Naruto 600 Chapter 2

wonderwho

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Chapter 2

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Chapter one is here:

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They were almost there, two gray towers, the symbol of the rice country, could be seen in the horizon.

In the moment they entered the country, three ninjas with black clothes appeared, they had their faces covered, only the eyes could be seen. Akira and his team stopped and dismounted their horses. Yuri said:

“Who are you? Let us pass”

One of them, the one with red eyes and red hair. He was the one to awser:

“We are the Shisai no senshi (Priest warriors*) and we will defeat you, you can't advance more than this”

The other two, a bald guy and other with long brown hair started running torwards Akira and Yuri.
The bald one atacked Yuri using a chakra shot of a small bazooca, but she easily defended using a water shield:

“Suiton: Suijinheki (water release: water encampment wall*)”

The other one, with long hair used a lighting technique to atack Akira with a lighting ball:

“You won't pass! Raiton: Raikyu (lighting release: lighting ball*)

Akira easily countered using cutting the lighting ball with a hilt of a sword with no blade where he created a katana-like blade made of a blue laser.

“A raiton user just like me?”

Yuri said:

“Hey, lets fight one on one” After saying that she oppened a beautifull orange box of the size of her hand and her Chakra Ride was sealed in it. “Seal yours too” Akira and Takeshi did the same using their own boxes, Akira's box was blue and Takeshi's box was black. “Now! Go!”

Yuri started running to east, Akira to west and Takeshi stayed in the same place. Fighting one on one was a good plan because we don't know their abilities... If they had some team tactic it would be harder. Hope they can handle the opponent.

After a minute running, they were already far from each other. Akira was in front of the long hair's guy, who was ready to atck him. Akira was expecting another atack, but he just stayed looking at him. Akira's hilt was already deactivated, but he used his chakra to create the laser blade once again, and then spits a spear of lighting to atack the enemy:

“Raiton: Gian Yari (Lightning Style: False Darkness Spear*)”

The enemy saw the lighting spear coming and countered creating a shield:

“Raiton: Kyūshū taihō (Lighting release: Absorving cannon*)”

After absorving the raiton jutsu Akira used, the shield turned into a cannon made of lightining and it shoot Akira. Akira didn't had time to use a new jutsu so he just used the laser blade of his misterious hilt.

“You won't kill me that easy...” He said

“That blade... it's not raiton... What is that?” The enemy looked suspicious.

“You figured it out. It is lighting in a advanced form, laser release, I call it Rezaton” The blade started getting bigger” I can control it with bare hands but this hilt is just too cool.”

“Good for you, but you charged my cannon, with a good jutsu, so I can shoot one more time! Take this!” The enemy said this and the cannon shoot a big lightining ball.

“You are too careless! My laser will always surpass your normal lighting! It's pure eletricity, but a lot of it. Rēzā satsugai kiba (Lase killer fang*)! ” Just by moving his sword he launched a wave of cutting laser to the enemy, cutting him in half “Ok, a lighting clone huh? You know, I just hate people hiding behind me. GET OFF!!! ” He used the sword to atack the enemy, who was behind him, cutting his arm off.

“Dammit!” the enemy screamed “looks like I can't win... But we will both die! Raiton: kage bushin no jutsu” He made four clone of himself. Then the real one did a new jutsu:

“Raiton: Seimei no Kyūshū taihō (Lighting release: Absorving cannon of life*)” A shield was created like before, but now around the whole body of the user. Then the clones started shotting lighting balls to the shield. After the shield being hitted with nine atacks, the shield starts taking form of a giant cannon pointing at Akira. The three clonnes also turned in raiton chakra and charged the cannon.

“You will use your own body to armazenate all that power and shoot at me? That's going to kill yourself and destroy the area around!” said Akira.

“But you will die! For Shishai's goal. Shoot!!!” The cannon shoot a big attack made of raiton chakra and the cannon itself was part of that attack.

“Rezaton: Furasshu satsuei (laser release: flash shot*)” a big laser came out of the hilt where first there was the laser blade, countering the lightining and making it disperse, and destroying the body of the almost dead enemy.

“Now let's just go help Yuri!” Akira was tired but he needed to save the team mates.

“Not so fast!” A new enemy appeared...he was unmasked, had orange long hair and light blue eyes. He had a tatto of a chinese dragon in the left side of his face “I have something to do here first.”

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Comment and rate. thanks

And my thanks to Train, the user who is trying to help me with my errors XD
 
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naruto kyuubi

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Well yes colour is required bt more than that its the different angles that are required.instead of just flat fighting.u can include some drama some emotional involvement.random flashbacks will be nice
 

Reborn

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I gave this a 7/10.

It was good, I liked the first chapter a little better but this one did a pretty good job IMO. When regarding "flavor" as some of the others have mentioned, I believe they're refering to the aspects like the battle. It's a little too lifeless if you ask me. What I'm saying is you're displaying a straight through battle with: this character doing this and that character doing that. You add the dialogue in there pretty well, but in a battle with unknown opponents, it would fit better if they had some sort of upper hand that caught the protagonists off guard a little, and caused some damage.

I like the cliffhanger you left for the next chap, with the new opponent entering the scene though. I also like the laser release you gave in there and the new elements that you seem to be introducing to this modern narutoverse you've created.

If I could make a suggestion, I would say to add some more life into your story (some deeper descriptions of battles, and later events in your story). Idk if you're going to focus beyond the primary point of the story (which I assume involves the priest that seems to be the angatonist), but it would be good to have those few tangents/side events that help develop the characters or introduce a secondary aspect of the series that conflics/collides or builds up the primary focus of the series you're writting...

This is your second chapter of this series and it does look interesting, I look forward to reading more.
 

wonderwho

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I gave this a 7/10.

It was good, I liked the first chapter a little better but this one did a pretty good job IMO. When regarding "flavor" as some of the others have mentioned, I believe they're refering to the aspects like the battle. It's a little too lifeless if you ask me. What I'm saying is you're displaying a straight through battle with: this character doing this and that character doing that. You add the dialogue in there pretty well, but in a battle with unknown opponents, it would fit better if they had some sort of upper hand that caught the protagonists off guard a little, and caused some damage.

I like the cliffhanger you left for the next chap, with the new opponent entering the scene though. I also like the laser release you gave in there and the new elements that you seem to be introducing to this modern narutoverse you've created.

If I could make a suggestion, I would say to add some more life into your story (some deeper descriptions of battles, and later events in your story). Idk if you're going to focus beyond the primary point of the story (which I assume involves the priest that seems to be the angatonist), but it would be good to have those few tangents/side events that help develop the characters or introduce a secondary aspect of the series that conflics/collides or builds up the primary focus of the series you're writting...

This is your second chapter of this series and it does look interesting, I look forward to reading more.
Your comment really helped me, I added some feellings to the next battle
 
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