[Adventure] Menma Chapter 1

[HENI]

Menma Chapter 1: Menma Uzumaki



This story is about an alternate universe, in which Sasuke stays in the Leaf Village, while Menma leaves to seek power. The reason is unclear. Please read and enjoy this story!

[Scene shows Sasuke and Menma meeting at the Final Valley.]

Sasuke: So you're just gonna run away like a crybaby? We all fought so hard so I can reach you!

[Menma slowly turns around to Sasuke]

Menma: It's you again. Don't you ever get bored of constantly bothering me?

Sasuke: !

Menma: I don't care about this village anymore. I'll go and seek true power, of the Sharingan.

Sasuke: The true power of Sharingan!?

Menma: Your Sharingan could not even protect you from Orochimaru.

Sasuke: ....

Menma: Your Sharingan was too weak to even beat Orochimaru. I will go and find the power I seek...

Sasuke: I WON'T LET YOU GO BE A LONE WOLF AGAIN! MENMA! I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND TAKE YOU BACK TO THE VILLAGE!

[Sasuke charges up a Chidori]

Menma: Hmph... [Menma creates a Great Rasen Ringu.]

[Sasuke activates the 3-tomoe Sharingan]

Sasuke: What's this!!

[A Black Nine Tailed Fox is seen by Sasuke!!]

Chapter End

 

[Lytes]

A bit short but the story has potential, nice work

 

[HENI]

A bit short but the story has potential, nice work

thanks man

 

[ChicagoJhawk]

I actually like the shortness of the chapter. It's like a pilot episode that gives u a glimmer of whats to come. Good work

 

[Guardian of the Rain]

It's good, man. A bit too familiar to what actually happened between Naruto and Sasuke in the actual story. I know that's the point though. Hopefully, you will create some original ideas.
Another thing, try making it more easy on the eyes. More neat. A colon rather than a dash for instance. Or at least put a space before the dash. Like "Sasuke:" or "Sasuke - "
Not trying to discourage you. Just offering advice. Nice work nonetheless

 

[HENI]

It's good, man. A bit too familiar to what actually happened between Naruto and Sasuke in the actual story. I know that's the point though. Hopefully, you will create some original ideas.
Another thing, try making it more easy on the eyes. More neat. A colon rather than a dash for instance. Or at least put a space before the dash. Like "Sasuke:" or "Sasuke - "
Not trying to discourage you. Just offering advice. Nice work nonetheless

Thanks for the tip, I'll edit it

 

[Dark Sonic]

Not a bad start but very short for me to know what will happen onward. I'll take a look at Chapter 2 next since it's uploaded.