My First FanfICTION SO DONT JUDGE ME

[-Kenshin-]

Note:This Fan Fiction Contains Naruto and non Naruto Characters



Narrator: "Its my a dark quiet lonely night on the street of Konoha, When all of a Sudden There was a loud explosion coming from over by the Hokages Mansion...."

Itachi: Damn you Kio, I told you to stop messing around with that Explosive Powder!!!!

Kio:( with a smokey face looks at Itachi) But why its so much fun to Make stuff go boom..

Itachi:Kio You have alot of issues

Kio:WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE ISSUES YOU KILLED YOUR WHOLE CLAN AND YOUR TELLING ME I HAVE ISSUES!!!!!!!

Itachi:Keep your voice down you'll get us caught...

Kio:Fine.... Hey Itachi where do babies come from?????

Itachi: (In his Mind: How can anyone be as stupid as him) Your Kdding Right????

Kio: Nooooo ( with a sad look on his face) shhh i think i here someone coming i want to scare them

Narrator: "And from around the corner Naruto and Rock Lee walk out"

Naruto:What was that loud bang?????

Lee:I dont know but it looks like someone was here not to long ago...

(and from behind a nearby bush Kio jumps out)

Kio:BOOOOOOO!!!!!

"And Rock Lee turns Around Kio takes one look and screams"

Kio:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! its a monster run Itachi RUN!!!

Naruto:(With that weird look on his face) Who.. Who are you ????

Kio:Me???? Im Kio Uchiha of The famous and thanks to Itachi ( Giving Itachi An Evil Look) almost Extinct Uchiha Clan!@11

Itachi:Why You!!!! *Kicks Kio in the chest sending him flying into a nearby tree* SHUT UP!!!

Naruto:Kio??? iv never heard of you before *Looks at Itachi* HI Itachi... how are you!!

Itachi:Very Well thank you for asking.. Why are you two wondering around here at this time of night?

Naruto:Well me and Bushy Brows heard a very loud explosion from over here...

Lee: Yea do you know where it came from???

Kio:I.... (Itachi Quicky put his hand over his mouth)

Itachi: We have No idea!!!!

Naruto: Can I ask you one more Question???

Itachi: Sure...

Naruto:Why are you two Akatsuki Members roaming around here for?

Kio:Ummmmm...... *Takes Off running*

UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!!!!

 

[siro002]

if u made it.. great job..

 

[-Kenshin-]

if u made it.. great job..

thanks i tried my best it still isnt finished

 

[Rodukaime Namikaze]

It was funny

 

[Madara Uchiha]

Its seems too random, doesnt really pull you into the story of it all.

Good attempt anyway.

 

[-Kenshin-]

It was funny

thanks i tried to make it funny

Its seems too random, doesnt really pull you into the story of it all.

Good attempt anyway.

well like i said its my first fan fiction

 

[Lord Painz]

Note:This Fan Fiction Contains Naruto and non Naruto Characters



Narrator: "Its my a dark quiet lonely night on the street of Konoha, When all of a Sudden There was a loud explosion coming from over by the Hokages Mansion...."

Itachi: Damn you Kio, I told you to stop messing around with that Explosive Powder!!!!

Kio:( with a smokey face looks at Itachi) But why its so much fun to Make stuff go boom..

Itachi:Kio You have alot of issues

Kio:WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE ISSUES YOU KILLED YOUR WHOLE CLAN AND YOUR TELLING ME I HAVE ISSUES!!!!!!!

Itachi:Keep your voice down you'll get us caught...

Kio:Fine.... Hey Itachi where do babies come from?????

Itachi: (In his Mind: How can anyone be as stupid as him) Your Kdding Right????

Kio: Nooooo ( with a sad look on his face) shhh i think i here someone coming i want to scare them

Narrator: "And from around the corner Naruto and Rock Lee walk out"

Naruto:What was that loud bang?????

Lee:I dont know but it looks like someone was here not to long ago...

(and from behind a nearby bush Kio jumps out)

Kio:BOOOOOOO!!!!!

"And Rock Lee turns Around Kio takes one look and screams"

Kio:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! its a monster run Itachi RUN!!!


Too Be Continued

Note this is still a work in progress and will be finished later today

hahahah nice funny

 

[Nefertari Vivi]

LOL Funny and nice

 

[Sonne]

The fact that it's your first doesn't justify the lack of work put in it.
You could give it good Grammar, a better Formatting and a better look overall.
The story itself is Random, honestly I don't even see how you can carry on with it.

 

[-Kenshin-]

The fact that it's your first doesn't justify the lack of work put in it.
You could give it good Grammar, a better Formatting and a better look overall.
The story itself is Random, honestly I don't even see how you can carry on with it.

well due you dont have to be mean ok if you donyt like it dont look at it

 

[Jack Spicer]

well due you dont have to be mean ok if you donyt like it dont look at it

He's not being mean. He's giving you advice.

 

[-Kenshin-]

He's not being mean. He's giving you advice.

i honestly didnt ask for advice i wanted it to be random

 

[Sonne]

well due you dont have to be mean ok if you donyt like it dont look at it

You put it in a Forum with 87 thousands of people and you expect us not to look at it?

 

[-Kenshin-]

You put it in a Forum with 87 thousands of people and you expect us not to look at it?

ok what your suggestion how should i redo it

 

[Ballin Sasuke]

I enjoyed it

 

[Sophie Ezra]

not to bad could use a bit more work i have a fan fic on here to i did not think it would be that good but quite a few people like it and it is my first as well

 

[ccoffey]

some people are **** ignore them. i liked it

 

[roxey19]

I gotta say I honestly liked it, it has this randomness about it that tends to draw people in. With a little more work it can go places, so I say take the constructive critizism and work at it, then come back and let us see what you come up with.

 

[Dragonfly X]

I don't like it too much, the randomness throws me off. Not my cup of tea. Maybe if you made it into an actually story, made it continuing and normalish. Btw, off topic, but I really like you Sig and Ava