I need help...

[jimbobbity]

If you guys want to read, then feel free to do it, no one is forcing.

Recently, I have been depressed. The reason might be because of stress and concerns. I feel empty, like there is nothing in life anymore.

Well, my problem is people surrounding me, also parents and grandparents. I study in college, but my grandparents tell me to study in my hometown because the largest and most popular university is located in my city. I can't apply for the university when I am still studying away from home? Anyway, I am 20 years old and now I like to be by myself, because I get the freedom which is important such as getting to know how the real world looks like, thinking about economy, what to buy and to use, cleaning, cooking food for myself when you are alone studying etc. instead of so called dependent on the family.

Yes, I understand that many people say that parents love their children and want them to be happy, but it is the same as doing things what they want, it is like desire.

I don't have anything issues with my family, also parents, grandparents and such, but the problem is that they decide what it is right for me? Yes, I am an asian, and typical stereotype. Adults support themselves, make their own decisions based on information from wide sources, including family, and take responsibility for those decisions. Their best intention in this case seems to be misplaced, and is causing me great psychological harm. I get headache of thinking about them and their words, and sometimes when I am about to cry I also get headache, and kind of breathing difficulty.

I am trying my best not to worry that I am bringing shame on anyone, and don't pay much attention to what other think, its my life and I need to chart my own path. However, it is still hard for me to tell them how hard it is to avoid this problem.

So, now I need your help:

1. How can I overcome this depression?

2. Asian parents are very protective, how can I interact with them to win their hearts?

3. How can I use my freedom wisely?

These are my questions based on what I have written above, and if anyone is interested in answering these questions, please let me know, I will appreciate it.

Been there. Get a job whilst you study, you'll be so busy learning on the job, talking to people and thinking about how to spend your paycheck that these feelings of emptiness will fade.

And believe me when I say I've been there, ive lived most of my life without emotion much and feeling empty, but it fades with activity (at least it did for me).

 

[Thundergod123]

Maybe if you tell me whats really going on i could help you...

It is easy, my family doesn't listen, because they only think they are right. For instance, I once said I wanted to do something else, but what they say is study is like the only option. Don't get me wrong, I am in college and just finished first year and the environment there is great, but it is just annoying when they keep telling me about staying at home and study at one of the most popular universities. I kept telling them, I don't like it here, especially grandmother, she is the one who expects something from her grandchildrens. I want to meet new people and find out more about myself.

I never asked and said this to her, but I wished I could: "Why should I apply for a university when I am out studying somewhere else which I like?" Trust me, it is not that easy to convince her. Well, finding girls is more easier if you are alone, that is one advantage.

Thank you for trying to understand me though. I am usually in good mood, but after some years I have become more sad. Besides, you can look at my post and read my questions.

 

[ThelUchiha]

It is easy, my family doesn't listen, because they only think they are right. For instance, I once said I wanted to do something else, but what they say is study is like the only option. Don't get me wrong, I am in college and just finished first year and the environment there is great, but it is just annoying when they keep telling me about staying at home and study at one of the most popular universities. I kept telling them, I don't like it here, especially grandmother, she is the one who expects something from her grandchildrens. I want to meet new people and find out more about myself.

I never asked and said this to her, but I wished I could: "Why should I apply for a university when I am out studying somewhere else which I like?" Trust me, it is not that easy to convince her. Well, finding girls is more easier if you are alone, that is one advantage.

Thank you for trying to understand me though. I am usually in good mood, but after some years I have become more sad. Besides, you can look at my post and read my questions.

Why dont you just stand up to them? .... I know its annoying that when they are telling you to study, but maybe you could find it funnier if you study with your mom or dad? Try it. - you could always have some fun or laugh in middle of all that. ( I never liked to study only when i had too)

@bold - i dont really understand? You said you like it there, but you want to meet new people and find more about yourself? There are plenty of people at the university?

About the girl thing, u'r right.

 

[Thundergod123]

Why dont you just stand up to them? .... I know its annoying that when they are telling you to study, but maybe you could find it funnier if you study with your mom or dad? Try it. - you could always have some fun or laugh in middle of all that. ( I never liked to study only when i had too)

@bold - i dont really understand? You said you like it there, but you want to meet new people and find more about yourself? There are plenty of people at the university?

About the girl thing, u'r right.

Lol, studying with my parents?

Yes, there are a lot of people at the university, however for example when I get a girlfriend and I suddenly meet my grandparents or other people I know especially older people in my city, the rumours will spread. But if I have one in another city, the rumours won't spread that easily, because not many people know me or even no one, so it means I get more freedom by myself. If you know what I mean?

Yeah the thing about I like it there more is because I have experienced the city for one year, and I can relate to it though. It is not that easy to let your friends or girls visit your house when your parents are home. You can imagine like your parents are spying on you.

 

[ThelUchiha]

Lol, studying with my parents?

Yes, there are a lot of people at the university, however for example when I get a girlfriend and I suddenly meet my grandparents or other people I know especially older people in my city, the rumours will spread. But if I have one in another city, the rumours won't spread that easily, because not many people know me or even no one, so it means I get more freedom by myself. If you know what I mean?

Yeah the thing about I like it there more is because I have experienced the city for one year, and I can relate to it though. It is not that easy to let your friends or girls visit your house when your parents are home. You can imagine like your parents are spying on you.

I know exactly you mean.... but still after all this writing , i dont really understand what is this about...?

I understand everything you told me..... but i will tell you this. I had a girl for 8 months and sleeping with her in my room and not even once i thought about my parents.

 

[Thundergod123]

I know exactly you mean.... but still after all this writing , i dont really understand what is this about...?

I understand everything you told me..... but i will tell you this. I had a girl for 8 months and sleeping with her in my room and not even once i thought about my parents.

This is about getting rid of my depression and how to make them agree with me that I want to do what I like.

How many girls have you slept with?

 

[HowDidIGetPrem]

The way you write about your family makes it seem as though they're breathing down your neck at every moment. It also seems you may be cutting yourself short regarding where you're getting your education from for the sake of privacy. I imagine it's hard, but you should probably find the guts to tell your grandparents(I notice you didn't say your parents were telling you this, maybe your parents will back your choice) you'd rather go where you'd rather go then pray the age you return with sends a clear message that your life shouldn't be dictated by them. Even a simple "I think I'll stick with college for a while" should get the point across. All you should worry about is answering to your grandparent's potential "why?" since you don't seem open enough to tell them your reasoning flat out.

It doesn't really solve your privacy issue & your choice would still be decided by it, but I don't think your privacy is something that can handled by simply talking. I myself stay in a packed house and would rather not, as ridiculous as it is, get teased for messing around with "x" girl despite being perfectly fine with getting roasted for any weird porn habits or blunders, so I understand that it's crazy hard to feel comfortable integrating someone else into your life. Maybe time could help ease that anxiety I wouldn't know.

 

[Thundergod123]

The way you write about your family makes it seem as though they're breathing down your neck at every moment. It also seems you may be cutting yourself short regarding where you're getting your education from for the sake of privacy. I imagine it's hard, but you should probably find the guts to tell your grandparents(I notice you didn't say your parents were telling you this, maybe your parents will back your choice) you'd rather go where you'd rather go then pray the age you return with sends a clear message that your life shouldn't be dictated by them. Even a simple "I think I'll stick with college for a while" should get the point across. All you should worry about is answering to your grandparent's potential "why?" since you don't seem open enough to tell them your reasoning flat out.

It doesn't really solve your privacy issue & your choice would still be decided by it, but I don't think your privacy is something that can handled by simply talking. I myself stay in a packed house and would rather not, as ridiculous as it is, get teased for messing around with "x" girl despite being perfectly fine with getting roasted for any weird porn habits or blunders, so I understand that it's crazy hard to feel comfortable integrating someone else into your life. Maybe time could help ease that anxiety I wouldn't know.

You have a good point, because I was thinking about answering why? I suspect they are going to say the stuff I have been writing on my post. They are not easy to convince as you said, even though I tried my best not to think about it and just let it go, but I still can't forget it because they keep pushing me a little bit more since I finished 1 year in college. I can't just switch school or apply for another place to study because of my grandparents will? I don't have the guts, but when I am ready I will tell them. I don't like hurting other people's feelings though.

 

[HowDidIGetPrem]

You have a good point, because I was thinking about answering why? I suspect they are going to say the stuff I have been writing on my post. They are not easy to convince as you said, even though I tried my best not to think about it and just let it go, but I still can't forget it because they keep pushing me a little bit more since I finished 1 year in college. I can't just switch school or apply for another place to study because of my grandparents will? I don't have the guts, but when I am ready I will tell them. I don't like hurting other people's feelings though.

How entwined do you think their feelings are in this decision? It's ultimately about what place they think is best for you and it's not as though you're rejecting them themselves. Look at yourself and how your own thoughts on what's best for yourself, despite considering MUCH more than your family, is still more so about your comfort than anything. Your discomfort isn't from being told things contrary to your own belief(?), which you think would hurt their feelings, but the situation it'd leave you in, the difficulty in saying otherwise, and your lack of input.

You can definitely chime in on what you think is best for yourself if your opposition is little more than their belief that the university is better than the college. Worst case scenario is that they realize you're trying to cut distance, but that's part of what brings you comfort & they should recognize this if they suspect it. You'd still be visiting(?), so they should know you appreciate them, didn't take some disliking to them, or whatever.

Just let your explanation border on you becoming accustomed to the college or something of the sort. You have these great teachers and you don't think so lowly of them. You feel you've found the right place. Yada yada yada yada, you can do this better than me because it's your experience. I don't think these would register as lies rather tidbits to avoid the answer your secretiveness won't allow you to answer.