Life & Rock n' Roll

Radiohead

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Chapter 2: Pessimist Boy!

April 5, 2002
Afternoon, 6:00 o'clock

On that day, Jack was sent into the hospital. He was going through hell. Jack, was in a critical stance, his mother and younger brother were sitting in the room. The silence was broken, when someone knocked at the door... It was Ricky. "Hello, you must be Jack's friend, Ricky right?", Jack's mother spoke with a flat voice, as she faked a smile, Ricky said, " Yes, I am", he was being aloof since he got the news, not the funny boy he was.

Ricky, sat on a chair, and gazed upon Jack for 10 minutes, he was shocked. "We've been through a lot of things in life, shared our most melancholic and happiest moments... What a tragic end", Ricky whispered "... It was never suppose to end this way, not like this". Ricky stood up, greeted Jack's family and smashed the door.

He went out of the hospital, and there he was in the middle of the road, alone, it was cold. Ricky was too much pessimistic about the whole situation.
Then he directed to the graveyards, and sat near his father's grave, "Well father, thing aren't as I thought, today I live... tomorrow I may die", then he started to cry and to hit the ground with punches, " W-HYYYY?!?!?! I thought I'd be easier, but it isn't, I cannot reach what I wish... I'm such a foolish, idiot
and bitterman", Ricky yelled.
"Hey you, get out of here, how did you get inside?", the guardian shouted as Ricky ran quickly, and jumped over the wall.

A car passed and stopped by him, "Ricky, get inside.", his friend Ace said concerned. "What's the problem?", Ricky said with a flat voice as he entered in the car. " The 'Old Grunge School', they've set fire to it... They are destroying it...", Ace said.
"Who are they?", Ricky questioned, "Them... 'The Redskins' !", he answered.


Old Grunge School

Rockers were fighting, "The Redskins", they were the mafia of the town, their job was to collect money from every business around town, but the bar was protesting against them, and as a result the mafia set fire to it.

Bloodshed, guns, punches, kicks, but surprisingly without anyone noticing, they got the owner, Moe as a hostage and threatened, that they'd kill him!
"We are merciless peoples, barbers is what we are, we'll kill each of...", at the moment when their boss was finishing his statement and was ready to execute Moe, a thick radius of energy, impaled him in the chest, leaving him speechless. It was....
 

sG Taka

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OK chapter, pretty good.

Bloodshed, guns, punches, kicks, but surprisingly without anyone noticing, they got the owner, Moe as a hostage and threatened, that they'd kill him!
-You should provide more description instead of just words. Lazy >.>

Ricky, sat on a chair, and gazed upon Jack for 10 minutes, he was shocked.
-The comma placement and the sentence structure is a bit awkward.

Ricky sat on a chair and could not believe his eyes as he gazed upon Jack for ten minutes.
-Try something like that.
 

Radiohead

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OK chapter, pretty good.

Bloodshed, guns, punches, kicks, but surprisingly without anyone noticing, they got the owner, Moe as a hostage and threatened, that they'd kill him!
-You should provide more description instead of just words. Lazy >.>

Ricky, sat on a chair, and gazed upon Jack for 10 minutes, he was shocked.
-The comma placement and the sentence structure is a bit awkward.

Ricky sat on a chair and could not believe his eyes as he gazed upon Jack for ten minutes.
-Try something like that.
I am lazy, I don't clean my own crap... JKxd Thanks for the advice!
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Well, this chapter took me by surprise. It seemed slice of like however, the ending of the chapter suggested otherwise xd It is getting interesting and I like it. Spelling could use a little more improvement but I myself have dealt with this same problem as it is very common. The length was slightly longer but I suppose you're going for a novel-style fanfiction? By the way, the title 6:00 o'clock was the extra o'clock there for effect or did you added it confidently?​
 

Radiohead

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Well, this chapter took me by surprise. It seemed slice of like however, the ending of the chapter suggested otherwise xd It is getting interesting and I like it. Spelling could use a little more improvement but I myself have dealt with this same problem as it is very common. The length was slightly longer but I suppose you're going for a novel-style fanfiction? By the way, the title 6:00 o'clock was the extra o'clock there for effect or did you added it confidently?​
Yes well, some of me are inside this story! The o'clock was just for effect, I liked it so I putted it there! Thanks man, I really appreciate you for reading these two stories!
 
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