Naruto: A New Legacy

[Itachi9695]

Before I begin I would like to say some things
1. I came up with this title a long time ago so no one can say i stole someone's title
2. I will accept new fan characters but you must post their stats (appearance, attitude, interests, what they dislike, and of course their name, etc.)
3. Please give me any suggestions to help make this story better
4. Also note this is my first fanfiction on any forum in a long time
5. The storyline was begun by me and someone i used to chat with, so were the name of the original characters
6. when I put text inside of asteriks it means it's a thought

Chapter 1​

Setting: A field by the Ninja Academy

Tauto: (inhales) Ahh... fresh air. (hears the bell that starts classes) Oh man, not again! (runs to class but arrives too late)
Kiba: Tauto, this is the 2nd time you've been late this week. One more time and I'm calling your parents!
Tauto: (sits in his seat and sees a new girl in class) *She must have just transferred to this class*
Kiba: Today, we're going over the Shadow Clone Jutsu
Tauto: *Oh, man that's my worst jutsu, I'll never pass*
Kiba: Tauto, why don't you go first?
Tauto: *Drat!* (walks to the front of the class and attempts a shadow clone, but instead, it turns out to be a centaur looking thing, then looks at Kiba) I failed, didn't I?
Kiba: Hmm... how to sum it up...Yes!
Sayla(New Girl): *Man... he sucks*
Kiba: Why don't we have our new girl, Sayla, come up and demonstrate?
Sayla: (goes to front and makes a perfect shadow clone)
(After school)
Kiba: Class dismissed.
(Claas leaves except Sayla)
Kiba: Sayla, I found this with your stuff, (hands her a note) could you read it if it's not too personal. I saw it was from your father, Sasuke.
Tauto: (stops outside the door)
Sayla: (reads note that says: Dear Sayla, I'm going away again, but for power this time. Your father, Sasuke.)
Kiba: Oh no! Not again!! (calls Naruto) Naruto, Sasuke's runnig away again, we have to go after him now!
Naruto: Okay, I'll meet you at the gate.
(both hang up)
Kiba: (runs out the door)

To be continued...

 

[itachiizalive]

great start but this anime will only work if naruto can bring sasuke back lol
n i got some ideas

 

[Itachi9695]

great plz tell me i'm open 2 any ideas as long as they don't totally screw up my original story

 

[Itachi9695]

alright moving on

Chapter 2​

(Sayla starts walking out the door)
Tauto: So, your father is the famous Sasuke Uchiha, huh?
Sayla: Y... Hey wait a minute aren't you that guy who can't pull off a shadow clone?
Tauto: Yep, that's me. I must have inherited my father's Academy abilities.
Sayla: So, who is your father anyway?
Tauto: Naruto Uzumaki.
Sayla: Well, it seems we share at least one thing in common, we have pretty famous fathers.
Tauto: I guess so. What do you wanna do about your father I heard he's going for more power.
Sayla: I guess we wait.
Tauto: What? Are you crazy?! The last time your father went for power it was to kill your uncle for a reason that was only half true. We have to go after him.
Sayla: Oh, and how may I ask will we find them?
Tauto: Gimme a sec. (does hand signs) Summoning Jutsu!! (slams hand on ground and summons a black cat)
???: What is it now? And who's the chick?
Tauto: Look you know my father's scent right Shadow? I need you to track him.
Shadow: Yeah, Yeah. (sniffs)
Sayla: A cat? Lemme get this straight you can summon a cat but you can't pull off the Shadow Clone Jutsu.
Tauto: Yeah, I guess I'm weird like that.
Shadow: Found him. He's moving quickly, but I think we can catch up if we try.
Tauto: Lead the way.
(All run following Shadow until the reach an open space in the forest where Sasuke, Naruto, and Kiba are already there)
Sasuke: Looks like we have visitors. Hello my daughter.
Naruto: Son! What are you doing here go back to the village!
Sayla: We came to find out exactly how he's going to gain this power.
???: It's been a while...Naruto Uzumaki.
Naruto: That voice...it can't be...Orochimaru?
Orochimaru: Yes, appearently my power was too much for poor Kabuto to handle.
Sasuke: Well, there's your answer. Now my daughter to prevent distraction, I must kill you. *Ox, Rabbit, Monkey* Chidori! (charges at Sayla)
Tauto: NOOO!!! (jumps in the way and is hit by the Chidori)
Sayla: (gasps in shock) Why?
Tauto: You're the only friend I have. (coughs up blood) I can't bear to lose you.

To be continued.

Please again I note that I am still open to ideas and other characters thnx.

 

[itachiizalive]

well lemme hear the original story line so i can create some stuff that will compliment the story line

 

[Itachi9695]

basically as long as you don't stray off the path of "meet new friends and enemies then defeat Orochimaru" you're set

 

[UR NOT EVEN MLG]

Im imagining all this as i read it and to tell the truth i dont really like it. Andy? That reminds me of toy story.... As for all the conflict thats happening it sounds kinda dumb. I mean naruto should have at least tried to block that chidori... And the reason why sasuke has to kill his daughter is just plain dumb. Sorry i dont like it. No disrespect.

 

[Nikkou Arashi]

I can't help it. This is funny!!!
You're so mean UR NOT EVEN MLG, but I certainly agree with you.
No offense, Itachi9695. I'm not a good writer, but I'm a good reader. You have great English. I'm sure you can do better.
Just go ahead with your story. This is just the beginning though. And I know that every story has its own ways to begin.
I think you have something up on your sleeves that will surprise us later. Just continue, okay? :doug:

 

[Itachi9695]

ok to reply to UR NOT EVEN MLG I would just like to say I came up with the name for Andy a long time ago and I'm not very good at coming up with Japanese sounding names. most of the other "fan characters" names were made up by the person i used to chat with who helped me come up with this storyline. as for Naruto not trying to block it, well the only answer i can tell you is he was in in a shock that Andy wouldn't listen to him. To Nikkou Arashi you're right this is only the beggining of a somewhat long storyline and you probably won't have to worry about surprises, plenty of those are coming. now to continue, oh and btw the only reason I'm splitting this chapter into 2 parts is because it would take me way too long to type everything I want to type on one post

Chapter 3a​

Sasuke: Well, well, well...the son of the knucklehead jumps in. (makes an evil smile) Hm... You belong over there. (Throws Tauto against a tree)
Sayla:No!!!
Sasuke: Now then let's try this again...CHIDORI!!!!!
Naruto: Grr...RASENGAN!!!!
(the jutsus collide and cause an explosion sending everyone backwards as Naruto quickly grabs Tauto)
Kiba: Let's retreat!
(All 4 retreat into the forest)
Orochimaru: Come now, we must make you more powerful than any shinobi ever was.
(Orochimaru and Sasuke go toward their hideout)
(Back at Konoha Hospital)
(Sakura walks out of the room)
Sayla: Will he be allright?
Sakura: He's doing fine, I've healed the wound, but it'll take some time for him to completely heal.
(A sand shinobi walks in)
Naruto: Wait a minute, who are you and why are you here
?????: I am Arata, son of Gaara
Naruto: Well, Arata how's he doing?
Arata: He says hi does that answer you're question?
Naruto: I guess so, but I know you wouldn't travel three days just to say hello, what are you really doing here?
Arata: I've been assigned to a Konoha squad.
Naruto: Why?
Arata: It's an effort to try and keep peace between our villages
(Kiba walks in)
Kiba: Good, all three of you are here even though the third person happens to be in a hospital bed.
Sayla: What are you talking about?
Kiba:Sayla you're on a squad with Tauto and Arata. You're leader is Neji Hyuga, you will meet him a week from now at Training Ground 7.

To be continued...

again I will accept ideas to make this story even better

 

[Itachi9695]

all right i can barely continue on with this anymore but i might come back after i've collected ideas. Meanwhile i am going to post a new fanfic u can search for naruto-dbz and find it after i've posted it so i'm taking a break from this story for now. i might come back and finish since it's incomplete and all if anyone can come up w/ a better name 4 naruto's son (that's Andy btw) i need something a bit better than that and i would like ppl 2 send me new fan characters plz.

 

[Wesobi]

I have two points of criticism.

1) It would be better to give people one longer chapter rather than short pieces like this all the time. It gives a more professional impression, and in my opinion keeps you waiting for the next chapter on the tip of your chair.

2) I'd recommend using some kind of system to better show the different character. I, for example use different coloured names (credit goes to Michael92, I got it from him). This makes it easier to read and to see who is talking.

Other than that, take your time and don't write too many chapters too soon after eachother, for people will expect too much, and the best chapters take a while to write.

Your grammar on the other hand is good, in my opinion.

I hope this helps, good luck and keep doing what you do best!

 

[uzumakikenshin]

this is good i think... the only thing that bothers me is the fast showing of different characters wherein the first set of characters cant leave their marks onto the readers.. but good story plot.. though i LOL when i've seen orochimaru's name.. hahahaha!

keep me posted please...

 

[Itachi9695]

thnx 4 the tips guys i'll definitely take all this into consideration during the next chapter and I've just edited everything to make the name sound a little more Japanese and given every1 a set "name color", thanks for that goes to Wesobi. And to uzmakikenshin, Now that I look back on this, you're right, I think I'm trying 2 speed this up 2 much, I'll try to slow things down a bit to help the characters leave their impressions on you. thnx again guys.