Jack Spicer
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Title: The Academy
This is my first one writing this year. I kind of rushed it. Sorry, if it's not as funny as the previous ones. I'm a little rusty on comedy because I'm writing different genre's at the moment. XD Please enjoy
We join Hidan and Kakuzu, and which Hidan is still recovering from The Party
Hidan: Man, Kakuzu, that party last week messed me up big time!
Kakuzu: You look fine to me, Hidan, but if you keep talking you'll regret it.
Hidan: No man! I'm serious! I think I'm a zombie!
Kakuzu: How did you come to that conclusion?
Hidan: I keep stabbing myself, but I can't die! I think I'm paralyzed!
Kakuzu: Why are you even stabbing yourself?
Hidan: It seemed like the right thing to do!
Kakuzu: Keep thinking that. I am trying to figure out how much insurance we owe to our landlord.
Hidan: Why's that?
Kakuzu: Our monthly bill is up.
(Hidan begins his ritual and changes color)
Hidan: OH MY GOD KAKUZU!
Kakuzu: What now?
Hidan: I. AM. BLACK.
Kakuzu: Good for you....WHAT!? WE OWE THAT MUCH? WE ALL HAVE JOBS! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!
Hidan: All of us don't have jobs ya know. The, uh, puppet one doesn't have a job.
Kakuzu: Sasori, hm? That's correct. He never graduated ninja academy. If we got him to go, we'd get a discount for our rent and we won't become homeless. Quick, Hidan, get me a pen and some paper.
(Hidan gets him some paper and a pen)
Kakuzu: This will be very groovy...
Hidan: Why do you talk all hippy anyways?
Kakuzu: Seems like the right thing to do. Now go put that letter in the Sasori's mailbox.
Hidan: Sure, whatever you say Kakuzu. Man...I need a doctor....
Kakuzu: Hidan, what color did you say you were?
Hidan: Black, why?
Kakuzu: If this plan fails, atleast we'll have an NBA career to fall back on.....
Now off to Sasori....
Sasori: Deidara, I'm going to go get the mail. Want anything while I'm out?
Deidara: Yeah, hm, I'll take-
Sasori: Nevermind. I don't care.
(Sasori walks to the mailboxes)
Sasori: Hm, seems like almost everyone has mail today. Hidan has a letter from his therapist, Kakuzu has a check from...Tsunade...Konoha's Hokage? Wonder what why she sent him a check...Itachi has a letter from his brother Sasuke. Hm, wonder what it says..
Sasuke's voice: Itachi, each day I grow stronger and one day I will kill you! Also, today is Mom's birthday. I miss her. YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU KILLED HER!
Sasori: Does he realize he just called his dead mother a bitch......Seem's like Itachi is the smarter of the two. What else do we have here...Tobi has a...Dora Explorer Magazine? Foreigners... I hate them. Especially Dora. She has had the same horrible haircut for ages and she's still five years old. I hope she grows up one day and achieves her destiny by working at the Taco Bell down the street. Hm, I have a letter...Wonder who it's from...
(Sasori reads his letter)
Sasori: I have to...go...to...SCHOOL!!!!? But I am over thirty years old!!!
(Tobi walks outside)
Tobi: Hey buddy! Did Tobi get any mail?
Sasori: Go To Hell!
(Sasori leaves)
Tobi: I finally got my Dora magazine! Aw Yeah!!!!! Tobi shall read it now!
Meeting time for The Akatsuki
Kisame: I still think Itachi should call his brother once in a while.
Itachi: Why would I even consider doing that?
Kisame: He's your brother and you love him.
Itachi: He's my brother who I hate.
Kisame: Atleast give him a chance!
Itachi: No. When I eliminated my clan all those years ago, I erased my flaws. Sasuke isn't a flaw. He's a burned. I'll let the rest of the world deal with it.
Konan: Can we please stop talking about families. Incase you haven't forgotten, Pein and I are orphans.
Itachi: Kisame started it...and I didn't forget. I loved my family. Your family hated you.
Konan: Itachi!
Itachi: All women scream my name, but this a first a man has done it.
Hidan: OUCH!!!!!!!
Deidara: Hey! Konan is beautiful, hm!
Kisame: *Laughs*
Konan: Shut it, you walking shark!
Kisame: That hurts my feelings....
Pein: All of you please be quiet......Now, any more issues we need to confront?
Sasori: Yeah..um....I need to take the rest of the week off so I can....go to the...academy....
Pein: Why do you have to go back to the academy anyways?
Itachi: You're an orphan, you never had a chance to go to the academy. So, don't question him wanting an education.
Pein: I-
Hidan: Shut it, Orphan!
Konan: Sasori, just go.
Sasori: Thanks Konan, can I have a hug before I go?
Konan: Um, sure?
(They hug)
Deidara: Sasori, my man, stealing Pein's woman, hm?
Konan: We're just friends, Deidara, and you wish I would hug you.
Hidan: Ouch!
Sasori: Well, I'm leaving. Bye everyone...
(Sasori leaves)
Tobi: WHO WANTS TO READ MY NEW DORA MAGAZINE?!
Zetsu: (White Half): No one does, Tobi, although I'm sure it's very educational.
Zetsu: (Black Half): Or pictures of dead foreigners.....
Zetsu: (White Half): Can we have a look at that.....?
Tobi: Yeah!
Konan: Itachi, can I have a word with you?!
Itachi: No.
Konan: No, no, you're coming!
(She grabs Itachi and smacks him in the face)
Hidan: Go Konan!
Itachi: Hidan, what did you say?!
Hidan: Go Konan!!!
Itachi: That is what I thought...
(Itachi attacks Hidan)
Pein: This is going to be very troublesome....
Sasori arrives at the Academy in The Village Hidden In The Sand.
Sasori: Feels weird to be back home...
Teacher: Hey get over here! It's time for school!
Sasori: Okay...
Class begins and Sasori is assigned 2 partners.
Partner 1: Hey, my names Mugi and this is my friend Yukito!
Yugito: Wow, you're pretty.
Sasori: Yes, I know that. Now please leave me alone.
Mugi: Do you wanna play tag?
Sasori: What is tag?
Mugi: You don't know what tag is? You loser!
Sasori: Listen to me. You're the loser! Your parents are going to give you away to a family in the Hidden Mist. Then they'll cut you to pieces and eat your remains! I'll be laughing the whole time! In fact, I'll deliver you to them! Now, will you be quiet!
*Class goes silent while Sasori looks around)
Teacher: That's it! Detention for you little boy!
Sasori: But I didn't do anything!
Teacher: You made Mugi and Yugito cry!
Sasori: No, I....
Mugi: Wahh!!!!!!!
Yugito: Wahhh!!!!!
Sasori: Shut up!!!!
Teacher: That's double detention!
Sasori: But I....They....
Teacher: Do you want a triple detention?!
Sasori: No....Sir....
Back at the Akatsuki Hideout....
Itachi: Kisame! I need some ice! My beautiful face is bruising!
Kisame: Sure thing Itachi, but why didn't you hit her back?
Itachi: I don't hit women. Also, Pein would've became all mad and caring. That's too annoying.
(Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara walk in)
Deidara: You guys got to hear what Kakuzu did!
Kisame: Did he finnaly order my new gym shorts? The ones with the starfish designs? My current ones with the flowers are too worn out. It's a shame.
Deidara: .......Okay, well, uh-
Hidan: Damn, Kisame. How gay are you?!
Itachi: Very, now, what did Kakuzu do that's so amazing and of so much importance that it is taking up my precious time?
Deidara: Well, my man Kakuzu sent Sasori the letter about The Academy! How cool is that?
Itachi: Very cool, but why not send Tobi or Kisame? I dislike them much more than Sasori.
Deidara: Who cares? I get my own room!
Kakuzu: Anyone want to go out and watch a movie?
Kisame: What' on?
Kakuzu: Let's watch Scream 4. I hear it's so rad!!!!!
Hidan: F*** the seventies!..........But yeah, we're going.
Back at The Academy....
Teacher: Now, I need all of you to come up here and tell me who you idolize.
Mugi: Sasori, I'm sorry I got you in trouble. Will you be my friend?
Sasori: No, I will not be your friend!
Yugito: Will you be my boyfriend?
Sasori: NO! I WILL NOT BE YOUR BOYFRIEND!
Teacher: What was that, Sasori? You'll got first? Okay, come on up.
Sasori: *Sigh*.....Fine....
Yugito: I'm mad at Sasori! I'm getting my sister on him! She'll be here at lunch!
Mugi: Ssh! I wanna see who he idolizes!
Sasori: Hi...everyone. Um, we all idolized someone. I idolize Itachi Uchiha...The Sharingan Master.
Teacher: You do realize that he killed his own family, don't you?
Sasori: Yeah, I wish I had that courage. I hate my Grandma. Anyways, my reaction when I met Itachi went somewhat like this....
Back at The Akatsuki Hideout.....
Pein: Konan, don't tell Itachi this, but I Really admired you stepping up to him earlier today.
Konan: Really?
Pein: I knew you were amazing, but now I think you're perfect.
Konan: Oh, Pein.....
(Zetsu walks in their room)
Zetsu: (Black Half): Sup.
Konan: If it's not Tobi, it's you!
Pein: Where is Tobi anyways?
Zetsu: (White Half): He and Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi and Kisame went to the movies about thirty minutes ago.
Konan: Wait...that means that we have nearly three hours of the house to ourselves...
Pein: I know what we're going to do...
(Zetsu smiles)
Time for The Academy's lunch.
Lunchlady: What'll it be? Pizza or a Salad?
Sasori: Uh...Pizza, I guess.
Lunchlady: Salad it is.
Sasori: But I ordered Pizza!
Lunchlady: I don't care. Move along. There's more people who want to eat!
Sasori: You'll regret this you old hag....
(Sasori goes and sits down at a table all alone)
Sasori: Finnaly, some peace and quiet...Damn old witch. She's even worse than my grandmother. I might as well eat this salad...
(Yugito pokes Sasori in the back
Yugito: Sasori! There's someone here to see you!
Sasori: Well, you know what KID?! Whoever wants to see me can-
(Sasori turns around, only to see Sakura staring back at him. Mugi also runs up to Yugito)
Mugi, who whispers to Yugito: That's not your sister...
Yugito, whispers back: I know, but she told me she'd take care of it.
Sasori: Oh!.....Hi Sakura! How...are you?
Sakura: You think you can cheat on me with some Floozy? Do you?!
Sasori: *Gulp*...We never actually dated, Sakura, Please chill out!
Sakura: DID YOU TELL ME TO CHILL OUT?!
Sasori: ......Oh man......
(Sakura lays him out with one big fist and walks away)
Mugi: Is he dead?
*Random kid runs up)
Random kid: I don't know.....Poke him with a stick!
Mugi: I don't have a stick...But I have a Kunai!
Random kid: Poke him with the Kunai!
Back at the Akatsuki Residence....
Pein: One, two, three, four! Hit it!
*Pein, Konan, and Zetsu all do the following while wearing the same clothes*
*Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Deidara return*
Deidara: Woah! Konan! Nice underwear!
Konan: I...Uh! *Blushes*
Hidan: What the hell, Pein?
Pein: I am expressing myself!
Kakuzu: FUNKY TOWN!
*Kakuzu Does the Disco*
Kisame: Sounds interesting...
*Kisame Does the Disco*
Itachi: Where is the smoke coming from? Zetsu...are you okay?
*That 70's Show theme plays while Zetsu speaks*
Zetsu: (White Half): It's all good man.....all good!
Zetsu: (Black Half): OLD TIMEY ROCK AND ROLL BABY!!!!!!!!!!!
Pein: I'm going to dance! Konan, let's do this!
Konan: Alright Pein!
*They do the Disco*
Deidara: Well, I wouldn't want to be the uncool one here...
*Deidara joins in*
Itachi: Yes, Deidara, you obviously aren't the uncool one here....I'm going to sleep.
*Itachi leaves while Sasori walks through the door*
Sasori: I am done with The Academy! They kicked me out and autonmatically passed me! They said I was too much of a
(Sasori Looks at everyone)
Sasori:.....prob...lem...
Sasori: I HAVE HAD THE WORST DAY EVER!
*Everyone stops*
Sasori: NOW I AM GOING TO RELEASE MY INNER CHILD AND.....DANCE!
*Everyone begins dancing*
*Tobi runs in*
Tobi: It was funny of you guys to throw me out of the car! Tobi lol'd the entire way home!!!
*Tobi looks are everyone*
Tobi: AHHHHH! WHERE ARE ALL MY FRIENDS?!!!!
Pein: We're partying!
Konan: Join in Tobi!
Deidara: It's a blast!
Tobi: Okay! Good thing Dora's magazine taught me how to dance!
*Tobi Joins in*
Sasori: THIS IS AWESOME!!!
Deidara: Hey, Sasori, why is there a kunai in the back of your head?
Sasori: A what? Oh, uh, nevermind.....JUST DANCE!!!
End
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