Naruto — The Hurricane Comedy
#2: Frightening Lightning!
The following piece is rated PG for Language. Please reconsider before going any further. You have been warned.
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#2: Frightening Lightning!
The following piece is rated PG for Language. Please reconsider before going any further. You have been warned.
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On the last issue of Naruto — the Hurricane Comedy, the Five Kages arrived at the G20 Summit. After pointless talk and much debate, things took an unexpected turn when it became apparent that Sasuke Uchiha had infiltrated the Land of Iron. Will he be able to run rogue and keep up his terrible activities? Find out... right now!
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Sasuke, Karen, Jiggy and Siggy (better known as Team Hawk) were hidden well — right behind a pillar in the Summit actually. Too bad the Samurai guards couldn't just... turn around. Seriously, is that hard?
Sasuke: *whispering* Don't make a sound, okay?
Karen: What?! Speak up, damn it!
Too late. Her loud mouth and attitude had got them caught. The Samurai were quick to spring into action. But Sasuke is quicker. In a flash, he took quickly takes them down one by one.
Sasuke: You caught me at a real bad time. Jiggy, on my left. Siggy, take my right. Karen, you hide and do your thing.
Karen: Sensing chakra?
Sasuke: I was gonna' say being useless.
Karen: *shrugs* Same thing actually.
More Samurai arrive at the scene, and Sasuke lunges in for the kill. Meanwhile, Raikage A-kon and his bodyguards are running through the Summit, searching frantically for their target.
A-kon: Shee, where Sasuke at?
Shee: He's... right below us, actually.
A-kon: *powering up* Boys, we goin' down!
They weren't the only ones going down. Sasuke seemed to be more of a match for the Samurai. All looked fine and dandy until...
Karen: *gasps* Something's coming! And it's big!
Siggy: That's what she said!
Karen: *sarcastic* Funny... and you know what else is funny?
Before Siggy can even open his mouth, Karen kicks him in the groin. Hard. Ouch! The ceiling suddenly explodes with a loud Boom! Rubble and smoke cover the area as everyone (alive) tries to sheild themselves. When the mess clears, Raikage A-kon emerges. Beside him, an elevator opens with a PING sound and Shee and Darui step out.
Darui: See. Taking the lift is much better than smashing through the floor.
The two bodyguards stand in line as A-kon gives Sasuke the ultimate death stare. Sasuke returns the favor and it is clear that the two are about get rough and rowdy! Jiggy and Siggy run over to help Sasuke out... apparently.
Jiggy: *determined* Don't worry, Sasuke, I'm here for you.
Siggy: I ain't! Look at that guy, he's huge! I'm outta' here! *runs off*
Jiggy: Uh... hehe... Well, I'm still here. Now that guy *points to A-kon* may be bigger than you and taller than you, and older than you and stronger than you. His arms might be a bit longer than you, but you know *points to Sasuke* he ain't on a JB song with you!
Sasuke: What the hell are you talking about?!
Jiggy: *nervously* I... I dunno, I told you I have problems, hehe.
A-kon: Eva' seen a black Super-Sayain, boy?
Sasuke: *activating his Sharingan* No, not really.
A-kon: Well, you about to see one now! I'ma smack the chap off yo' lips!
A-kon throws off his cloak (which lands directly on Shee) and electricity surrounds him, making him look like a black Goku with a fresh, new haircut. But before he can proceed any further, Darui steps forward. He holds out a hand, clearly determined to stand up for his master.
Darui: Boss, I'll handle him with one of my ultimate moves.
Shee: *gasps* Darui! You're not going to—
Darui: That's right! Disco Style: Breakdancing Ulterior!
Darui hits the battlefield (or dancefloor now) and commences with some of the slickest hip-hop moves known to mankind. He backflips, he krumps, he pops and locks! He even spins on his head so fast that it literally carves a hole into the ground.
Shee: *shielding his eyes* Even the Yellow Flash had trouble with that move.
Sasuke's Sharingan seems to be struggling to keep up. Jiggy seems to be on the verge of insanity.
Jiggy: *struggling to shield himself* I... can't... take it... m...much longer!
Sasuke: *also struggling* Be... strong, Jiggy! His sophisticated swagger is no... match for... our... determination!
Darui finishes off with a front-flip, which literally blows the area away.
Jiggy: *exhausted* My turn... now! Ballet Style: Graceful Swan—
Sasuke: *panting* No! No more dance moves!
Jiggy: *sighs* Fine. Curse Seal Level 2 then.
As casually as he said it, Jiggy transforms into Level 2 form and lunges at the Raikage, who doesn't look intimidated at all.
A-kon: Ghetto Style: Pimp Smack!
A-kon gives Jiggy a powerful backhand and sends him flying a few meters before crashing into a wall. One down, one to go! He focuses his eyes on Sasuke, before launching at him with top speed. Sasuke dodges and counters with Chidori, aiming for the Raikage's heart. Splat! But A-kon doesn't feel a thing.
Sasuke: *trying to break free* What the... What the hell are you?!
A-kon: *smirks* Muscles and steroids, boy! *lifts Sasuke up and throws him at a wall.*
Crash! Sasuke gets on his feet again and activates his Mangekyo Sharingan. He sends Amert... Ameter... Oh, to hell with it! He sends Black Flames at the Raikage, who - instead of doing the smart thing and dodging it - runs straight for the attack. Luckily, the scene is disrupted by the timely arrival of none other than the Kazekage Gaara and his two siblings/bodyguards.
Gaara: *casually* Does anyone know where the bathroom is? Sitting in that room for two hours really makes a Kazekage tense and... *sees Sasuke and becomes shocked* By the Ray-bans of Aoba! Sasuke, is that you?
Sasuke: *waves* Hey, Gaara! Long time, man.
Gaara: Haha, yeah. Haven't seen you since the Chuunin Exams. How you been?
Sasuke: *bashfully* Ah, you know. Evil, here and there. Plotting world domination, hehe. You?
Gaara: Ah, yeah, cool. Well, I became Kazekage. Nothing else, really.
Sasuke: Nice! Congratulations, man.
Everyone else seems to be utterly confused and disturbed while this conversation is going on. Temari decides to break it up.
Temari: *leans over and whispers* Uh... Gaara, you do realise he is an internationally wanted criminal, right?
Gaara: *shocked* He is?! Well... no-one told me. Hmph.
Kankuro: What do you mean no-one told you?! Don't you read the newspapers?
Gaara: *amazed* We have newspapers?!
Temari: *sighs* Just attack, please?
Gaara: Fine... hey, where'd he go?
Clever Sasuke had used the diversion to escape, along with Karen. The rest of them seemed outraged that their target got away.
Shee: He escaped! Thanks alot, Kankuro!
Kankuro: *baffled* Me?! Gaara's the one who—
Temari: We're all very disappointed in you, Kankuro.
Gaara: Yeah, nice going.
A-kon: I should smack the sand outta' yo ears!
Kankuro slumps onto the ground, knowning he can't argue. Meanwhile, back at the General Discussion Room 24, Tsuchikage Oinky seems to be telling Ao (who isn't even listening) his life story.
Oinky: So then I said, listen pal, you can walk the walk but can you Kekkei the Genkai?
Ao: *half-asleep* Uh-huh. And then what happened?
Oinky: Then I obliterated him using my ultimate move—
Ao: *suddenly springs up* Wait, shut up... someone's coming.
The room is filled with silence as everyone looks around. The Hokage decides to break the tension (once again).
Danzo: Who is it, Ao?
Ao: *focused* I'm not sure. He has... black hair... The Sharingan... Oh, and he's right above us, hehe.
Everybody looks up to see Sasuke standing (upside-down) on the roof, staring at Danzo like there's no tomorrow.
Chojuro: Doesn't that defy the laws of gravity?
Ao: Hey, with Kishi, anything is possible.
Mifune attacks Sasuke while Danzo decides to run for it (man, he's so old and he can still run that fast?! Geez!).
Ao: *running after him* Oh, no you don't!
Chojuro: Don't follow him too far, Ao.
Ao: *stops running and turns around* Don't worry about me. You just protect the Mizukage. I, Ao of the Hidden Mist, hereby solemnly swear to fulfill my duties as one of the Mizukage's most trusted bodyguards, in rain and in sunshine, in light and in dark, in good times and bad—
*Ten minutes later*
Ao: In fire and water, in peace and in turmoil, in—
Chojuro: AO, JUST GO ALREADY!!
Ao: Right! *runs off*
Everyone else seems to have fallen asleep, until Sasuke decides to crash through the wall and chase after the Hokage. Tsuchikage Oinky, however, wakes up and decides to put a stop to him. He flies overhead and faces the Uchiha.
Oinky: So you're the one who defeated Deidara, huh?
Sasuke: That's right, old man. Now move it!
Oinky: *activating his special move* Sorry, can't do that. Time to show you what we old folks can do! Dust Release: Release of Dust!
For some strange reason, Sasuke just blows up into tiny molecules. Everyone (except the Mizukage) wakes up and figures out what's going on. Karen realises Sasuke is gone and whimpers in the corner.
Karen: *sobs* No... Sasuke! *sobs* Well, at least I got a lock of his chest hair. *holds up a furball (—wtf?!)*
The Raikage, Kazekage and their respective bodyguards run into the room. Right on time, huh? Kankuro seems to be missing.
Mifune: ...Where's Kankuro?
Shee: Oh, the Raikage smacked him into next week. He'll be back on Tuesday.
Oinky: Ah, Raikage, glad you could join us. I just finished off Sasuke. Blew him into bits, I did.
A-kon: *outraged* Oh, no you di'n't!! I'ma smack you into yo’ teens!
Oinky: Go ahead, I'd love to be young again—
Just then, a black and yellow taxi crashes through the wall, alarming everyone. Madara Uchiha, after paying the driver, steps out with Sasuke on his shoulder and faces the Five... uh, Four Kages.
Madara: *puts Sasuke down* Sorry I'm late. You wouldn't believe the traffic.
Shee: Why did you catch a cab when you can teleport?!
Madara: ...Uh ... Anyways, my name is—
Darui: Yeah, yeah, we know. Madara Uchiha, right?
Madara: What the...?! Who told you?!
Shee: No-one. It's written all over your Facebook profile... and your Twitter. By the way, add me on Facebook.
Madara: Alright, but later. Look, I came here to talk to you about my ultimate plan. The Moon's Eye project!
Everyone gasps in fear... everyone except... the Mizukage. She's still sleeping, you know. That's some gin! Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnn~! To be continued...!
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99minutes: *comes out from set* ...aaaaand cut! Okay, people, that's a rap. Good work for today.
Madara: *taking off mask* Ugh, damn. Wearing this thing makes my face sweaty. Can I get a towel, please?
Oinky: *hitting the ground* Are you sure no-one will see these ropes holding me up? I mean, who believes a 240-year old man can fly?
99minutes: Don't worry. It's Naruto, afterall. And in Naruto anything is possible.
A-kon: At least you don't have to talk like an illiterate all the time. It's getting difficult by day to keep up my stereotypical rap language.
99minutes: *handing Madara a towel* Look, the fans love you, A-kon. You can't stop now.
A-kon: Yeah, I guess so. But what about the electricity effect around me? You think CGI and Photoshop will be enough for that?
99minutes: Relax, I got it covered. No-one will suspect a thin— *notices camera-man* Hey, are you still recording?!
END.
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My Comments
It's a crazy, crazy world ~! I really hope people get Jiggy's Justin Beiber joke. You know the song, Never Say Never? I also put myself in there as if I am the director of a show, and the rest of the characters are all actors. Backstage stuff, hehe. I did feel like this one was a bit rushed. Guess I'm so caught up nowdays and it's hard to give it some effort, but hey, at least it's done.
Sorry if the humour in this one is not up to standard. Issue #3 will be better. We'll see the convo between Naruto and Sakura in that. Stay tuned! Thanks for reading
You guys are awesome! Please rate and comment!—99minutes
Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo, so please support them.
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