So I don't know what type of families yall grew in and what the house rules were but do you guys think physical punishments should be allowed on ur child. I've never dealt with that type of punishment so I leave it to yall to discuss and decide. Also by physical punishment, I mean spanks on da bootay, belt to the anus area, etc. having to cut the lawn for a month or doing Some manual work doesn't count. Also, I think it is a given that physical punishments have a limit so my question is that is physical punishment if it is used mildly and appropriately ever justified or right to do as a parent and if not then what? I feel like these days parents are too nice with this generation (not all) and alittle but of physical punishment would straighten them up. Anyways that's enough for me what do yall think.
There is a right and a wrong way to do everything.
For young children, a quick swat to the rear is appropriate to interrupt a behavior that is undesirable. Contrary to popular believe, this is called positive reinforcement as you are introducing a stimulus. This does not need to be brutal or damaging - just enough to interrupt the behavior and introduce the sensation of discomfort.
This is basic conditioning and is important in early development. It is especially important in cases of disobedience. A child who is never given a consequence for disobeying a direct command from a parent will simply not follow commands by the parent in the future - which renders the concept of "grounding" and "time out" completely moot - as the kid will just do whatever it pleases and tell a bewildered parent to pound sand.
I've seen this happen - and told the parents of such children years ago that it would happen. Then they wonder why their kids never listen to them.
That said - this is mostly important in establishing basic "don't do" things. Don't draw on the wall. Don't walk up and take another kid's things. Do what you are told to do. Don't jump on the furniture - that sort of thing. Kids are kids and will still try to do some of those things the moment the parents are out of the room - but that's where "phase 2" of discipline kicks in.
Once kids begin to get clever enough to begin trying to evade the consequence of pain for their actions, it is time to introduce the second phase of discipline: "Law." Law is the cognitive reasoning behind the prohibition. Even during "phase 1" a child should never be spanked without being told right then and there what the cause of the punishment was. Law expounds upon the explanation.
When I got to about five or six years old, I started getting 'talks' when I broke the rules. I'd already been told what the rules were; everyone in the room knew that I had done something I wasn't supposed to do - so, why did I do it... and, by the way - this is why such things are considered bad. Then a punishment was delivered to reinforce the idea that consequences are difficult to avoid.
While the delivery of the prescribed punishment after the "trial" was important for establishing an understanding of 'law enforcement' - what was even more important was that my father and mother were explaining to me -why- the punishment existed. This is the communication of ethical and moral principles that underpin our behaviors.
Simply beating a kid for doing something you don't like doesn't do anything. Nor does sending them to their room without dinner do much when no explanation is given for why they are being punished or what methods belie the madness of the adults reigning like tyrants over the lives of their children.
Then we enter the teenage years, and things get more physical, once again.
Teenagers typically will rebel. This is where they -really- begin to test the convictions of parents to their rules (typically). Attempts will be made to defy a parental judgment or command. The "I do what I want" mentality should be met with "not under my roof" - with the offending child being tossed outside, onto the front lawn if need be to illustrate the concept of 'territory' and 'there is someone bigger and badder than you.'
However, this does begin to transition into independence. As children begin to hit their mid and later teens, they begin to become inherently independent beings. You can't control them every step of the way, and nor should you try. This is where "negative reinforcement" begins to come back into play. There's not really an effective means of wrestling your child to the ground so well that he comes back home before 10PM.
You can, however, take away his car keys, not buy him requested snacks/clothes/food, etc. The phone is also paid for so that he can stay in touch with the family and let his parents know what is going on. If he wants to snap chat pictures of his penis, he can get a job and pay for his own phone.
Kids want independence, but have a skewed perspective of independence within a world where much of what they enjoy has been provided for them via the parents. The final phase of discipline is allowing kids to actually be independent and deal with the responsibilities that come with it. Phones cost money. So do cars. So does the roof they sleep under and the bed within it. Food is also very expensive, and the time taken to prepare it is even more valuable.
