In Tradition Clad!

[ZK]

I, the Samurai
Born, raised to the Old Way
Clashing with the New
Singing songs for dead children
Who let guns blaze ‘steps’
Birthing a revolution
Donning her in Grey
Peace looms over tradition
Old grows dead as New grows Old

5-7 5-7 5-7 5-7-7 (Syllables)
This is Chōka, a form of Tanka (short poem).
Basically, this one's syllable-content is copied form the first documented Chōka, which was made by Yamanoue no Okura.
This is one of the first poems I've ever written. Be gentle with me n' shizzle.
I just watched 'The Last Samurai' again, which might be why I wrote this in the first place >_<

 

[Train]

You ended it nicely with the last line. I'm no poet, but this is good (IMO) if it's one of your first.

I did feel like the flow (when you read it out-loud) of the first two lines felt kind of awkward (IMO), but you did have certain requirements.

Eh, being the Fool that I am I probably haven't fully understood or appreciated the poem - but some lines did bring some good image to the (well, mine) mind's eye - 'Birthing a revolution', 'Donning her in Grey', 'Who let guns blaze ‘steps’.'

Hmm, I really liked the 'Singing songs for dead children' line. Seemed chilling, and effective.

Seeing that the theme was seemed to be 'samurai' (Or perhaps it's more 'tradition' / 'Old VS New') 'Clashing' and 'Birthing' were really good word choices - well, I liked the vocab overall.

Again, I'm no poet, or an analyst of poetry - but I tried. >_<'
Nice!