Jack Spicer
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Insecurities
"Look at you. You're so hideous, disgusting, and most of all, you'll never change. You'll always be ugly. It's who you are."
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Cheer-leading practice finally rolled to a halt. As usual, Kim was praised in glory by everyone. It's even worse now that her idiotic boyfriend, Ron or whatever, is the team's mascot. As if they really couldn't have found any better. Way to go Middleton High...
"It'll be a sec, Ron. Just let me change real fast." Kim's voice echoed out from the entrance of the locker room. Ron's overly annoying voice responding with something about that lame restaurant he worked at, Bueno Nacho or something. Either way, much like the employees, the food was horrible. Speaking of horrible, prissy confident I-know-it-all-because-I'm-perfect footsteps creaked in. Some would say that's the pot calling the kettle black, but some just don't know everything.
As Kim casually made her way into a stall, all I could think about was how she did not have a care in the entire world. How can someone like her be so happy? It doesn't make sense. Every single time I knock her down a peg, she just doesn't phase. How can anyone, especially her, do that? After all these years of torment, you'd imagine she would just end it. End it all. It's not like anything will ever get any better. It only gets worse. She'll never be truly be treated as the beautiful person she thinks she is. All the compliments people just throw her way are lies and these lies based are based on the most pathetic thing in the world, pity.
Seemingly snapping me out of my thoughts was the slam of a stall door. Great, little Ms. Perfect was decked out in what seemed to be a new pair of jeans and a black shirt. It had a little patch on the front that looked to be a small pink heart surrounded by fire. Probably something lame. Speaking of lame, she was coming my way. Great.
"Oh, lookie here, it's Kimmie. I overheard you and your little boyfriend. Don't let your plans interfere with the game on Friday." I hoped my words would instigate a conversation or better yet, an argument, but she just began to put on some lipstick. Her misshapen lips could use some.
"No comeback? Not even a response? That isn't like you." Yet again, she just avoided me and now she began to work on her hair. Not even all the hair spray in the world could save that orange mess honey. Or at least I think it's orange. Some say it's red, but honestly, does it really matter? Trash is still trash, no matter the color.
"Not in the talking mood? What happened? Did a grade slip? Your fancy car get a scratch? You realize how much of a doofus your boyfriend is?" Consistent with her previous actions, Kim simply began putting on what I'd hope would be her final attempt of hiding her disfigured face, eyeliner. Did she really think eyeliner would help decrease the size of her over-sized green eyes? Seriously, if anyone ever complimented her for those eyes, they must also found Owl's attractive. Look at them. It just grosses me out.
"Whatever, don't talk to me. Go have a wonderful date with your boyfriend, if you could call eating ninety-nine cent worth food at a C-rank fast food restaurant located next to dumpster with some non-stop talking ignorant idiot wonderful." This had to get some reaction.
"That does sound wonderful, Bonnie." Kim retorted, her calm voice not skipping a beat. At least it was a reaction. Now, I had something to play with.
"I guess in your world, it would be." A simple snark remark is all I needed to say.
"What is that supposed to mean?" her eyebrow raised over, finally showing some interest.
Turning around, basically jumping at this opportunity, I came face to face with her. "I know I've hinted about this for awhile, but I'll go on out and day it. Your life is pretty awful. People lie to you constantly. They call you beautiful, smart, inspiring, kind, funny everything, except the truth."
"What would be the truth, Bonnie?" Kim said, stepping in my face. My face.
"The truth? The truth? Look at you. You're so hideous, disgusting, and most of all, you'll never change. You'll always be ugly. It's who you are. That's the truth and you have no idea it is to finally tell you that to your hideous face." With that finally out, Kim just stared at me. It seemed she was surprised. I can't see why. I mean she would know herself best, after all. Maybe a reality shock was her wake up call.
"Bonnie, I really hoped we could be friends one day. I hoped maybe you could grow up one day, but you haven't and maybe you won't ever. All those things you said about me might be true and in your mind, they apparently are fact. That's wonderful. You can think whatever you want about me. You can assume anything you want, but there is one thing that you can't assume. There is one thing that is a fact. That one thing is the sole difference between you and me. That one thing is why we can never be friends and why you'll never change who I am. That one thing, that fact, is that I'm happy and you're not. At the end of the day, I can smile about things I did that day. What do you do at the end of the day? Do you smile because you made fun of me? Does that make you feel better? If it does make you smile, then that's great, but that's also a problem. A major flaw and a real one. It's worse than any insult about my hair, my clothes, my boyfriend, anything. That's something that can't be changed with makeup. That is a personality flaw. That personality flaw is a result of unhappiness and you're unhappy because you're so insecure. Maybe you should look in the mirror one day and look what's staring back at you. Whatever it is, I promise you it's not smiling. It's not happy." And with that and without giving me a chance to even begin to respond, Kim left.
Insecure?
INSECURE?
INSECURE?!
Why would I be insecure? Look at me! LOOK AT ME! She wants me to look into a mirror? Fine!
Turning around and vigorously placing my hands on the edges of the sing, I looked into the mirror.
I'm looking! What does she expect me to see? My skin has no flaws. My hair is perfect. My eyes aren't a freak show. My teeth are perfect. I'm perfect. I have no flaws! Does she want me to look deeper? Fine! I have the perfect boyfriend! He buys me anything I want. I am the most popular student here. My car luxury status. My grades are perfect in every way, shape, or form. I have an unlimited amount of friends. My mom does everything and anything for me on a whim. My life is perfect! What could Kim Possible think was wrong with me? What did she expect to be looking back at me? There is nothing wrong with me! Nothing! The only think looking back at me in this mirror is me, someone who is angry! I'm not happy or sad, just angry! All because of her! She has everything I want! Not the beautiful orange hair, perfect soft lips, a clear smooth face, eyes that light up the room, cheer-leading captain status, all-star grades, a father who actually loves his child, someone who she loves no matter how stupid he is, but the sole fact, the only fact, that she is happy and I'm NOT.
Why is she so happy? Did she find something positive to latch on to? What is there to be positive about in my life? Two-face dimwitted friends, an uncaring father, a boyfriend who only wants you for your looks, a stupid car that people just like because it cost a lot? None of that is a positive! What is there to smile about? I wish she that smart amazing bitch would come in here and tell me what to smile about. Tell me where there is some hope. Just something!
Crying never felt so better. My hair just flew in front of my face, covering the make-up that flowed down my face through my tears. Everything just came out and still, I had no answer. Kim was right. I am insecure. I'm downright jealous. I'm angry. All because of her. She's the problem.
"I really hoped we could be friends one day."
That one sentence replayed in my head over and over all of a sudden. Did she mean it? Could we really be friends after all this? Even with my insecurities and her perfection could I be her friend? Would she accept me? Someone like her who I hold in such high regard and someone like me who I just want to kill sometimes? Would she accept me? Is friendship my hope? Is it that one positive I need to attach myself to? Is that what I need to smile?
The tears stained my face, I could tell as I pushed my hair back from my eyes. I needed to get out of the room before anyone else barged in. Before I could though, I had to look into the mirror one more time. As I slowly raised my head, expecting to see the person I loathed the most looking back at me, I saw something...different. It was me, sort of. I was smiling. Kim was next to me. She was smiling too. Maybe, just maybe, she isn't the problem after all. I am. Maybe, just maybe, we can still be friends. Maybe, just maybe, I can smile too. With her.
Maybe, just maybe, she's the answer.
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