I wouldn't want to be anybody else! part 1

[OrochimaruMichealJackson]

It was a perfect normal day and everybody heard a new girl is moving to the Leaf. Her name is Dianna Uhicha (sorry I want to be the new girl XD)
She was tall, brown/blackish hair, blue eyes, really tan, and naturally skinny. She walked slow to the school while her allies follow. "Cousin!" Sasuke said in shock. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" sasuke cried "Its magic, you know" Dian said walking away. "Wait! I havent seen you in like 9 years! meet my best friends!" Sasuke said. "Well, ok." Dian yawned. "Hi I am Naruto!" Naruto smiled. "I am sakura" Sakura said. "Oh I am Dian Uhicha. And sakura you must be sasuke's girl friend" Dian said. "Oh no but I wish!" Sakura blushed and so did sasuke. "Dian how old are you now" Sasuke ask. "I am as old as you!" Dian yelled "Oh" sasuke said "Sakura may I talk to you alone" Dian asked. "Uh ok?" Sakura said. They went to a diffrent place. "Do you like Sasuke?" Dian ask. "A little well yes... But I am just not perfect but I am ok with that." Sakura said. "Please don't feel less than perfect everyone has their own perfect ways and I am sure Sasuke will like that about you" Dian said. "okay" Sakura said. Then they went back to sasuke and naruto. "Sasuke Uhicha. I am perfect the way I am if you can't accept that your not that kind of guy no girl would not want to date!" Sakura said proudly."Sakura if you like me ask me! I like you too but im too shy to ask you!" Sasuke said. "Sakura, ugh um I love you what am I saying she doesnt like me I am just going to leave" Naruto thought and started walking away. Dian followed. "Whats wrong?" Dian asked. "Oh I just kind of like Sakura but she likes Sasuke and sasuke likes her... No body likes me..." Naruto said. "I am sure you will find someone who you will spend your life with and stuff..." Dian promised. "Yea... but who?" He said."Don't worry its going to get better" Dian said walking back to sasuke and sakura. Naruto stayed but felt stalked. "Naruto-kun..." Hinata thought. "There is nothing you can say and nothing you can do Hinata just snap out of it!" Hinata thought. Naruto began to cry and Hinata walked slowly to him. "Naruto... Whats wrong?" Hinata asked. "No one loves me no one cares because of this stupid monster trapped inside me! I am a no one." Naruto shouted. "I wouldnt want to be anybody else if I was you someone loves you." Hinata said. "OH LIKE WHO my parents are no where I don't know them!" Naruto yelled. "I-I love you, naruto" Hinata said. "What? you love me? Why I am a no one!" Naruto cired. "You was there for me when I was a child. I watched you by yourself I wanted to hang out but my parents pulled us apart. I never got to talk to you my parents were afraid of you but I knew you by heart you was a good person! And I like guys like you!" Hinata started to cry. "I like girls like you too Hinata Thank you for caring!" Naruto said "Naruto I love you for a reason sakura loves sasuke because she thinks he is cute only! Like you like her!" Hinata even cried harder. "I LOVE YOU!" she went on. Naruto hugged Hinata "I love you, too" He said. TO BE CONTINUED

 

[OrochimaruMichealJackson]

I worked hard on this so please show respect thank you

 

[Jack Spicer]

I liked it. I think you should space the story though. Go to the sticked thread titled How to Fanfic/Write whatever *EDIT, learned it was Writing Tips* XD And you'll see what I mean. It comes off as more clearer. But anyways, I love school type stories with Naruto characters. And couples makes it that much better. NaruHina Rules! But, yeah, I like the story. I felt that it was kinda rushed with the I love you and such, but then again, Naruto, Hinata, and Sakura's feelings are built up so much, all they needed was a pep talk which your character provided. I'll give this a 8/10, but clear the text up by spacing it, and provide a little more build up, and it'll be a 10/10. Good work

Also, if you don't mind, please check out my work: Life In The Akatsuki, a comedy XD I'm wokring on a huge story right now titled JetZula. There's a thread already, but I quit updating it because I want to post it fully when done. But be on the look out for it XD


Funny note, I misread the "Do you like Sasuke" "Yeah" part. I thought your character, Sasuke's cousin, said yeah. I was like WTF? They are cousins! This is wrong! Then I read it again and thought.....EPIC FAIL on my part.


Again, loved it. Rep+ for you.

 

[OrochimaruMichealJackson]

Lmao thank you and yea I will not rush on the next one and ill space through thank so much!