Naruto — The Hurricane Comedy
#1: The G20 Summit
The following piece is rated PG for Language. Please reconsider before going any further. You have been warned.
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#1: The G20 Summit
The following piece is rated PG for Language. Please reconsider before going any further. You have been warned.
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The most talked about event since Sakura actually doing something, the G20 Summit is here! The Five Kages from their respective villages have travelled many long distances to gather in the Land of Iron... which is actually right next door. Tonight (or today... I dunno, I haven't checked the time yet) we will find out how the events unfold...
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The Five Kages enter the General Discussion Room 24 and stand, while Mifune — their host — greets and introduces them.
Mifune: Welcome, one and all, to the G20 summit. I am your moderator, General Mifune. We are joined here today by Hokage Danzo, from the Village Hidden in the Leaves...
Danzo: *bows* Greetings.
Mifune: Raikage A-kon, from the Village Hidden in Da' Hood...
A-kon: *does the west-side sign* Word.
Mifune: Tsuchikage Oinky, from the Village Hidden in the Mushroom Kingdom...
Oinky: *yelling at Kurosutchi* I told you we should've taken the detour!
Mifune: Kazekage Gaara, from the Village Hidden in the Sand...
Gaara: *thinking* I don't want to be here.
Mifune: And last but not least, Mizukage May, from the Village Hidden in Stupidity.
May: *holding up a bottle* Would anyone like some gin?
Mifune: Now sit the hell down and let's begin.
Everybody takes their respective places.
Mifune: Raikage A-kon called you all here to discuss Akatsuki. Let the discussion begin!
Out of nowhere, trumpets are heard. Mifune looks around confusedly.
Gaara: I'll start things off. I was a former Jinchuriki. Akatsuki captured me and extracted my Tailed Beast. As a result, I died. But then I came back to life again because of some old lady. For more information, read my autobiography: Gaara, His Life. His Sand. *holds up a book*
The other Kages just glance at one another, having no idea what in the world Gaara is going on about.
Gaara: In conclusion, Akatsuki has to be dealt with because they like hunting monsters and unlikable people. Thank you.
Nobody claps except for Kankuro, who just ends up making an idiot out of himself.
Kankuro: Woo, yeah! Team Gaara!
Temari gives him a “shut the hell up” look, and he quietens down. Raikage has the next say.
A-kon: I'm with da' red-haired dawg. Akatsuki are some bad-ass mofos that need to be taken down, ASAP. *snaps his fingers while saying this* They got my bruv, Killer Bee-yonce.
Oinky: By the chest of Tsunade! They captured the Eight-Tails?!
A-kon: Fo' shizzle, dawg.
Darui: Hey, boss. I thought we were here for the gold?
A-kon: Daroo, mention 'dat again and I will smack the black off you!
Mifune: Are you serious?
Darui: Oh, he's very serious. You see Shee, the other bodyguard over here? He used to be the same colour as me... until one fateful night when Raikage accidentally smacked the black off of him. Right, Shee?
Shee: *hides his face in shame* It's not something I like to talk about...
Mifune stared at them as if they were crazy. Luckily, Danzo managed to break the tension.
Danzo: This is ridiculous. I thought we came here to discuss Akatsuki, not talk about racial discrimination.
Oinky: Oh, you'd know a lot about Akatsuki, wouldn't you? You old whippersnapper.
Danzo: Me… old? You're even older then me!
May: *slams her gin down on the table* I think we need to *hiccup* invite Akatsuki for some *hiccup* drinks.
Chojuro: Sorry, dudes. I forgot to, like, tell you that the Mizukage is an alcoholic.
May: *turns to Chojuro* Kisame, is that you? My gosh, it's been a while. You look *hiccup* younger... and where did you get those glasses?
Chojuro: Uh...
The Mizukage pats Chojuro on the face, laughing childishly, until she slumps onto the table, either unconscious or asleep.
Mifune: Is... she going to be okay?
Ao: Yeah, don't worry. She's had a busy day.
Mifune: Busy day? She's been drinking this entire time!
Ao: Exactly... *grins with a “ping” sound*
Gaara: Back to the topic, I think we should form the world's first Joint Shinobi Army to counter Akatsuki.
Oinky: Nah, that will never work... any ideas, Mifune?
Mifune: I think we should form the world's first Joint Shinobi Army.
Oinky: Excellent, old chap!
A-kon: Right on!
Danzo: Good idea.
May: *snoring* ...
Everyone claps for Mifune. Ao even goes to the trouble of shaking his hand. Gaara, on the other hand, is taken aback and somewhat shocked.
Gaara: B-but... that was my idea!
Oinky: Who are you?
Mifune: We'll need someone to lead this army. I suggest Hokage Danzo!
A-kon: *punches a hole in the desk* Say what?
Oinky: Why him?!
Mifune: Isn't it obvious? Raikage's not fit for the job because he has some serious anger management issues.
A-kon: *breaking the wall* I do not!
Mifune: Tsuchikage is too old for the task.
Oinky: *looking at Ao* What?! How dare you! I oughta' come over there and give you a caning, Mifune!
Ao: For the last time, I'm Ao! Mifune's over there.
Mifune: Kazekage is under 18, so that's a big no-no.
Gaara: Just wait two more months. Then we will see who's under 18.
Mifune: And Mizukage is out of the question!
May: *sleeptalking* Is that you, Yagura? You look nice... *snoring*
Danzo: *thinking* Wow... I didn't even have to use Shisui's eye.
Mifune: Danzo seems to be the only sane person here.
A-kon: There ain't no way I acceptin' dat fool as leader!
Danzo: *smirking* Sorry, Raikage. You're my bitch now.
A-kon: *rises from his seat* What?! I'ma bust you in yo' fu--
Just then, the floor explodes and a White Zetsu rises into view.
Zetsu: It's party time!!
The Kages' respective bodyguards spring into defensive modes. Pretty unfair if you ask me. About fifteen guys on only one Zetsu? Hmph. Though the Zetsu doesn't seem to be fazed at all.
Zetsu: Sasuke Uchiha managed to sneak in! Let's go find him, shall we?
A-kon: *outraged* Whaaaaaaat?!
Darui: *sighs* Oh, bullocks.
As fast as lightning (haha, get it?), Raikage grabs the Zetsu by his throat and demands for answers.
A-kon: Where he at?! Where's da' Uchiha?
Zetsu: *thinking* This guy... is not... making any sense!
Seems like the Raikage can't be bothered waiting for an answer, so he just breaks the Zetsu's neck. A happy ending for a lifeless soul.
A-kon: Shee! Daroo! Let's roll! Play some of ma' music, will ya? *smashes through the wall and moves off*
Shee: *sighs* Yes, Raikage-sir. *takes out a boombox and follows*
Darui: *turns to the other Kages* My most humble and sincere apologies about the wall... and the desk... Well, see ya! *runs off*
Mifune: This has got to be the worst summit ever.
END
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And so, with that begins a new chapter!
Will Raikage A-kon make it in time to give Sasuke the ultimate ass-kicking?
Will Tsuchikage Oinky ever retire?
Will Kazekage Gaara ever get to his 18th birthday?
Will Hokage Danzo reveal what's under his right arm?
Will Mizukage May ever wake up?
Will I ever stop asking these pointless questions?
The answers to these mysteries and more, will be revealed in the next Naruto - the Hurricane Comedy!
To be continued...
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And so, with that begins a new chapter!
Will Raikage A-kon make it in time to give Sasuke the ultimate ass-kicking?
Will Tsuchikage Oinky ever retire?
Will Kazekage Gaara ever get to his 18th birthday?
Will Hokage Danzo reveal what's under his right arm?
Will Mizukage May ever wake up?
Will I ever stop asking these pointless questions?
The answers to these mysteries and more, will be revealed in the next Naruto - the Hurricane Comedy!
To be continued...
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My Comments
What did you all think? It's the first in what I hope to be many Naruto comedies of mine. Yes, I know it's not a fanfiction but alot of the dialogue and events are changed around. It's just based on the true story, that's all. Sorry for the swearing — couldn't make it funny otherwise — but don't worry, I'll keep it within the PG-13 range. Also, I mean no disrespect to anyone for any of the jokes here (especially the ones concerning A-kon and Darui — I'm dark-skinned myself anyway xD).
It is hard to make a comedy with just writing. But you all have your imagination, so use it well because it's the best gift you will ever have. Thank you for reading and stay tuned because there's much more to come! Spread the laughs! Please rate and comment!
—99minutes
Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo, so please support them.
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