Of course!"
"NARUTO-KUN!" She snapped, making him jump. "I need you to be SURE! I need you to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN. If Sakura Haruno walked in here right now, and told you she loved you more than anybody in the world, and MEANT IT, would you be able to refuse her? Would you only look at me?"
His face went blank, and he leaned back in his chair, and thought deeply.
"I need you to UNDERSTAND." Hinata cried. "I know you can't help how you feel. I know she'll always hold a special spot in your heart. But if you're using me as a replacement for her, if you're only looking my way so long as she isn't looking yours, then--"
"Hold on a second." He said calmly, and she fell silent, looking at him expectantly.
He thought. He thought as hard as he could manage and even harder than that.
And as he thought, he pictured something very similar to Hinata's nightmare, and kept a close watch on the reactions his heart and brain gave when his dream-self walked off with Sakura-chan and left Hinata behind, and he ran through the process again. He imagined being with Sakura-chan, but betraying Hinata in the process, and slowly his brow knit in determination, and his heart and his brain seemed to be agreeing for once.
He reached over and placed a hand over one of Hinata's fists. Slowly, she loosened her grip and allowed him to hold her hand. He locked eyes with her, positive.
"No. No way! There's no way I would ever do that to you!" He said.
He watched as his words reached her, and she frowned, crying. But of relief, of joy.
She was up, knocking into him with such force that the chair tottered, and for a moment he was afraid they would fall. But she was already kissing him and the worry dissipated as he blinked sleepily and kissed her back, reaching up to brush a small bundle of hair behind her ear.
They DID fall over, and he didn't care. Because they were still kissing, even as they fell, and because outside the rain had finally, FINALLY, stopped.
Naruto Fanfic A future Without You
chapter 38: two years ago part 3
NARUTO'S POV [GENJUTSU FOREST; THE YONDAIMES HOUSE; two years ago]
There are times when you're so eager, anxious, and desperate for something you really want that you're too restless to do anything besides pace.
Naruto had left Hinata's feeling lighter than air even as the rain soaked him to the bone, again, making every step a chore. The first thing he did was go back to Granny and tell her he was fine and that he was going to stay at his parents house all night and all day. If he hadn't, she would have panicked and sent six squads of anbu black ops out to search for him in the storm (kage candidates were often tricked, ambushed, or betrayed shortly before they took the title, so they were under strict guard at all times).
Afterwards, he went home, grabbed as many cup-o-noodles as he could, and ran for it.
By the time he reached his parents’ house, the wind had picked up. It was so forceful that it had nearly carried him into the air more than a dozen times.
He walked in, thinking he had to be beyond hungry after being treated like a sail. But his thoughts drifted back to Hinata, who for all he knew was still alone with Ko in her room. His appetite went on a long vacation, and he settled down in the entry way, dripping water everywhere.
He should've been dead tired, but he felt such a massive adrenaline rush that it was impossible to sleep.
So, without really meaning too, he started reminiscing.
He could remember that first day, after those pesky old prunes told him to keep his mouth shut about ma and pa's history. He had been so angry, especially when everyone already knew who his father was (he was relieved, after the war, when everyone continued to treat him as they always had). But they'd insisted, and although he was rebellious to unnecessary rules and D-rank missions and other things to waste his time on, he couldn't fight it once Granny was on their side.
"Think about future Jinchuuriki!" She'd yelled, her arms crossed. "You're parents' story would reveal vital information!"
She had a point. If he happened to tell Sakura-chan, for example, that Kaa-chan was the kyuubi jinchuuriki before him, and that the nine tails incident on October tenth over a decade ago was due to the fact that the seal weakened during childbirth, and anyone overheard, then all future female jinchuurikis and their children would be in danger.
He knew that! That was why he hadn't told his classmates Kaa-chan's name!
But his freinds were just too smart, and that was the geezers' and Granny's argument. If he slipped up, or if they became too curious, then they would dig for answers and surely find them. Just like when Sakura-chan had spent her free time during the two years she trained with Granny sneaking in and out of Granny's library. Sakura-chan had found even classified documents, the ones explaining what Orochimaru wanted with Sasuke, and that Naruto had nine-tails sealed within him.
So he was forced to keep the history about his birth and his parent's love a secret. Granny then gave him the key to their house, almost as if she were bribing him.
He wasted no time in getting there, only to find it dusty, and he loathed the idea of scrubbing the whole place (it was huge!) all by himself. And he did a mental run-through of all his freinds, trying to think of the right person to help him (he really just wanted to show it to someone, he was too excited not to).
He'd bet a lifetime of ramen that Kakashi-sensei had seen this place a million times already. Sasuke might not care at all. Going to Sakura-chan with something this personal made him feel raw and vulnerable. Sai probably would spend the next month reading a bunch of useless books about what to do if your freinds suddenly come into possesion of their dead parent's homes.
And then he remembered that evening in the woods, where he had talked, actually talked to Hinata about how Sakura-chan had rejected him, and how much it hurt. She hadn't laughed at him, or remained completely silent. And talking to her had felt nice, very refreshing.
He had assumed (though he would never admit it) that Sasuke was the only one he could be honest with (not even on pain of death). Sasuke was one of his less dramatic friends. He didn't overreact to things the way Sakura-chan and the others (excluding Shikamaru and Shino) would. He listened, and nodded, and never looked at Naruto with pity. And these days, though clearly suppressed, Naruto noticed Sasuke treated him with respect.
But Hinata had been different. He hadn't been afraid to tell her the things he was too proud to tell Sasuke because he didn't want to appear weak or sad or guilty. And Hinata accepted these things about him, as if it were natural to feel them, as if it were okay.
Well, now he knew why. She had listened to him moan and groan about Sakura-chan not loving him the way he wanted her too because the way he had felt at that moment was the way she had been feeling for years. And he had been a blind idiot not to notice. He'd nearly lost her!
Or maybe he had. There was no guarantee she was really going to come to him. She might ignore him completely, and stay inside with Ko. HE had her dad's support.
He got up then and started pacing, trying to drive away all the horrible thoughts in his head. Thoughts about Hinata and Ko, which made him feel ill...
He paced faster, back and forth.
He didn't want that. But he wondered why she had hesitated. Why she had asked him to wait until tomorrow, instead of just jumping into his arms right then and there.
And yet, that was a stupid question. It was obvious why. She thought she had guilt-tripped him or threatened him into saying it. Or that he was a greedy pig who didn't want her to belong to anybody, and that he didn't really like her. Or at the least she didn't trust him, not completely. She thought he was lying, either to himself or her or both.
And he really couldn't blame her.
He continued pacing, his legs feeling like jelly.
What if she didn't come at all? What if she was just going to leave him like this, in this huge, quiet house with the pictures of his dead parents peering in at him wherever he stepped and the room with all those baby things that would have been his if things were different?
And as he paced, he looked back at the pictures.
Find someone like me, Kaa-chan had said. Don't fall for the first girl to come along. Find someone like me.
He thought he had chosen right, when choosing Sakura-chan. She was just like Kaa-chan, it was impossible not to notice. And Hinata had been the first girl to come along, in a way.
But if he thought about it, Sakura-chan had been the first girl he'd noticed, and by consequence, the real first girl to come along. And Hinata shared things in common with Kaa-chan too.
Like cooking! Sennin Ji-chan had told him that Kaa-chan was a great cook. So Dad's favorite food was her cooking. And even if she was just like Sakura-chan when she was little (tomboyish, super-strong, impatient, and confident), and even if she carried those traits into adulthood, she developed others. Ma became kind, and sweet, and was easily the most beautiful girl in Konoha (no matter how many times Sasuke may call her ugly!). She had long hair, like Hinata's, even if the colors contrasted. And she often felt insecure around the other girls who liked Dad, and there were a lot of them! There was one in particular, who Sennin Ji-chan had never named, who was beautiful and intelligent and sweet as honey all the way to the core. And Kaa-chan had been good friends with her, so her friendship with this girl and her feelings for Dad made her feel torn, and sad. And one day, it got too bad. But Dad told her that he only looked at her, and things were fine.
Naruto sighed, temporarily ceasing his pace. Maybe he had been wrong to think that Dad would be able to help him with this situation. Dad was never in this situation. He didn't spend most of his life loving one girl then suddenly discover he liked another.
But ma and pa were lucky! They found each other a lot sooner than most people did. And they were soul mates, and they got along well as a couple. They became each other’s strength. Kaa-chan was one of the best medic's in all of Konoha, because To-chan supported her. And To-chan was a good hokage, because Ka-chan supported him.
Naruto started pacing again, only much slower.
So he didn't have Dad's luck when it came to girls. But whether Hinata was similar to Kaa-chan or not, he knew they would have supported him. And if he couldn't have Sakura-chan, then he did want her to get her wish and be with Sasuke (though it did hurt quite a lot) because they were the two people he had been trying to make happy for the longest time.
But Sasuke claimed he didn't want to be with anyone, and he had insisted this included Sakura-chan. He had said the sharingan was an evil power, and he didn't want to restore his clan just so they could be wiped out again.
And then he'd said something that still haunted Naruto, all because Naruto had opened his mouth and asked the most stupid question in the world.
"What? I thought you loved your clan?!" He'd said.
And Sasuke had looked at him then. His expression was blank, and the same would have been said for his eyes if not for the tiniest sliver of torment gleaming in his pupils.
"It's not that." He'd replied. "I just think we would've been much happier without the sharingan. I love my clan... And I like ninjutsu... But if we weren't the Uchiha clan, if we didn't have the sharingan, if we were some other clan, then we... We would have lived better lives."
Naruto had opened his mouth to argue. He was going to say that the sharingan had saved their lives more than a few times. And that Itachi had been quite proud of being Itachi UCHIHA of the hidden leaf. And that his clan deserved more than what they got, and that the sharingan was a gift (not that Naruto wanted it).
But then a thought hit him like a bolt of lightning, and his mouth simply fell open instead of actually producing sound.
He had just remembered his mother, and how she had come from a powerful clan, the Uzumaki. They had been annihilated too, and she had been turned into a jinchuuriki because of her powerful chakra, which had been genetic in her clan.
And he knew that Sasuke had had a point. If Kaa-chan wasn't an Uzumaki, if she hadn't been born with that immense chakra, then would she have lived a better life? A large part of him said no, because then she might not have met Dad. But the other part...
Still though, Naruto could tell that wasn't what Sasuke really wanted. Even if he didn't know it himself, Naruto could see the signs.
Sasuke LIKED Sakura-chan, however miniscule his feelings were. And maybe it was because of his fears about the sharingan, or maybe he was just trying to be a good friend, but he hadn't done anything about his feelings yet.
But that was fine. Sakura-chan had said so herself that he was the only one she loved. And that that wouldn't change. So he had all the time in the world, what with their living in peace and all...
Sasuke was lucky, to have Sakura-chan who would wait until the sun blew up if she had to. Naruto and Hinata had never talked about it, but they both knew that Hinata was popular. That there were other men, a lot of them jonin and chunin, who would love to have her on their arm. And she had nearly gone to one of them.
Or maybe she was going to one now. Maybe she had gone as soon as he'd left her room.
He checked. It was noon. Time had flown by right under his nose!
And she still wasn't here.
He quickened his pace.
He had run out of things to think about, and had now gone back to imagining those horrible scenes of Hinata and Ko together, only now there was Sakura-chan and Sasuke standing next to the Hyuga couple.
And Naruto was in the background, alone.
He froze, mulling this over nervously, then started pacing again, quicker than ever.
If she didn't get here soon then the tortuous mixture of nerves and cold was going to make him hurl. And he couldn't remember ever having thrown up before. He couldn't remember so much as a cough.
This gave him something to think about. What was it like to throw up? Was it like drinking something really nasty and spitting it back out again?
Just then, he remembered. He HAD thrown up before. Once, when Kurama had mentioned THAT—
Unable to take the memories, he rushed to the sink and emptied his stomach.
Afterwards, he panted and rested his head on his left elbow, which was lying on the edge of the sink. A mixture of rain and sweat dripped down his face from behind his hair.
"UGHH..." He moaned. Just. That. One. Memory. If he could forget anything, that one memory would be out of his head faster than one of Iruka-sensei's lectures at the academy. He turned on the water, and hosed the sink down. Turning off the water, he then rested his head on his arm.
KNOCK, KNOCK.
He moaned again, not realizing what he heard. He didn't realize it the second time the noise echoed throughout the quiet house.
But third time's the charm.
His eyes snapped open, widening to the point of headache, and he pushed off the counter without letting go of the edge.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
Four times.
He ran, knocking over one of the table chairs in his haste. It hit the floor at the exact moment when he wrenched the door open.
Hinata's fist hung in the air, having nearly knocked a fifth time. The thought alone made all his worries disappear. Five times. She was planning on knocking five times, maybe more, and in the rain (though it wasn’t as heavy as before, and she was wearing her jacket). Anyone else might have left after the third knock, or gotten impatient.
But she just—!
Without thinking, he took one step and got very, very close to her very, very quickly. He caught himself at the last second, but not before she had squared her shoulders, leaned back on her heels, and turned as red as his mother's hair.
For one brief moment of ignorance, he didn't fully comprehend just what this might have looked like to anyone spying on them (not that there was anyone; he would have noticed). But it dawned on him, then, that this was what it must look like a millisecond before two people... well... kissed.
Because he was THAT close to her, having ducked so he could be on eye level with her. Their noses brushed and their foreheads were a centimeter apart. If he had gotten any closer, their eye lashes would have intermingled, and their lips would have touched, because that was what he had been going for. Stupid, selfish, greedy little idiot that he was! He had been trying to kiss her, but had seen her get all stiff and he panicked and stopped! And he didn't know which was the best reason to kick himself harder than anyone!
He threw himself back, clumsily knocking the back of his head into the doorframe. He didn't say "ow," not aloud anyway; because he was too busy babbling away an apology.
"SorryI'mSorry! I didn't mean to, I mean, I wasn't, Ya know! It's just-- It'sjust--Aaah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry--"
"Naruto-kun!"
And it was so forceful, her tone, which rang with the tiniest bit of annoyance, that he shut up right then and there. He noticed her blush had receded a little, barely grazing the top's of her cheeks, and she was looking to the lower right, his right, and her eyes were shaking. And somehow, it was so very cute it made him forget how to breathe.
"It's fine. REALLY." She said, and her arms twitched as she tightened her grip, causing him to notice the iron kitchen basket with a steaming pot of soup sitting inside it that she was holding.
Hunger hit him as if a meteorite had just crashed into his stomach. As did the fatigue. It seemed he had just spent the last few hours in some miracle chamber where you never got hungry or tired. But it ended as soon as he opened the door.
Whatever! He didn't care. He welcomed the hunger and the fatigue like old friends, and stepped aside to let Hinata in. And he shut the door.
"You should—" She began, but he read her mind and disappeared into his parents room, pulling out the spare set of clothes he kept under their bed for emergencies. It took him less than a moment to change and when he came back he found that she had poured the stew she'd brought over into two bowls.
He wolfed it down and had three more helpings, as she insisted that she was full after her first bowl.
Once he was dry and fed, he collapsed in his chair, leaning over the table with his arms laid out in front of him and the bottom of his chin pressed against the wood.
He'd suddenly realized how tired he was, because he'd shut his eyes for what seemed like a second. However his eyes snapped open later and it felt like hours had passed.
He sat up in alarm, making Hinata jump. He took note that the empty bowls and sauce pan were washed and put away, and that the scene outside his window had gone dark, with some light drizzling.
"How long was I out?" He asked, groggy and fearful.
She met his eyes and held his gaze, looking a tad tired herself.
"A few hours." She replied, and he sank into his chair with a groan of self-contempt.
"I'm sorry." He said, but she shook her head.
"It's alright. You were out cold in seconds!" She said in amazement. "Did you sleep at all last night?"
He shook his head, noticing a blanket slide off his shoulder. He caught it, only slightly surprised, and looked at Hinata questioningly.
She blushed feverishly and looked away. "You were shivering in your sleep."
As if via placebo, he shuddered and pulled the blanket very tightly around him.
"Thank you." He said, sneezing.
She nodded anxiously.
"Umm... Naruto-kun, I..." She began, looking up at him. He met her gaze and understood instantly what she was trying to bring up. But she seemed lost as to where to begin.
"I... I've been thinking a lot about what you said." She said, making him shift uncomfortably. "I..."
She sighed heavily, shakily. He smiled. She really didn't know where to begin.
"What happened after I left?" He asked, smiling in a way that made it obvious he was not trying to pry.
She looked at him cautiously, and her face went somewhat blank. She straightened up.
"Ko wanted to know who I'd been talking to." She began. "He'd heard voices. And he guessed correctly that you'd snuck into my room. So I...I told him I still loved you, and I wasn't sure I wanted to join him after all."
Naruto didn’t let it show on his face, but his insides suddenly felt very cozy, excluding his heart which had turned into a mini-balloon and was bouncing around on the roof of his chest. He couldn't help it. The image of Hinata telling that guy that she still loved him, Naruto, was enough to make him want to jump in the air for joy.
"He looked very hurt." She continued, and he suppressed a snickering chuckle ("HahaHA!" he thought.). "And then he said some very rude things about you. So I asked him to leave. And then... I went to bed. I felt very hollow, and I confess, regretful. I couldn't help picture the most awful things. And I fell asleep, and I had this dream... We were walking, together, holding hands. It was drizzling a warm, summer rain. And the air smelled like flowers. And I said something, I only remember that it was a joke, but you laughed. And I smiled, because I liked how you covered your stomach with your hands and how your hair moved when you laughed. And your eyes were shining like the sky..."
Naruto blushed, feeling very awkward. This sounded like a very nice dream for Hinata to have, but she was saying all this in a sort of breathless, pained, dead voice.
"... And then the rain stopped. And Sakura-chan was standing there, and she was... she was holding a bouquet of cherry blossoms. And she walked right up to you, right past me, as if I wasn't there. And she gave them to you, and then she... She kissed you. And I couldn't breathe. I tried to call out to you, but I couldn't speak. But you were kissing her back. And then the two of you just smiled at each other, the happiest smiles. Like you were meant to be. And then you... You walked off together. And the storm came back, far too quickly. And I was alone...!" She blinked away two tears, gasped, and pressed the lower palm of her hand into her left eye socket. "And it was so horrifying; I forced myself to wake up."
Naruto sat there, the mini-balloon heart having popped in his chest and snuffed out his organs like candles.
"I just lied awake in my futon, and merely a second after I opened my eyes there was a rumble of thunder so loud it made me sit bolt upright and clap my hands over my heart. The rain continued, and I looked out my window and I saw... lightning... and for some reason I started to cry. And my chest felt cramped and my throat narrow and my face felt very hot. I bit my wrist to keep the noise from waking up my clan members--not TOO hard," She added when she a quick wave of panic wash over Naruto and his eyes flitted to her wrist, "And I cried for a long time after that. By the time I stopped, it was early dawn, and I folded my legs to my chest. I thought about so many things, searching for an answer. I remembered that time when I was little, and I'd knocked an older boy's ice cream over. He dragged me into the woods to make me apologize, and you came to my rescue. But then Ko appeared, and took me away, and I just left you lying there. The boys had hit you very hard."
Naruto looked very guilty. He didn't remember that.
"I remembered my mother, and my friendship with Sakura-chan, and with you. I thought about all the time we spent in this house together, and my mind settled on the conversation we'd had about loneliness. How we'd both experienced it. And how it influenced our decisions. And the question that I'd asked you."
A knot clogged Naruto's throat. He remembered. They'd been talking, and then, out of the blue, she'd asked him: "Naruto-kun, are you afraid of being left behind?"
He'd frozen stiff, and looked at her blankly, his head a thousand miles away, recalling Sasuke's defection and ero-sennin's death and the way his parents had jumped in front of him, taking one of Kurama's huge claws right through their stomachs just to save him.
He had winced. Of course the answer was yes, but he'd denied it. Said that would be a wussy fear and laughed it off.
But Hinata had looked at him sympathetically, approached him, eased a kunai he'd been training with out of his hand, and laced their fingers together. And then she'd said: "It's okay. I'm the same."
He remembered thinking at that time just how relieved he was. Relieved and so. Very. Happy.
"We're similar." The current Hinata said, pulling him back to the present. "We're alike in how we can't be alone with our thoughts, or else we dread horrible, impossible things. And we have the same nindo, and we have feelings for each other. But..."
She was crying again, her fists crossed over her chest as her breath caught and she sobbed, blinking the tears away.
"But I don't want to get my heart broken. Not by you." And then she said in a very small, vulnerable voice: "It would crush me."
"You won't get your heart broken!" He said almost instantly, causing her to look at him doubtfully, and he knew she was thinking about the dream she'd had, and believing with all her heart it was a warning.
"Hinata, that dream was just--" He began.
"Could you promise, then?" She asked sincerely. "Could you swear to me that that wouldn't happen?"
"Of course!"
"NARUTO-KUN!" She snapped, making him jump. "I need you to be SURE! I need you to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN. If Sakura Haruno walked in here right now, and told you she loved you more than anybody in the world, and MEANT IT, would you be able to refuse her? Would you only look at me?"
His face went blank, and he leaned back in his chair, and thought deeply.
"I need you to UNDERSTAND." Hinata cried. "I know you can't help how you feel. I know she'll always hold a special spot in your heart. But if you're using me as a replacement for her, if you're only looking my way so long as she isn't looking yours, then--"
"Hold on a second." He said calmly, and she fell silent, looking at him expectantly.
He thought. He thought as hard as he could manage and even harder than that.
And as he thought, he pictured something very similar to Hinata's nightmare, and kept a close watch on the reactions his heart and brain gave when his dream-self walked off with Sakura-chan and left Hinata behind, and he ran through the process again. He imagined being with Sakura-chan, but betraying Hinata in the process, and slowly his brow knit in determination, and his heart and his brain seemed to be agreeing for once.
He reached over and placed a hand over one of Hinata's fists. Slowly, she loosened her grip and allowed him to hold her hand. He locked eyes with her, positive.
"No. No way! There's no way I would ever do that to you!" He said.
He watched as his words reached her, and she frowned, crying. But of relief, of joy.
She was up, knocking into him with such force that the chair tottered, and for a moment he was afraid they would fall. But she was already kissing him and the worry dissipated as he blinked sleepily and kissed her back, reaching up to brush a small bundle of hair behind her ear.
They DID fall over, and he didn't care. Because they were still kissing, even as they fell, and because outside the rain had finally, FINALLY, stopped.
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