Jack Spicer
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Life in The Akatsuki
The word...
We join the glorious and illustrious Akatsuki on Monday, which is waffle day, in the dining room eating breakfast.
Itachi: "This idea is actually quite appealing. Who came up with it? Pein, was it you?
Pein: "No Itachi. This idea was all Kakuzus."
Itachi: "Really now? I knew Hidan was definitely incapable of doing anything a normal and rational person would do, thus ruling him out. Sasori doesn't eat alot, so he wouldn't have a probable cause to think of an idea like this. Deidara is too infatuated with his girlfriend and blowing things up, which I think is a result of him either not being loved enough as a child or a lack of intercourse with Ino Yamanaka. Zetsu has been really distant from us lately. Plus all the smoke that follows him would ruin this amazing waffle. Konan is too busy loving you, Pein. Her stupidity amazes all of us, I'm sure. Tobi is too childish to think of something I would like, besides that party a couple weeks ago. Kisame is..........Kisame. Kakuzu hasn't moved past 1973. I don't think he believes a toaster is friendly to his "aurora", so that leaves you, but since you said it wasn't you, then I guess it was Kakuzu. Hm, anything is possible I imagine. Man this waffle is amazing."
*Itachi takes a bite of the waffle while everyone's jaws drops.
Hidan: "The hell?! I am normal and rational! I am just religious! Seriously, goddamnit! Jashin facepalms on your ignorance!"
Sasori: "You have a point. I don't eat alot, but I would have a cause if I thought of this. I like syrup and I want to please my teamates, and girlfriend, Hinata Hyuga. Take that Deidara...."
Deidara: "Not enough love as a child? Lack of intercourse?! I love my mother, and she feels the same about me. Hm! And Ino and I are....just taking...it slow. And, Sasori, just you wait!"
Zetsu: (Black Half): "Smoke? What smoke man?"
Zetsu: (White Half): "I think he means the smoke around the the plant guy....."
Konan: "I am not stupid, you worthless Uchiha! Atleast I can feel love and not kill it off!"
Tobi: "I am not childish, but thanks for making my waffle shaped like Boots, Kakuzu! I prefer Dora though, but Tobi shall live.
Kisame: "My name is Kisame. Good analysis, Itachi..."
Kakuzu: "Today's prices are really expensive. The 70's is disco heaven compared to this place."
Konan: "Itachi! Apologize to us!"
Itachi, who takes another bite of his waffle: "Why don't you make me?"
Konan: "Alright then. Everyone, please kick his sharingan ass!"
Deidara: "Uh...fine...Hm.."
Hidan: "All right! The heethan will finally die!"
*Everyone, except Zetsu and Kakuzu, stands up against Itachi*
Kakuzu: "Bazinga!"
*Everyone stops"
Pein: "What was that, Kakuzu?"
Sasori: "Bazinga? Okay....."
Konan: "Where did you hear that stupid word from?"
Kakuzu: "The groovy TV show The Big Bang Theory. It's amazing. BAZINGA!!!! WOOOO!"
Hidan: "You're one hell of a sadistic bastard, you know that?"
Itachi: "Can I leave?"
Pein: "Wait, Itachi."
Itachi: "I don't need your permission."
*Itachi leaves*
Kisame: "Itachi, wait for me!"
*Kisame leaves*
Sasori: "Bye."
*Sasori leaves*
Deidara: "So, Hidan, want to go play some Ultimate Ninja 2? It's a classic, hm."
Hidan: "I'm there."
*They leave.*
Pein: "So, I am loving these waffles."
Konan: "They are....good."
Kakuzu: "Well, it's been one sweet time, but I need to go shower. I bought some new shampoo. It's out of this world. Bazinga!"
*Kakuzu leaves*
Konan: "Pein, that reminds me, today we are going to a meeting comprising of all the villagers in the Hidden Rain village. Should we go get freshened up?"
Pein: "Do I really have to go?"
Konan: "Well, you are the leader of the village. And besides, Gibbs wouldn't say no. Especially to his people and a woman asking him to do it."
Pein: "A woman isn't asking me."
Konan: "!!EXCUSE0"
Pein: "A goddess is."
*Konan blushes*
Konan: "I love you."
Pein: "I love you too. Well, let's go."
*They get up and walk down the halfway while Pein puts his arm around her. Back in the dining room, Tobi stares at Zetsu, in an awkward way."
Tobi: "So, Mr.Zetsu, how are you?"
*Zetsu passes out and coughes as smoke fills the air."
Tobi: "Oh....High is the new low! I am hilarious....TOBI RULES! Bazinga! Nope.....just not feeling it. Hooray!"
Later that day, we join Sasori and Deidara conversing in the hallway..
Sasori: "It's true. I killed the third Kazekage. Pretty cool huh?"
Deidara: "I could kill a Kage if I wanted too. I bet I'll kill the 5th Kazekage one day, hm!"
Sasori: "Bets? Who are you, Kisame or Kakuzu?"
Deidara: "I am not a fish or a Marty Mcfly wanna be. They couldn't get girls, or should I say, girls like I get."
Sasori: "You've only had one girlfriend....I think Ino's a girl right?"
Deidara: "Why do you always bad-mouth her man? It's really pissing me off! Hm!"
Sasori: "You talk about Hinata similarly. Why? I don't know. She is perfect."
Deidara: "To a puppet. You're the only thing she could ever get wood from. She's extremely unattractive."
Sasori: "Listen. I am at my boiling point. Me and you are best friends. We just don't like eachothers girlfriends at all. Let's have a double date later today, to see if we can change that."
Deidara: "Heh, deal. Should be interesting..."
In the bathroom.....
Hidan: "Kakuzu? The hell did you do? Where's the toilet?! KAKUZU!!!!!
*Kakuzu walks in*
Kakuzu: "Sup."
Hidan: "Don't Sup me! The toilet is gone! I can't take a shi** without a toilet!"
Kakuzu: "Bazinga! You've been my first victim. Mwhahahahaha!"
Hidan: "...Jashin, the hell?"
*Kakuzu leaves*
Hidan: "What do I do?!!!!!!!"
In Itachi and Kisame's room...
Itachi: "Latet today, Pein and Konan will be gone. I also overheard Sasori and Deidara discussing a double date. And no, you can't go with them by bringing a your pet snail, which is gross by the way. So now it's me, you, Zetsu, Tobi, and Hidan. Zetsu is too self-intoxicated....Hidan is an idiot, like Tobi. So, the house is pretty much ours."
Kisame: "What about Kakuzu?"
Itachi: "We can ignore him. Like I will do you later on today while I watch Batman The Animated Series Volume One. It's breathtaking."
In the living room....
Pein: "Ready, Konan?"
*Konan walks out in a black dress"
Pein: "Wow. You look stunning."
Konan: "Thanks, so do you.
*She kisses him on the cheek*
Konan: "I hope we return to a home and not rumble."
Pein: "Well, all there is, is Tobi and Hidan who can cause that, without thinking. The others would do it on purpose. Trust me. But Itachi will control them."
Konan: "Do you really think so?"
Pein: "No, but let's go."
Later, in the Akatsuki Hideout, we join Kisame who is searching for snacks.
Kisame: "Itachi! What chips did you want?"
Itachi: "Barbecue...."
Kisame: "Okay! Doo, da, da, doo, where's the chips? Da! Da, da, da, da, dah!!!"
Itachi: "Stop playing your theme music and get my chips."
Kisame: "Okay....."
*Kisame goes to open a cabinet and is met with a pie to the face*
Kakuzu, who appears at the doorway: "BAZINGA!"
*Kakuzu runs away*
Kisame: "..........."
On the sure to be disaster date, we join the Akatsuki duo awaiting their dates....
Sasori: "Why didn't you pick them up?
Deidara: "Let them meet you halfway. It builds trust, heh."
Sasori: "But you were going to drop Ino for Konan in a heartbeat a couple weeks ago."
Deidara: "I...well...It builds trust on her side......... And I can't afford the money."
Sasori: "I wouldn't pay you much either. You strike me as a bad employee".
*Waiter walks by*
Waiter: "What can I get for the lovely couple?"
Deidara: "Couple? What couple?!"
Waiter: "You and your man friend. This is my first time serving non straights. What does your kind prefer?"
Sasori: "Your kind? We aren't gay, and by the way, you're being a sterotype."
Deidara: "Who cares what he is? He's calling me gay! I understand you, but why me?"
Sasori: "Are you serious?"
Waiter: "Is this a bad time? Is is the first date?"
*Deidara blows the waiter away using his clay*
Sasori: "Thank you, Deidara."
Deidara: "Hey! Look! Our dates have arrived! Hm..."
On Pein and Konan's front.....
Pein: "Okay, villagers, how are you?"
*They scream and shout randomly"
Konan: "This is going to be a long night...."
*Konan facepalms*
Back at the hideout, we join Tobi, who is playing cars in his room...
Tobi: "Zoom! Zoom!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no! A crash! BURN, BURN!!! I am so evil....hehehehehehe......Hm, I need some sleep. YAWN!!!!!!"
*Tobi jumps into his bed, but is instantly sprung out of it*
Kakuzu, who is at the door way: "BAZINGA!"
*Kakuzu runs away*
Tobi: "Ow...Tobi wants to do it again!"
Back on the date....
Deidara: "So, Hinata, what's your family like?"
Hinata: "My cousin, Neji, tried to kill me because his father was killed protecting mine. I have a sister who is stronger than me. Everyone is really."
Ino: "Got that right..."
Deidara: "Hm, how....weird."
Sasori: "So, Ino, where did you get your hair done? Yours reminds me of someone." (Looks at Deidara)
Ino: "I get it done at a hair salon in Konoha. People say I look so much like the actress Anne Hathaway."
Hinata: "Might as well say dirt is gold...."
Sasori: "Oh.....That's good............."
Deidara: "Anne Hathaway will be playing as Catwoman in Batman 3!"
Ino: "Please don't act nerdy tonight. We have guests with us."
Sasori: "It's okay. I love Batman and Anne Hathaway. She's the second most beautiful woman ever. Hinata's the first."
*Hinata blushes and they kiss*
Deidara: "Well, foods here. Time to eat, heh."
Ino: "It looks delicious!"
Hinata: "Pig...."
Sasori: "Pig...."
Back at the hideout, Zetsu is in the gameroom hanging out...alone.
Zetsu: (Black Half): "Time to play Halo!"
Zetsu: (White Half): "NO! CALL OF DUTY!...please....."
Zetsu: (Black Half): Alls cool man....alls cool in coolville.....
(Zetsu goes to insert the game, but is electrocuted and falls down)
Kakuzu, who walks by the door and leaves afterwards: "BAZINGA!"
Zetsu: (Both):.....man.......
Back to the date...
Sasori: "Yeah, I beat the kazekae all by my self."
Ino: "Impressive, for a puppet."
Sasori: "No, just impressive."
Hinata: "So, how is the rest of Akatsuki?"
Deidara: "As pathetic as ever, heh."
Ino: "Not surprising. Deidara's the only good one."
*They kiss"
Hinata: "Excuse me, but Sasori is the better one."
Ino: "Excuse me? You're dating a puppet, I'm dating a man!"
Sasori: "A girly man...."
Deidara: "Hey!"
Sasori: "Just saying....sorry."
Hinata: "Ino, if you have a problem with me, then say it."
Ino: "Fine! I hate you as much as I hate Sakura."
Hinata: "I hate Sakura too....."
Ino: "She's a complete loser, right?"
Hinata: "Yeah."
(They smile and laugh(
Sasori: "She tried to kill me! I hate her too!"
Deidara: "....Me too......."
Back to Pein and Konan.....
Pein: "I don't know why it rains here! It just does! Now, please stop asking that question!"
Crowd: "*Shouts randomly*"
Konan: "Pein, this is boring. Next week, we are going to have our own romantic date."
Pein: "Okay, but can we please leave now? NCIS is one and we might be able to catch it...."
Konan: "I'll beat you to the car!"
*They run off towards the car!*
At the hideout, we join Deidara and Sasori returning home.
Deidara: "Hmph, that went well. I still hate your girlfriend, but atleast they bonded."
Sasori: "Same here."
*They high five one another, while Pein and Konan walk in. Kisame meets them while walking by.*
Kisame: "How was everything?"
Konan: "Horrible. We're going to sleep."
Kisame: "Not before you see this..."
*Hidan runs through the door into them*
Kisame: "Where have you been, Hidan?"
Hidan: "Needed to shi*. Konoha's Hokage faces is far away from here! I nailed the fourth's nose! That'll teach him for creating Naruto Uzumaki. A**hole..."
Kisame: "Anyways...come here..."
*They follow Kisame into Itachi's room and see Kakuzu stuck in the ceiling fan with pie in his face.*
Pein: "What happened here?"
Itachi: "He tried to Bazinga me. He failed."
Hidan, who's laughing really hard: "Bazinga that you bit**!!!!!! Wooo! Been saving that one!"
Konan: "I'm going to sleep...."
*Her and Pein leave*
Hidan: "Hey, where's Tobi?"
In the game room, which is consumed in smoke....
Zetsu: (White Half): "How are you....Tobi? That's your name right?..."
Tobi: "Yeah!!! I feel so confused right now! Tobi can fly!!!!!!!!"
Zetsu: (Black Half): "Their first time is always hilarious....Hey, orange, go touch the Xbox!"
Tobi: "Dude, okay, got this, I!....Tobi is....so messed up...."
*Tobi is shocked and passes out"
Zetsu: (Both): "Bazinga....."
The End
*Note: Sorry if it appears rushed. It kinda was, but please enjoy! Sorry their wasn't alot of Pein/Konan, but they will be next time! More Tobi, Hidan, and well, everyone too!
